Saturday, August 3, 2013
And We Still Haven’t Seen His Damn Birth Certificate
Tomorrow is Obama’s 52nd Birthday, and all over America Obsessive Obama Supporters like Tom and Rose are busy signing that e-mail card to help Obama celebrate and to let him know they’re all still out here fighting alongside him. But the problem is, every time you try to sign it, they ask you for another damn donation.
All over the world, Obama’s friends are planning to celebrate too, especially all those Murdering Muslim Terrorists. Obama’s State Department has even issued a worldwide travel ban and Obama’s Secretary of State John Kerry says U.S. Embassies across the Middle East will be shut down Sunday to celebrate Obama’s Birthday, and had even requested all movie theaters in towns where our embassies are located to be closed too, in case any inflammatory films were scheduled to be shown.
And just think, there are only 1,266 more days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term. The Blower hopes we all live that long.
The Blower remembers last year when the Republicans delivered this birthday cake to the DNC in honor of President Obama’s upcoming 51st birthday. But the GOP was a lot more creative last year, since there was a presidential campaign going on at the time any they all though Mitt Romney would be in the White House today.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date 1492, the Santa Maria, Pinta, and Nina set sail for America, but it wasn’t till many years later that Liberals would be blaming Columbus personally for everything bad that was to happen in this country until they began to blame George W. Bush.
Meanwhile, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says last year on August 3 when the Reds were winning, Reds Broadcaster Marty Brennaman was willing to have his head shaved at Great American Ball Park for charity. This year, Marty says they could shave his balls on TV if Dusty’s Boys would only learn how to get a few hits with runners in scoring position.
- REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES discovered Extreme Liberal DemocRAT Mayoral Candidate Foxy Roxy Qualls doesn’t pay her FAIR share of local taxes. Roxy owns a $287k condo downtown, yet she’s only paying taxes as if she owned a $37K shack. The other 87% is tax-abated. When Roxanne says “we” need to pay higher taxes, what she means is YOU need to pay higher taxes, so she doesn’t have to. [READ MORE HERE]
STILL MORE MEDIA MENDACITY: Yesterday, Wag the Blogger said the de-newspaperization of America is finally catching up with the de-industrialization of America and newsroom jobs, especially decent paying ones, are vanishing everywhere — thanks to the shrinking number of print readers and the fact that digital advertising can’t fully support digital journalism.
Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders also told us yesterday how reporters at the Cleveland Pain Dealer of Cleveland had been ordered to stay home on Monday and sit by their telephones, because thanks to the rumor mill, as 50 of them would be laid off before lunchtime. Maybe that was a “safety precaution” (worrying one would go postal, though this seems like it gives them fair notice to prepare to do so!). Hopefully the message to stay home and wait by the phone for the possible call was delivered face-to-face on Skype.
Then Metro Mole told us where after Skaggie Maggie read in The Blower about the latest thing in journalism at the Pain Dealer, she decided to lay off another big bunch of people for this week’s Bloodbath on Elm Street; and our good friend, former Pain Dealer News Hawk Turned Bellwether Blogger Bill Sloat says The Fishwrap has quietly laid off 11 more journalists (at least that’s the buzz) and shuttered its Kentucky edition, a slash that happens as the newspaper industry continues its nosedive. How quickly the optimism at The Fishwrap has given way to disappointment.
Remember, it was last March 11 (not quite five months ago) when Editor Carolyn Washburn was touting the newspaper’s new format. She bragged about the “more than 150 journalists” who would be the birddogs for subscribers. She said they would “attend your events, watchdog your government, tell stories in words, photos, videos . . .” Well, so much for that. A bunch were shoved out the door and Washburn was silent as they got the boot. In March, she said they were important. Her words at the time, “These journalists are the most important. Their work is the product you pay for whether it appears in print or digital.”
Maybe it is time for Cincinnati to stop paying. If The Fishwrap has fewer journalists today, the product you paid for last March has been watered down. And if the product is crap, why pay your good money?
BLUEGRASS BOUILLABAISSE: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says if you’re looking for something really vile-and-disgusting to stuff in your mouth this weekend, you might stop by Gliers Goettafest at Newport’s Riverfront Levee. Since its creation, Glier’s Goettafest has sought to be a family fun festival, offering numerous forms of entertainment to go with a delicious and extensive food menu.
Goetta is a mysterious German sausage made of pork, beef, spices, and oats, and the CamBoozler is wondering if Goetta was invented in Cincinnati, why are they holding this weekend’s crappy Goettafest in Kentucky?
You can have baked goetta, fried goetta, poached goetta, steamed goetta, roast goetta, broiled goetta, boiled goetta, sautéed goetta, broiled goetta, or you could just eat it raw. There are goetta-burgers, goetta-three ways, goetta pizza, stuffed-goetta, goetta-and-dumplings, goetta-enchiladas, moo-goo-gai-goetta, goetta-chowder, shoofly goetta, goetta po-boys, goetta fajitas, Chicago-style goetta, goetta balls, and goetta ala ronge, just to name a few.
But don’t eat too much goetta. You might goetta sick. And if you can’t make it, we guess you should just call it Forgeotta-about-it.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders asked Charles Foster Kane about joining that so-called “Truth Team” Obama’s Organizing for Action PAC is organizing for action in August. They’ll be sending out tip sheets, guidance, and more ways we can all use to fight back against the myths and lies the other side is spreading about the work we’re doing and the issues all of those Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters are supposed to care about, because there’s a lot of work to be done right now to set the record straight about how ObamaCare is already supposedly helping millions of Americans. “I think they’re using the wrong name for that group,” Kane explained. “Maybe they should really call it the Liars Club.”
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
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Some Furloughed Fishwrapper items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Furloughed Fishwrapper subscribers.
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Breaking News : Serious Threat shuts down U.S. Embassies on Obama’s Birthday
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