Friday, August 16
MEET TODAY’S GUEST EDITOR:
It’s that Unknown Rodeo Clown at the Missouri State Fair who showed up wearing an Obama mask during the bull riding event when the crowd went wild after he asked if they wanted to see Obama “run down by a bull.”
And since the Unknown Rodeo Clown swears under penalty of perjury that “nothing racist was ever implied,” The Blower, where nothing racist is also never implied, is pleased to permit him to chose three items for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists.
I’M A BAD AMERICAN
By Our Conservative Curmudgeon
I Am the Liberal-Progressives Worst Nightmare. I am an American. I am a Master Mason and believe in God. I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles, American Cars and believe in American products. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some Damn Liberal governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican! I’m in touch with my feelings and I like it that way! I think owning a gun doesn’t make you or Me a killer, it makes Us a smart American. I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything. Get over it! I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English. I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
My heroes are Warren Buffet, Bill & Linda Gates, Roy & Dale Rogers, Rosa Parks, Billy Graham, and CNAs, Nurses, Doctors, EMTs, Caregivers, Farmers, Librarians, Servers, Cooks, Clerks, and Everyday Americans. I don’t hate the rich. I don’t pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake and I don’t waste my time watching or arguing about it. I’ve never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven’t burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.
I believe if you don’t like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country!, This is AMERICA. We like it the way it is! If you were born here and don’t like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you. I want to know exactly where the churches are that Reverend Jesse Jackson and Reverend Al Sharpton preach, where they get their money, and why they are always part of the problem and never the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?
I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you’re breaking the law, regardless of what color you are or what kind of threads you are wearing. And, no, I don’t mind having my face shown on my driver’s license. I think it’s good…
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don’t want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years. Get a job and do your part! I believe ‘illegal’ is illegal no matter what the lawyers think. I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA! If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I’m a BAD American. We want our country back!
WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!
RATTLESNAKE LOGIC
By Billy Bob the Bluegrass Bailiff
After the Boston bombing the news media has spent days and weeks trying to determine why these men did what they did. They want to know what America did to make these brothers so angry with us. They want to know why these men were not arrested before they did something so terrible. The media is in a tizzy about this new era of home grown radicals, and about why they could live among us and still hate us.
My Cousin from Texas explained it all:
Here in west Texas, he has rattlesnakes on his place, living among us. He has killed a rattlesnake on the front porch. He has killed a rattlesnake on the back porch. He has killed rattlesnakes in the barn, in the shop and on the driveway. In fact, He kills every rattlesnake he encounters.
He kills rattlesnakes because I know a rattlesnake will bite him and inject him with poison. He doesn’t stop to wonder why a rattlesnake will bite him; he knows it will bite him because it’s a rattlesnake and that’s what rattlesnakes do. He doesn’t try to reason with a rattlesnake…He just kills it. He doesn’t try to get to know the rattlesnake better so he can find a way to live with the rattlesnakes and convince them not to bite him…he just kills them. He doesn’t quiz a rattlesnake to see if he can find out where the other snakes are, because (a) it won’t tell him, and (b) he already knows they live on his place. So, he just kills the rattlesnake and moves on to the next one.
He doesn’t look for ways he might be able to change the rattlesnake to a non-poisonous rat snake…he just kills it. Oh, and on occasion, he accidentally kills a rat snake because he thought it was a rattlesnake at the time. Also, he knows, for every rattlesnake he kill, two more are lurking out there in the brush. During his lifetime, he will never be able to rid my place of rattlesnakes.
Does he fear rattlesnakes? No! Does he respect what rattlesnakes can do to him? Yes! And because of that respect he gives them the fair justice they deserve…he kills them….”
Maybe as a country we should start giving more thought to the fact that these jihadists’ are just being like rattlesnakes, and act accordingly!
We love this country; it’s the government we’re afraid of.
BUCKET LIST 2013
By Our Garrulous Geezer
HERE’S ALL I WANT…
Obama: Gone!
Put “GOD” back in America!
Borders: Closed!
Congress: Obey its own laws NOW!
Language: English only!
Culture: Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!
Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare!
NO Freebies to Non-Citizens!
Balance the Budget.
Stop giving away our money to foreign countries! We need it here! Charge them, not us for our help!
Fix the TAX CODE!
And most of all “RESPECT OUR MILITARY AND OUR FLAG!”
We the People are coming!
Only 86% will send this on. It should be a 100%. What will you do?
Please send it on, even if it’s only to one person.
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
Stories We’re Working On
Obama Golfs, Kerry Lectures, Egyptians Die in Droves- 1,000 Dead Fish Found Floating in National Mall Pond
- Jesse Jackson Jr. Still Eligible for Government Pension, Disability Pay
- Black Family Reunion on Sawyer Point
- White Family Reunion in Anderson
- “National Patriot Wave II” Rallies in Northern Kentucky
- Reds Still in Third Place, Three-and-a-Half Games Out
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said Liberals were so outraged when that Rodeo Clown at the Missouri State Fair wore an Obama mask during the bull riding event and the crowd went wild after he asked if they wanted to see Obama “run down by a bull.”:
(A) Showed hatred, intolerance and disrespect towards the President of the United States: 2%
(B) Rodeo Clowns are the face of the Republican Party: 1%
(C) Nothing like that ever happened when George W. Bush was in office: 1%
(D) Only Obama masks are “intolerant,” “hateful,” and “disrespectful,” because they sell the Liberals’ Racist America Agenda: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
More Conservative Political Cartoons
You Can’t Handle the Truth
This week, everybody who wonders if somebody in the Obama Campaign will accidentally tell the truth during the next 80 days, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is well known lie detector, Pinocchio Tadwell, who explains the reason elected officials never have to worry about telling the truth during political campaigns is because they haven’t been sworn in. If a man answered every question with the threat of perjury hanging over his head, you might not hear so many bald-faced lies during political campaigns.
Pinocchio wins a Bill Clinton “I did Not Have Sex With That Woman” Poster, a George Bush “Read My Lips, No New Taxes” T-Shirt, and a list of 1001 Lies Obama’s told since being elected, to use when he calls up right-wing radio talk shows. His winning limerick is:
How many more lies will Obama tell
As he tries to drive the U.S. straight to Hell
Marx’s lies he keeps plying
And the Liberals keep buying
While the Media’s legs throb and pants swell
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course),
How many more lies will Obama tell?
How long will Satan be living in hell?
Hey, just do the math:
The man is a sociopath
And he’s got nothing but BS to sell.
He’s as pompous as anyone I’ve known
And he’s a socialist clear to the bone
Please God in November
Let’s hope people remember
The last four years have caused us to moan.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“A Conservative Rodeo Clown”
CONSERVATIVE COLUMNS HOT LINE
e-mail your best efforts today.
Some extreme ring-wing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally extreme ring-wing subscribers, but we could always use more.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
I’m Offended By Islam
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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