Monday, August 26, 2013
What Ordinary Americans Think About America’s Future
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen reports only 29% of Likely U.S. Voters say the country is heading in the right direction. Confidence in the country’s direction rose steadily last fall, peaking at a high of 43% the week just before Election Day. It’s been gradually decreasing ever since. And during the 1,243 days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, just thing how must lower the nation’s optimism might be.
That’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects. We found them still praying for jobs at a candle-light vigil around the Peace Pole in Anderson Township Sunday morning. We just had to find out how many of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters thought America was still on the wrong track under the Obama Administration.
Mama Maruska, Retired Homemaker: Tell those Republicans in Congress things have gotten so bad, my children are out of work. They’ve all moved back home with me along with the grandchildren, and not one of those ingrates is even willing to clean up his own room.
Porky Dorkman, Student: My teacher (who belongs to the union) said everybody in the class had to go home and tell our parents to call their Republican Members of Congress and demand they tell GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner to pass Amnesty so DemocRATS will have more voters in the future.
Marlene Mandible, Totally Unemployable: I hope those mean-spirited Republicans in Congress forget about “Defunding ObamaCare,” because the Ladies on “The View” say DemocRAT Senate Leader Harry Reid will be forced to shut down the so our Obama Supporters in the Press can blame it on the Republicans.
Enorma Rashid, Former TV5 Anchorwoman: If Republican in Congress would only forget to investigate the IRS Targeting Obama’s Enemies, I could just sit home alone waiting for Charlie to call, except every time the phone rings it’s just another recorded message from Michelle telling me not to forget to vote for Foxy Roxy Qualls in that Meaningless $400,000 Cincinnati Mayoral Primary in only 15 more days. 
Linda Libel, Gossip Columnist: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Same-Sex,” maybe The Blower would find more space to publish some of the fallout from my salacious scandals, like Josh Gerth and Andrew Pappas, the Endorsed Republican Anderson Township Trustee Candidates who have agreed to sign The Blower’s “I Won’t Masturbate in Your Car” Pledge, unlike Disgraced Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien who, pulled his pud in a Wellborn woman’s car after she gave him a ride home from a party.
Jack Mehoff, Used Solar Panel Salesman: Republicans in Congress need to forget about “Waging War on His Own,” just so there’ll be more money in that government loan guarantee program that funded companies like Obama’s campaign contributors ran at Solyndra.
Suzie Soccermom, TEA Partier: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder’s Perjury,” I could make plans to attend that Statewide Rally to Defund ObamaCare on Tuesday at the Courthouse Plaza in Troy, Ohio, wherever the hell that is.
Reverum Calhoun, Minister: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about “Impeaching Obama,” we could all be watching to see if Obama invokes the name of Trayvon Martin at the 50th Anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King’s Speech on Wednesday.
Leroy Williams, Street Corner Pharmacist: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about “The War on Drugs,” nobody would pay any attention to Loony Libertarian Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns ads pandering to black weed smokers on his “Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell Ad” on Da Buzz:
Awan Afuqya, Muslim Sympathizer: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about Obama’s support for Terrorist Organizations, we could all get ready for that big Million Muslim March on September 11 linked to Islamic Radicals on the 12th anniversary of the attack on America that claimed 2,996 lives.
Emily Frump, Retired City Employee: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about Obama’s NSA Snooping Scandal, and The Fishwrap would stop worrying about Girly Mayor Mark Mallory’s Legacy, maybe our New Extreme Liberal City Clown-cil would stop wasting millions on that stupid streetcar and do something start worrying about my pension plan.
Bunky Tadwell, The Bard of Cleves: How’s this for my poem today? If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about Balancing the Budget, over-taxed payers will be even deeper in debt. And now that Obama’s in his second term, you ain’t seen nothing yet. 
Seedy Diehl, Northern Kentucky Homeless Guy: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about Obama’s Historic “Bridge Too Far” Campaign Speech in Cincinnati that will never result in any new bridges being built because money for the Brent Spence Bridge wasn’t even included in the Federal Budget, is it all right if I return to my refrigerator box at the hobo camp and let all you over-taxed payers pay my Medicare expenses under the ObamaTax provisions? 
CH Snitch, 1000 Main Street: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about raising money for their re-election campaigns in 2014, the Hamilton County RINO Party says this weekend all party hacks would gladly be volunteering to walk door-to-door campaigning for their Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate, if only RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP had remembered to find somebody to run.
Sid Schlock, Slumlord: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” some of those deadbeats on welfare who live in my run-down property might even be able to afford to pay the rent and I can wangle myself a seat on the CMHA Board.
Ken CamBoo, Northern Kentucky Journalist: If Republicans in Congress People would only forget if Dipsy DemocRAT Alison Wondergams Grimes is a serious candidate for Desperate DemocRATS to run against Bitch McConnell for Kentucky’s U.S. Senate seat say, “No way. Alison’s a real babe, unlike the usual Liberal women candidates.” 
TEA Party Tim: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Obama’s Latest Distraction” to deflect from all those scandals that aren’t so phony after all, we might find a way to get more publicity on Vonda Pickens’ “Overpasses for Obama’s Impeachment” Protests in Northern Kentucky.
Earl Pitts, Taxidermist: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about finding full-time jobs for unemployed Americans, we could all celebrate Labor Day next weekend where we can listen to all those speeches telling us how much Unions hate ObamaCare this year, after telling us to re-elect Obama because of ObamaCare last year. 
Ed Norton, Currently Furloughed Northern Kentucky Sewer Worker: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about demands to bail out unions in Detroit, maybe AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka won’t tell us we have to accept members from such outside groups as the Sierra Club and the NAACP.
REAL AMERICANS HOT LINE
e-mail your ordinary views and opinions today.
Some focus group comments in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally unfocused subscribers.
More Conservative Political Cartoons
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Food City Salute- Fourth of July 2013
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
