Friday, August 2, 2013
Early Pullout Problems
MAYORAL MADNESS: Just as The Blower predicted, Loony Libertarian Jim Berns wussed out and quit the Cincinnati Mayor’s Race on Wednesday, just 39 days before that Meaningless Mayoral Primary on September 10, preceding that even more meaningless mayoral election between two tax-and-spend DemocRATS on November 5 in only 95 more days.
“I don’t want my participation in the illicit September Mayoral Primary to lend any creditability to having a primary for a non-partisan election wasting $400,000 of Cincinnati over-taxed payers money,” Berns said, “The whole thing’s phony.” How freaking phony is it? The Blower remembers the movie “Bananas,” when Woody Allen said, “I object, your honor! This trial is a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.” It doesn’t get much phonier than that.
Everybody’s holding his breath to see which candidate receives COAST’s phony endorsement, now that we don’t have Jim Berns to ignore any more, at least during this campaign.
Queen Noble, who should now get out of the race and save Cincinnati Over-taxed Payers some of that $400,000 cost for the 2013 phony primary election told Berns, “It’s very sad you let criminals pull you out of the race. I know you may feel you’re doing the right thing, but you are dealing with motherfucking criminals who don’t give a motherfucking damn about the public and the public who just don’t give a motherfucking damn. Don’t you see? For the most part the public ain’t no better than the politicians making the public sick. It’s about money or sex. The media does the brainwashing to wit the public believe everything they hear. I’ll be robbed of votes during the primary election but I have a plan for such. My children are still kidnapped by the motherfucking U.S. government and Obama is making fun in the effort of not quitting to expect a different outcome. Well, fuck Obama and any of those other motherfuckers robbing my family and election. Never quit with or without justice over here in this Goddamn stolen country.” Now if that quotation doesn’t prove what The Blower said that without Queen Noble in the race, wherever else would we hear such intelligent discussion of the issues, we don’t know what does.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Vince Lombardi’s “Winners never quit and quitters never win.”
MORE MEDIA MENDACITY: Bill the Blogger says the de-newspaperization of America is finally catching up with the de-industrialization of America. Newsroom jobs, especially decent paying ones, are vanishing everywhere — thanks to the shrinking number of print readers and the fact that digital advertising can’t fully support digital journalism. But the job losses seem to be coming faster — and the effect on the fabric of already struggling communities is far greater — in the rusty, rotting-factory cities of older America.
Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says earlier this week, reporters who work for the Pain Dealer of Cleveland were ordered to stay home and sit by their telephones this morning. They knew, thanks to the rumor mill, that as many as 50 of them would be laid off before lunchtime. How sad and pathetic: Reporters who routinely work the streets of poor, crime-ridden neighborhoods getting fired by cowering managers who didn’t have the cojones to tell them face-to-face. Ain’t that America, for you and me?
- NO PUBLIC COMMENTS: Last night, Port Authority Profiteers held a second “public meeting” to make it look like they care what people thought about their nefarious plans to rake in all that money from Cincinnati’s Parking Plot. But don’t worry if you could attend. They weren’t planning to allow any public comments anyway.
- OBSESSIVE OBAMA SUPPORTERS Tom and Rose can hardly wait till Sunday when they can celebrate Obama’s Birthday. They’ve already signed a card Obama’s Bogus Organizing for America is planning to deliver. Do you think all of those Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters will also be asked for a small donation?
MORE MONICA LEWINSKY: When Anthony Weiner fell to fourth place in the DemocRAT race for New York City mayor because of the surge of publicity surrounding his sex-tainted campaign, Bill and Hillary became really unhappy about the comparisons of the Weiners sex problems to their own with all that talk about Hillary’s running for president in 2016. Now somebody’s leaked a sex tape that Monica Lewinsky recorded for Bill Clinton at the height of their scandalous affair. Coincidence? We think not.- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1990, Iraq invaded Kuwait. Whatever happened to that Saddam Hussein guy anyhow?
- IN ANDERSON TOWNSHIP: Anderson TEA Party Patriots sent out a news release congratulating Andrew Pappas, one of our own down-to-earth liberty-minded Conservatives, for stepping up to run in the Fall 2013 Anderson Township Trustee race! One thing’s for sure, they didn’t learn about it in the Forest Hills Urinal.
EATING MORE CHICKEN: Yesterday in our Chick-Fil-A Day E-dition when The Blower said everybody was wondering why The Fishwrap wasn’t demanding Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory call his Extreme Liberal Clown-cil back into session to throw a hissy fit in front of TV cameras and pass a resolution banning Chick-Fil-A from hiring unemployed people to work at their restaurants within the city limits since the only Gay Boycotted Chick-Fil-A restaurants that actually appeared to be within Cincinnati’s city limits were the ones at UC, Kenwood Town Centre, and Western Hills.
One Suburban Snitch pointed out that the Kenwood Mall is not located within the City of Cincinnati. It’s in the suburban sorehead area of Sycamore Township and thank God for that fact of geography. Meanwhile, Harry Homophobe says the Chick-fil-A in Western Hills is a mile outside of the City limits in Greed Township. That left only the Chick Fil A at UC for the Gay Wads to have another kiss-in to celebrate the first anniversary of the Biggest Failed Gay Protest in History.
LAWYERS ARE LAUGHING: Cincinnati Business Crapper staff reporter James Ritchie published “Crazy Eric” Deters’ press release about his lawsuits against Dr. Abubakar Atiq Durrani in Cincinnati that Deters claims could top $1 billion. Members of That Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (Including the Lisa Wells Fan Club) say they were surprised to learn the doctor’s house was worth that much.
NOTE: James Ritchie is not related to Nik Richie at The Dirty.Com, who is still appealing that paltry $338,000 Crazy Eric’s “Greedy Nut Job” Disgraced Former Bungals Cheerleader Sarah Jones is still waiting for after Judge Bertelsman’s blundering ruling allowed a jury award considerably less than that bogus $11 Million award from that the first time around.
- IN A RELATED ITEM: Juvenile Court Magistrate Wende Cross gave a slap down to one of Crazy Eric Deters’ clients who claimed that she was bullied in February. The teenager had taken her mama to school to do a smack down on that bully, who was a former friend. She was hoping to get Judge Tracey Hunter who hands out book reports, if you beat up on a guy “Cause you’re bored!” That girl and her mama will be sentenced on August 21.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says hecklers will be heading for Big Bluegrass Barbecue at Fancy Farm in Western Kentucky this weekend for a glimpse of the heated political rhetoric unfolding among Kentucky’s 2014 U.S. Senate candidates. Bitch McConnell will be there again. DemocRAT challenger, Alison Lundergan Grimes, who spoke at the picnic in 2011 during her race for secretary of state, will be there too. So will GOP challenger Matt Bevin, and along with another DemocRAT challenger Ed Marksberry, whoever the hell he is.
The Northern Kentucky TEA Party says they’ve just been advised that Senator Mitch McConnell has made arrangements for the GOP sponsored buses to leave IMMEDIATELY after the “elected” politicians speak. This may mean that anyone riding the bus will not get to hear Bitch McConnell’s GOP Primary Opponent Matt Bevin speak. TEA Partiers are calling it “a typical childish underhanded power play on McConnell’s part!” Or as The Blower says, Kentucky Politics as Usual.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Chares Foster Kane what he thought about Loony Libertarian Jim Berns dropping out of the Cincinnati Mayor’s Race, especially after all that great publicity The Blower’s given him during the campaign.
“If you think that’s funny,” Kane explained, “just think how much fun it’ll be when people find out our Loony Libertarian called up the Board of Elections less than 24 hours later and said, ‘Never mind.’”
Stories We’re Working On
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Kremlin grants Snowden political asylum - Obama’s ‘Phony Scandals’ Claim erodes trust in government
- Anti-Gay Laws to be enforced during Olympics
- Teamsters ordered to stop picketing funeral homes
- George Zimmerman pulled over for speeding in Texas
- Zombies take over Fountain Square
- Reds Still in Third Place, Six games out
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said Disguised DemocRAT John Cranley and Extremely Liberal DemocRAT Foxy Roxy Qualls like the Meaningless Mayoral Primary on September 10.
(A) No Republican Mayoral Candidates in the race: 2%
(B) Gets rid of all third party candidates: 1%
(C) Limits debates: 1%
(D) It only costs overtaxed payers $400,000: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Some of Today’s Conservative Political Cartoons
Weiners and Whiners
This week, everybody who hopes Disgraced DemocRAT Congressman Anthony Weiner doesn’t pull out of the New York City Mayor’s Race because they love practicing The Beloved Whistleblower Motto, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Schnozzy Heimlich, winner of the Antony Weiner Lookalike Contest, who says maybe if I had started sexting pictures of my weiner to some of the female members of the Hamilton County Steering Committee a couple of years ago, they would’ve given me “Passed Around Patty” Clancy’s old job at the Hamilton County Clerk of Court’s Office.
Schnozzy wins an “I Choked Linda Lovelace” T-Shirt, an e-mail list of women who like looking pictures of guys’ wieners, and his name on the Whistleblower’s “Faux Facebook Friend List.”
When you send someone a picture of your Weiner”
To a girl, and your wife has just seen her
You deny and deny
And let out a sigh
And maintain a detached demeanor
And From Our Sensuous Sonneteer:
When you send someone a picture of your weiner
Especially if you’ve never seen her
When you send someone a picture of your Weiner
Better make sure she’s not an underage teener.
DemocRATS, driven by their lust for power
Need an assortment of women to devour.
Case in point: the Pants-Dropper and Monica,
Who serviced him even during Hanukkah.
When we elect playboys who sow their wild giz,
We get: “It depends on what you mean by ‘is.’”
So while Anthony Twitters his crotch
And keeps consuming expensive Scotch,
The flying accusations keep getting meaner.
Will the voters decide they want somebody cleaner?
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s says you should always take some Viagra before sexting a picture of your weiner):
When you send someone a picture of your weiner
Especially if you’ve never seen her
You tell her your hose
Is as long as your nose
When the Congress finds out, they’ll be meaner!
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“With only two people at a debate”
MEANINGLESS PRIMARIES HOT LINE
e-mail your competition cutoffs today.
Some undemocratic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally undemocratic subscribers, but we could always use more.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
MinusIQ | The pill to lower your IQ permanently
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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