Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Happy Dog Days, Everybody!
Obama found a new distraction on Monday, a female Portuguese waterdog named Sunny. Egypt was burning, the NSA was out of control, the Economy was in the crapper, so you know things have gotten dicey when the White House was forced to use that old “Look, a puppy!” deflection.
It’s just like they always say, “When your popularity is at its lowest, get a dog!” All of our Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters need their daily diversion.
Now Obama will need four planes to take the family on vacations. Since Sunny is a female dog, will the Obamas be going into the dog breeding business after they leave DC in 1,248 more days? The Blower can hardly wait for somebody to ask if Obamas will be having the dog for Sunny Dinner. Remember all those dog-eating jokes at the 2012 White House Correspondents Dinner? Jimmy Kimmel said “Last week we learned that the president’s two favorite steaks are rib eye and seeing eye,” and Obama touched on Sarah Palin’s recent hosting of “Today” to segue into the night’s toughest line: “What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.”
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Winston Churchill’s, “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
During the Dog Days of Summer, we’re well into the hottest time of the year in the northern hemisphere, and tempers around here seem to be fraying a bit. Not for nothing are they called the dog days of summer, as people growl and snap at each other. Perhaps it’s because many of the more active of us are out doing things, and don’t have time to post reports, pictures, or discussions and play with Facebook on company time.
Garrison Keeler says, “When it comes to the summer doldrums, a person’s brain shrinks to pea-size and one forgets about lofty moral values and takes the short view, and so I turn on the air conditioning and burn up precious non-renewable resources for my own comfort and pleasure, even if it does mean that glaciers shrink and the Arctic tern is threatened, I just want cool air to blow on me as I sip a cool drink.”
- We’ve all heard the rumor that says the homicide rate supposedly goes up dramatically when the temperature reaches precisely 92 degrees Fahrenheit. The Blower says of course the murder rate increases with temperature, but we’re not sure 92 degrees is the exact temperature. Let’s hope those Cincinnati Police cars are air-conditioned for patrolling the along the route of the future Trolley Folly amid the Killing Fields of Over-the-Rhine.
Cincinnati’s Girly Mayor didn’t need a body guard to eat at Arthur’s Monday night. Maybe he plans to become a Hyde Park housewife after he leaves office at the end of the year.
- TOO HOT FOR SCHOOL: All those mommas who went to public skool won’t sent their kids until after Labor Day ’cause they don’t learn anything da first few weeks. When da mamas went to CPS skool, it didn’t start till after the ‘EBN fireworks. Why break wif tradition?
And according to some, anyone who opposes Mahogany’s sweetheart over-taxed payer deal with the City would surely be considered a racist. That, of course, would include these African American Union Protesters, right?
- EGREGIOUS EDITING: Looney Libertarian Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns was outraged when The Fishwrap removed the key part of his answer to Sunday’s weekly question, where candidates are traditionally permitted up to 50 unedited words for their official replies. The Blower’s Sunday E-dition previewed all of Berns’ 49-words, but after The Fishwrap cut Berns’ last nine words “John Cranley and Roxanne Qualls should smoke a joint.” Berns is now demanding that The Fishwrap publish his punch line on the front page in 48-point type. Meanwhile, Sandra Queen Noble says The Fishwrap left out a couple of motherfuckers from her statement, too.
- DAMN THOSE DEDUCTIBLES: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says when Ohio’s GOP Lt. Governor Mary Kasich Taylor claims “Ohio has among lowest insurance premiums in country,” she might be talking about auto and homeowners insurance, certainly not what we’re being charged for medical insurance these days.
- POLITICAL POPULATION CONTROL: Ohio First District Congressman Steve Chabothead is busy these days trying to help the breeding program for the rhinos at the Cincinnati Zoo. Better he should concentrate on eliminating the over-breeding of RINOs in the House.
- ANOTHER ANIMAL LOVER says the City quietly eliminated the Mounted Police and Rose Arena sits empty on Wooster. Did they sell the horses for horse meat to donate to the FREE STORE? Will they be selling the saddles, boots, bridles, chaps etc at the next city police auction?
- ANDERSON DAZE: Checking The Whistleblower’s Faux Facebook Page, “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman invited us to join the Anderson Republican Club and the campaigns for Josh Gerth and Andrew Pappas for Trustee to kick off the key campaign season of September/October with a focus on getting the material and information needed to supporters. Andy’s web page shows a beautiful picture of the Cincinnati Skyline. What’s up with that? Meanwhile, everybody’s talking about the woman who’s said to be filing yet another lawsuit against Disgraced Masturbating Trustee Kevin O’Brien. Curiously, the woman’s sniveling shyster Anderson attorney is not Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney.
MEANWHILE IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY DURING THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says, it just hit me! My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick, “My Dog must be a Congressman.” - HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1959 Hawaii became our 50th state, and Hawaiian birth certificates have become suspect ever since.
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about Obama’s “Look a Puppy!” Distraction. “We hope the new dog comes with its own V22 Osprey like the other one,” Kane said. “But if Obama buys a dog to deflect from every bit of mad of news during the remainder of his term of office, the White House pooper scoopers will really have their work cut out for them.
More Conservative Political Cartoons
DOG DAZE HOT LINE
e-mail your best pet treats today.
Some Animal Planet watching items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Animal Planet watching subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.
WHISTLEBLOWER LINK OF THE DAY
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A DOG HAS NOT SEEN HIS OWNER IN SIX MONTHS
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