Sunday, August 4, 2013

The Blower’s Week in Review 

• OUR NUMBER ONE LOSER NEWSPAPER STORY THIS WEEK was when after purchasing the Boston Globe in 1993 for a then-record $1.1 billion, the financially troubled New York Times just announced it sold the 141 year-old paper to Boston Red Sox owner John Henry for a mere $70 million. That’s a straight 93% loss.
• OUR NUMBER TWO LOSER NEWSPAPER STORY THIS WEEK was when “Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders told us how reporters at the Cleveland Pain Dealer had been ordered to stay home on Monday and sit by their telephones, because thanks to the rumor mill, as 50 of them would be laid off before lunchtime. Maybe that was a “safety precaution” (worrying one would go postal, though this seems like it gives them fair notice to prepare to do so!). Hopefully the message to stay home and wait by the phone for the possible call was delivered face-to-face on Skype.
• AND OUR NUMBER THREE LOSER NEWSPAPER STORY THIS WEEK was when Metro Mole told us about this week’s Bloodbath on Elm Street, where they laid off another big bunch of people, and our good friend, former Pain Dealer News Hawk Turned Bellwether Blogger Bill Sloat says so the Fishwrap has quietly laid off 11 more journalists (at least that’s the buzz) and shuttered its Kentucky edition, a slash that happens as the newspaper industry continues its nosedive. How quickly the optimism at The Fishwrap has given way to disappointment. 

Remember, it was last March 11 (not quite five months ago) when Editor Carolyn Washburn was touting the newspaper’s new format. She bragged about the “more than 150 journalists” who would be the birddogs for subscribers. She said they would “attend your events, watchdog your government, tell stories in words, photos, videos . . .” Well, so much for that. A bunch were shoved out the door and Washburn was silent as they got the boot. In March, she said they were important. Her words at the time, “These journalists are the most important, their work is the product you pay for whether it appears in print or digital.”

Maybe it is time for Cincinnati to stop paying. If there are fewer journalists, the product is watered down. And if the product is crap, why pay good money?

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• MONDAY in our Another “Muslims in America” E-dition, The Blower said they were threatening to kill all those who claim Islam is violent!

Ramadan is almost over, and we might’ve forgotten to celebrate it if Obama hadn’t hosted an Iftar Meal at the White House, where he said “Throughout our history, Islam has contributed to the character of our country, and Muslim-Americans, and their good works, have helped to build our nation – and we’ve seen the results.”

But have you ever seen a Muslim hospital? Have you ever heard a Muslim orchestra? Have you seen a Muslim band marching in a Fourth of July parade? Have you witnessed Muslim charity? Have you seen Muslims shaking hands with Muslim Girl Scouts? Have you seen a Muslim Candy Striper? Have you ever seen a Muslim do anything that contributes positively to the American way of life? If the answer is No, you did not. Just ask yourself WHY?

[READ MORE HERE] 

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• TUESDAY in our Special “Barackalypse Now” E-dition, The Blower noted Obama’s Action August Agenda does not include the economy and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:

Just because nearly 80% of American adults are dealing with joblessness, near-poverty, or reliance on welfare for at least parts of their lives, that doesn’t mean it’s a sign of deteriorating economic security under the Obama administration that is slowly killing off the American dream. —Obama Supporters in the Press

Obama says Race Relations won’t get better (and may even get worse) unless we redistribute more wealth. —Racebaiters Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

During Friday’s Racial Healing Sermon, I said people like Bill O’Reilly don’t listen to Obama because they think they already know what’s in his mind, and “they know he’s thinking ‘Kill whitey!’” —Bill Maher, HBO

Our month-long “Action August” campaign of advocacy and fund-raising to promote Obama’s Issues will begin August 4 on Obama’s Birthday. —Obama’s So-Called Non-Profit Organizing for Action PAC

Saturday was round number 133 on the golf course during a crisis, in case you’re keeping score at home. —Obama’s Caddy 

[READ MORE HERE]

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• WEDNESDAY in our Special “DemocRAT Family Values” E-dition, The Blower said The Party of Clinton Still Lives! 

TRIPLE ENTENDRES: Disgraceful DemocRATS should be really upset these days because of all those sex scandals embroiling three of the Party’s biggest names: New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner sexting with a hooker with tattoos, San Diego Mayor Bob Filner, and former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, currently campaigning to become New York City’s comptroller. Former Pants Dropper in Chief Bill Clinton is outraged at all those comparisons to Hillary and him, and Disgraced Former Cincinnati Mayor Jerry Springer wants to invite all those other Political Perverts on his TV Show. How many DemocRATS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Just one, but it really gets screwed.

OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER remembers when David Letterman said “They’re talking about impeaching Eliot Spitzer if he doesn’t step down. And I’m thinking, ‘Whoa, a DemocRAT being impeached for extramarital sex. Happy days are here again.'”

THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Wes Borland’s “Real family values have gone down the drain in modern families.”

          [READ MORE HERE]

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• THURSDAY, in our Official “Chick Fil-A-Day”  E-dition, The Blower said, “What Do You Mean, It’s Not a National Holiday?” 

Harry Homophobe says it’s hard to believe it’s been a whole year since Obama devolved down to pander to homosexual donors on the issue of same-sex marriage, while and Disingenuous DemocRATS were giving same-sex marriage their stamp of approval at the DNC’s Convention in Charlotte, Gay-Loving Liberal Big City Mayors seeking publicity on the 24-hour news channels like Chicago’s Rahm Emanuel, Boston’s Tom Menino, and San Francisco’s Mayor Edwin Lee, who said Chick-Fil- A restaurants would not be welcome in their cities, just because Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy had stated his support for “traditional marriage.”

That’s because when the Chick-Fil-A CEO was asked if he held the same view of marriage Obama had recently held, he answered “guilty as charged.”

A year ago in Cincinnati, everybody was wondering why The Fishwrap wasn’t demanding Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory to call his Extreme Liberal Clown-cil back into session to throw a hissy fit and pass a resolution banning Chick-Fil-A from hiring unemployed people to work at their restaurants within the city limits, like Chick-Fil-A locations in Anderson, Eastgate, Florence, Springdale, Tri-County, Deerfield Crossing, and West Chester, along with locations in Florence and the Airport in Northern Kentucky. The only Chick-Fil-A restaurants that actually appear to be within Cincinnati’s city limits appear to be the ones at UC, Kenwood Town Centre, and Western Hills. [SEE YOUR CHICK-FIL-A- LOCATOR HERE]

          [READ MORE HERE]

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•  FRIDAY in our in our Special “Campaignis Interruptus” E-dition, The Blower said it was just one more way voters get screwed! 

Just as The Blower predicted, Loony Libertarian Jim Berns wussed out and quit the Cincinnati Mayor’s Race on Wednesday, just 39 days before that Meaningless Mayoral Primary on September 10, preceding that even more meaningless mayoral election between two tax-and-spend DemocRATS on November 5 in only 95 more days.

“I don’t want my participation in the illicit September Mayoral Primary to lend any credibility to having a primary for a non-partisan election wasting $400,000 of Cincinnati over-taxed payers money,” Berns said, “The whole thing’s phony.”  How freaking phony is it? The Blower remembers the movie “Bananas,” when Woody Allen said, “I object, your honor! This trial is a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.” It doesn’t get much phonier than that.

Now everybody’s waiting to see which candidate receives COAST’s phony endorsement, now that we don’t have Jim Berns to ignore any more, at least during this campaign.

Queen Noble, who should now get out of the race and save Cincinnati Over-taxed Payers some of that $400,000 cost for the 2013 phony primary election told Berns, “It’s very sad you let criminals pull you out of the race.  I know you may feel you’re doing the right thing, but you are dealing with motherfucking criminals who don’t give a motherfucking damn about the public and the public who just don’t give a motherfucking damn.  Don’t you see?  For the most part the public ain’t no better than the politicians making the public sick. It’s about money or sex. The media does the brainwashing to wit the public believe everything they hear. I’ll be robbed of votes during the primary election but I have a plan for such. My children are still kidnapped by the motherfucking U.S. government and Obama is making fun in the effort of not quitting to expect a different outcome. Well, fuck Obama and any of those other motherfuckers robbing my family and election. Never quit with or without justice over here in this Goddamn stolen country.”

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Vince Lombardi’s “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” 

           [READ MORE HERE] 

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•  SATURDAY in our Special “Obama’s Birthday ” E-dition, The Blower was surprised it’s not yet a National Holiday.

Sunday is Obama’s 52nd Birthday, and all over America Obsessive Obama Supporters like Tom and Rose are busy signing that e-mail card to help Obama celebrate and to let him know we’re all still out here fighting alongside him. But the problem is, every time you try to sign it, they ask you for another damn donation.

All over the world, Obama’s friends are planning to celebrate too, especially all those Murdering Muslim Terrorists. Obama’s State Department has even issued a worldwide travel ban and Obama’s Secretary of State John Kerry says U.S. Embassies across the Middle East will be shut down Sunday to celebrate Obama’s Birthday.

And just think, there are only 1,266 more days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term. The Blower hopes we all live that long. 

The Blower remembers last year when the Republicans delivered this birthday cake to the DNC in honor of President Obama’s upcoming 51st birthday. But the GOP was a lot more creative last year, since there was a presidential campaign going on at the time any they all though Mitt Romney would be in the White House today.

Obama kicked off his birthday weekend Saturday with a round of golf with friends and a getaway to Camp David. That was round 134, in case you’re still keeping score.

[READ MORE HERE]

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THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL

Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.

SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE

e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.

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More Obamanations

•  OBAMA SCANDAL UPDATE:Asked which Obama Scandals Obama thinks are “Phony,” Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard cited IRS And Benghazi even after reports that the CIA had “Dozens” of people on the ground during the Benghazi Attack, and the Agency was making an “Unprecedented Attempt” to keep details from leaking out.
• OBAMANOMICS 101: Obama said, “The Economy would be much better off with more government workers,” and the number of Americans collecting SSDI jumped 76,000 in July, hitting another all-time high, while a record number of Young Adults are still living with their parents. Annual economic growth under Obama is only 1% and only 12% of Americans think Obama’s policies have helped the Middle Class.
• THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says in this 50-50 nation, nobody should be surprised that Americans remain closely divided over whether government is the problem or the solution.
• OUR LATE NIGHT JOKE WATCHER liked Craig Ferguson’s “In a new interview, Republican Senator John McCain implied that he might vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016. McCain’s getting old. He also said he’d consider voting for oatmeal.”
• MEDIA MENDACITY: In Tennessee, Free Press editor Drew Johnson has been terminated after placing a headline on an editorial outside of normal editing procedures. Johnson’s headline, “Take your jobs plan and shove it, Mr. President: Your policies have harmed Chattanooga enough,” appeared on the Free Press page Tuesday, the day President Barack Obama visited the city.  

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ALSO IN WASHINGTON

• OBAMACARE UPDATES: 77% Say Obamacare’s Individual Mandate should be delayed or repealed. The number of Federal Agencies working to implement ObamaCare is now 21. The IRS Chief says, “I want to keep my health care plan, not switch to ObamaCare, and the Obama Administration granted our Crooks in Congress an exemption from the ObamaCare Provision.
• SEQUESTER JESTERS: Pentagon on Wednesday presented detailed, stark options it is considering in light of steep cuts to the federal budget, warning, for instance, that it could be forced to decommission three Navy aircraft carriers and overhaul the military’s generous benefits package. Meanwhile, a reporter showed how easy it is to get Free ObamaPhones: She got three.
• RACIAL HEALING UPDATES: A DemocRAT Congressman demanded the NFL’s Redskins change their name because Americans have been “hunting and killing Indians like animals for money” and an Arkansas DemocRAT who once attended a KKK Rally accuses Republicans of being Racist. Meanwhile, Oprah says “Millions” of Blacks have been lynched In America and that Lib Rag Salon blamed Detroit’s demise on Conservatives Racist hatred for Jazz Music.

UPDATE: Now because the American Indian Counsel has also requested that the NFL disassociate itself from Indian Names, the Washington Redskins have announced that they will change their name to the Washington Foreskins, in honor of all the uncircumcised dicks in Washington DC , effective immediately….

• DOOFUS DEMOCRATS: Nutjob Nancy Pelosi claims Obama is the most “Non-Partisan” President ever to serve in The White House.
• HAREBRAINED IN THE HOUSE:  House Republicans finally issued a long-overdue report formally accusing Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder of misleading Congress during the Leak Investigation, but not perjury. That way, they don’t have to do anything about it.
• SENILE IN THE SENATE: Which was stupider, GOP Senator John McRINO’s saying Republican concerns over the Senate Amnesty Bill were “Ludicrous” or admitting he’d consider voting for Hillary Clinton over Rand Paul? No wonder a majority of GOP Voters want their Party to be more Conservative.
• ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION: Wouldn’t it be funny if that woman who was accused of all that “Green Paint Vandalism” all over Washington D.C. was an illegal alien?
• DEMOCRAT FAMILY VALUES: Disgraceful DemocRATS had a Trifecta of sex scandals going embroiling three of the Party’s biggest names (New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner sexting with a hooker with tattoos, San Diego Mayor Bob Filner, and former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, currently campaigning to become New York City’s comptroller) and then somebody leaked a sex tape that Monica Lewinsky recorded for Bill Clinton at the height of their scandalous affair.
• GAY NEWS UPDATE: Obama’s State Department will now issue same-sex visas, but with more bad news from Russia, Obama’s Gay Athletes could be prosecuted at the 2014 Winter Olympics.

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Some Other Obama Scandals

• BABY KILLING UPDATE: 60% of women support a ban on abortions after 20 Weeks, with massive support among Hispanics and Young People. Meanwhile, Government Agents “Armed to The Teeth” raided a No-Kill Animal Shelter to euthanize a Baby Deer.
• DISGRACEFUL DIPLOMACY: Obama nominated three more major fundraisers to top diplomatic posts.
• SPIES LIKE US: Russia granted asylum to The Blower’s New Cyber-Spy Columnist Edward Snowden and Obama couldn’t be more outraged.
• OUR DEVOLVING CULTURE DURING THE AGE OF OBAMA: Many Americans collecting disability payments say they are capable of working, but don’t want to.
• UNION BLUES: Classy Teamsters Union Goons picketed a child’s funeral and harassed mourners and disrupted the service with laughter, and an SEIU Goon said if we don’t raise Minimum Wage, fast food workers will piss in your food. Meanwhile, Liberal Groups say they are planning to disrupt GOP town halls, like the TEA Party did in 2010.
• MOTOWN MADNESS: A Majority of DemocRATS, Blacks, and Unions favor a Federal Bailout of Detroit, while Republicans, Independents, and Whites are overwhelmingly opposed.
• MURDERING MUSLIM UPDATE:  Obama’s Clueless Secretary of State John Kerry says the Drone Program will end as we have eliminated most of the [Al-Qaeda] threat” while threats from Obama’s Religion of Peace caused closure of All U.S. Embassies in the Muslim World. The Ft. Hood Jihadist Nidal Hasan renounced his Citizenship, saying American Democracy is incompatible with Sharia Law and Islamic groups demand Obama not appoint the NYPD Chief to be the next DHS Secretary.

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Closer to Home

•  IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Ohio GOP Party Boss Matt Borges began celebrating as soon as he heard that former Ohio Gayvenor Ted Strickland had endorsed the D-RATS’ likely candidate to challenge Republican Governor John Kasich-Taylor next year. Ted, who’s legacy is 400,000 lost jobs and a massive state budget shortfall, is looking to pass on his agenda of raising taxes and awful management to the next generation of Discredited DemocRAT.

Also in Columbus, Gerry Manders says the Ohio Supreme Court is trying to decide which case from Cincinnati to hear first: COAST Attorney Curt Hartman’s appeal to stop the parking lease or Ditzy DemocRAT Judge Tracy Hunter’s pleading to overturn her contempt citation from a lower court (which she claims she doesn’t need to follow anyway while she plans her appeal).

• GUESS WHO: Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel wonders if you can identify the well-known Greater Cincinnatian who “likes little boys.”
• CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET says the Whistleblower has been exposing lawbreaking and corruption at the Hamilton County Courthouse since the very beginning. A lot of people remember 22 years ago in the July 30, 1991 Edition, when Mickey Esposito got mugged in our Limerick Contest. Come to think of it, Wild and Crazy Judge Steve Martin roughed up Mickey and the missus on Monday when he sentenced them to prison after Mickey told the judge: “I thought we were going to throw all that stuff away anyway.” The Blower might have to revise our Top Ten List of Mickey’s excuses after that!
• REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES discovered Extreme Liberal DemocRAT Mayoral Candidate Foxy Roxy Qualls Roxanne Qualls doesn’t pay her FAIR share of local taxes.  Roxy owns a $287k condo downtown, yet she’s only paying taxes as if she owned a $37K shack.  The other 87% is tax-abated.  When Roxanne says “we” need to pay higher taxes, what she means is YOU need to pay higher taxes. [READ MORE HERE]
• CONSERVATIVE CURMUDGEON STU MAHLIN could hardly believe “More parking money could spur jobs,” on Page A3 of Saturday’s Fishwrap:

Today you wrote that City Manager Dohoney “…has recommended that up to an additional $40 million … from the parking deal [with Xerox] be used for job-creating projects….”

I hope a quick follow-up article will tell readers how many jobs per million dollars will come of this. And where those jobs will be.  And what the average annual pay will be.

My personal alternative to Dohoney’s scheme would be to conduct a lottery that would pay each winner $100,000 pre-tax.  That would be simpler, more transparent, and without the slightest doubt whatsoever much, much more EFFECTIVE.

• AND TROUBLE-MAKING OVER-TAXED PAYER TINO DELGATO wonders just how many Sister Cities does Cincinnati have, as Girly Mayor Mark Mallory visits another one. We ask what Mark Mallory will be remembered for:

1. Tax payer funded visits to the every continent but Antarctica.
2. But always in town for any Obama visit.
3. Taking credit for the Banks and Horseshoe Casino (see Charlie Luken)
4. The Folly Trolley to nowhere.
5. Opening Day first pitch emulating Marge Schott
6. First Mayor to require a body guard.
7. Appearances on Under Cover Boss.
8. He will be gone and forgotten. Go Figure!!!

• THE UNQUITTER: Loony Libertarian Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns says he will be at the Hamilton County Board of Election bright and early Monday morning groveling to be allowed to get back in the race after he quit last Thursday.
• HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1892, elderly residents of Fall River, Massachusetts Andrew and Abby Borden were found bludgeoned to death in their home. Lying in a pool of blood on the living room couch, Andrew’s face had been nearly split in two. Abby, Lizzie’s stepmother was found upstairs with her head smashed to pieces.
• MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose this old jumping rope rhyme: “Lizzie Borden took an axe / And gave her mother forty whacks / And when she saw what she had done / She gave her father forty-one.”
• IN ANDERSON TOWNSHIP: Everybody was excited to read that big story in the Forest Hills Urinal about the Forrest Gump School District’s plans to evaluate their buildings, but at the same time, some readers were wondering when the Urinal’s evaluation of those two Republican Party Endorsed Township Trustee Candidates Josh Gerth and Andy Pappas would begin.
• FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH:  NoTaxJack says he sure hope these signs will help over-taxed payers here in the Lebanon School District defeat this renewal levy next Tuesday.
• LARRY THE CABLE GUY says Showtime subscribers will see now this message on Time Warner systems: “The outrageous demands from CBS, the owner of Showtime and TMC, has forced us to remove us from your lineup while we continue to negotiate for fair and reasonable terms. As a courtesy, we will provide replacement programming from Starz or Encore on a temporary basis — check your guide for channel numbers period. Parental controls based on ratings (R, PG, etc.) will work on these channels, but you’ll need to adjust your setting to block them entirely. Please visit www.twcconversations.com/cbs for more information and other ways to watch your favorite shows.”

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On the South Shore

• IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says The latest and greatest e-dition of Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders hilarious e-newsletter is on cyber news stands now.  This week’s This Week In Kenton Circuit Court features a bevy of bad guys convicted of everything from Welfare Fraud to Manufacturing Methamphetamine, but mostly just heroin related offenses.  Billy Bob the Bluegrass Bailiff says the heroin epidemic has gotten so bad that even Channel 5 has figured out there’s a problem as evidenced by this story they ran just a few short years after all the other news outlets started reporting about the narcotic plague. But Billy Bob says anyone who needs a lesson in staying off the ugly drug need simply look at the ugly mugs in the Robster’s rag.  Those faces should be lesson enough.

  And That Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (Including the Lisa Wells Fan Club) just noticed “Crazy Eric” made national news again, this time for coming in sixth on that top ten list of Silly Facebook Posts That Got People Fired.. 

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More Political Insight This Week

• FIRED FISHWRAPPERS: The Fishwrap fired a lot of reporters and editors this week just so Skaggie Maggie and Wedgie Washburn could continue to cash their big paychecks, and other media outlets were confused because the names of all those fired Fishwrappers had not been published. How are we supposed to know if those resumes we’re receiving are coming from reporters and editors who’re already been let go, or are they the ones still waiting to be fired.  
• GOING GALT doesn’t simply mean getting angry. That would be “Going Postal.” It means having righteous indignation at the injustice of a political system that bails out individuals and institutions for irresponsible behavior and at the expense of those like you who prosper through hard work and personal responsibly.
• LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #223 says if the Obama administration isn’t socialist, how come Americans had to pay more to the government in taxes in 2013 than they spent on food, clothing, and shelter combined?
• NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: Summer is still sweltering and we have another timely poem from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves.

SUMMER SEATINGS
The days in summer linger long
The nights are made for love.
And things will go just fine
With her perched up above.

• FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane about Obama claiming all of his scandals were “Phony.” “The Lord must love Obama’s Scandals,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained, “because he made so damn many of them.”

• FINALLY,AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:  

Monday we’ll be celebrating with our Official “Earth-shattering Kaboom” E-dition and we’ll still be counting down the 1,264 days until Obama’s “historic” Third Term begins.

Tuesday we’ll be checking to see if any of Obama’s Muslim Terrorist Friends attacked our US Embassies on Obama’s Birthday, and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will try to comment on the irony.

Wednesday we’ll once again check to see if the Forest Hills Urinal figured out there’s a Trustee’s Race going on in Anderson Township this year.

Thursday is “Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day,” because gardeners know a single plant produces a seemingly endless supply of Zucchini and a small row of zucchini has the potential to end world hunger.

The first line of next Friday’s limerick is: “With only two people at a debate,” and that’s what you’ll get after the Cincinnati Mayoral Primary Election on September 10.

Saturday is “Lazy Day,” and The Blower says, “There’s no lazy days…just lazy people.”

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Sunday Comix by Dixon Diaz