Friday, August 30, 2013
Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
It’s “JayWalking Joe” Deters, who suddenly has a lot more free time ever since he threw up his hands in disgust and refused to have his Hamilton County Prosecutors Office continue to attempt to defend Dingbat DemocRAT Judge Tracie Hunter’s Judicial Circus.
And because our Hamilton County Prosecutor swears under penalty of perjury that “nothing racist was ever implied” during the telling of jokes whenever The Old JayWalker has lunch with Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, The Blower, where nothing politically incorrect is also never implied, is pleased to permit him to chose three items plus a quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists.
EIGHT MAGIC WORDS
By Rufus Redneck
I am going to reveal to you eight magic words.
With these words you will have a new understanding of issues you have contemplated at length.
If these words were spoken years ago, we would have entirely different influences in music and movies, and language.
If these words were spoken years ago, we would have a much smaller national deficit.
If these words were spoken years ago, we would have far less turmoil in America.
If these words were spoken years ago, we would have all of our great cities prospering as well as the small towns.
If these words were spoken years ago, we would have far less violence and have far less need for gun control.
Ready?
“We should have picked our own damn cotton.”
PUTIN’S SHORT SPEECH
By Bunkovich Tadwell
I never thought I’d say this, but “Hooray for Putin!” This year on February 4, this is what Bad Vlad told the Russian Parliament, when the Russian President gave a speech about tensions with minorities in Russia:
“In Russia live Russians. Any minority, from anywhere, if it wants to live in Russia , to work and eat in Russia , should speak Russian, and should respect the Russian laws. If they prefer Sharia Law, then we advise them to go to those places where that’s the state law. Russia does not need minorities. Minorities need Russia, and we will not grant them special privileges, or try to change our laws to fit their desires, no matter how loud they yell discrimination.”
“We better learn from the suicides of America, England, Holland, and France, if we are to survive as a nation. The Russian customs and traditions are not compatible with the lack of culture or the primitive ways of most minorities. When this honorable legislative body thinks of creating new laws, it should have in mind the national interest first, observing that the minorities are not Russians.”
The politicians in the Duma then gave Putin a five-minute standing ovation.
THE NEW PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
By Josh Gerth and Andy Pappas
Since the Pledge of Allegiance and the Lord’s Prayer are not allowed in most public schools these days (because the word “God” is mentioned), two new new kids at our Anderson High School in the Forrest Gump School District offer his “New Pledge of Allegiance”:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now I sit me down in school,
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the state.
We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks…
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.
It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong,
We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles…
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It’s scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
AND A QUICKIE
By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
A Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist, and a Black Guy walk into a Bar.
The bartender says, “What’ll it be, Mr. President?”
Stories We’re Working On
Way Smaller Crowd Than Expected for Obama’s MLK Speech- Only 10% Think Race Relations Better Since Obama Elected
- NY Times: Obama Must “Bomb Syria, Even If It Is Illegal”
- Ohio Sales Tax Rises on Sunday
- Berns and Noble Not Yet Eliminated From Cincinnati Mayoral Race
- How Much Did Former Covington Finance Director Steal Anyway?
- Reds Still in Third Place, Three-and-a-Half Games Out
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said people would be spending the Union Day weekend:
(A) Honoring American workers: 2%
(B) Sitting in traffic: 2%
(C) Looking for full-time jobs: 2%
(D) Getting another day off with pay: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
More Conservative Political Cartoons
DemocRAT Delusions
This week, everybody who remembered how much good it did for Ohio’s Dumpy DemocRAT Second District Congressman Steve Drinkhaus when Obama had to waste a holiday by flying in to appear at that Crappy Union Day event at Coney Island in 2009, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is former local AFL-CIO Union Goon Rad Danford, who says he’s still proud of CODE’s Diana Frey for the honesty and integrity she showed representing her union brothers and sisters over the years, along with the Distinguished DemocRATS on City Clown-cil who still haven’t figured out how to fund all those union pensions at America’s Worst Run City.
Rad wins gift cards from Wal-Mart and Biggs, where he can save money on all that non-union merchandise; a personal ObamaCare Exeption, and free parking at the Crappy Union Day event at Coney Island with no big name political speakers since Obama will be spending Labor Day at a $32,400 per plate Hollywood fund-raiser hanging out with Union goons where AFL-CIO Chief Richard Trumka now admits Unions made some mistakes writing ObamaCare and bankrupting their employers with their unending and unsustainable demands. His winning limerick is:
Here’s what we’ll celebrate on this Labor Day:
The fact ObamaCare has not yet come our way.
We voted for Obama,
Now we’ll have a big trauma
And for sure, it’ll be a lot more to pay.
And from the Anderson Laureate, who says “I’m sure glad I don’t live in Cincinnati.”:
Here’s what we’ll celebrate on this Labor Day,
We’ll be looking for jobs with high pay!
Because during Obama’s Recovery,
We made a discovery:
It’s strictly part time work and low wages today.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When you watch the Bungals this year”
OBAMA’S SYRIA ATTACK HOT LINE
e-mail your Syrian Strategies today.
Some futile and stupid items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally futile and stupid subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Johnny Cashless Sings, “Obama’s Prison Blues”
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
