Sunday, June 23, 2013
The Blower’s Week in Review
- OUR NUMBER ONE EDWARD CROPPER ILLUSTRATION THIS WEEK was when Photo Spoofer Edward Cropper compared Former Pants Dropper in Chief Bill Clinton to TV “icon” Tony Soprano, after pop culture-obsessed Chris Matthews insisted that if “more politicians could invoke” the personality that the fictional mobster did, “we’d have a lot more popular politicians.”
- OUR NUMBER TWO EDWARD CROPPER ILLUSTRATION THIS WEEK was Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly came out in support of the Gang of Ocho’s Amnesty Legislation.
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE STORY THIS WEEK was Marco Rubio after Conservative Columnist An Coulter called the RINO Senator the Jack Kevoirkian of the Republican Party.
- MONDAY in our Annual “Whistleblower Deadbeat Dads” E-dition, The Blower reported Obama was continuing to blame Bush for Deadbeat Dads, but only The Blower actually named names and published pictures of some of the most Despicable Deadbeat Dads in town. Here are just three examples:
Evans Johnson, East Price Hill, unemployed community organizer: owes $46,000 in child support for his three children ages 18, 15, and 13. Your ex-wife Rose says when she first met you, you promised you’d never be like your father and abandon your kids the way he did. You’re only working until you get caught and then you’ll quit and go back on welfare. You even skipped out on a court date because you’re chicken. It’s really sad what you’ve done to your innocent children.
Leroy Calhoun, Over-the-Rhine, pimp: owes $4,837,000 in child support for his 18 children ages 17, 16, 16, 15, 14, 13, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, and six months. Your common law wives Rosetta, Kisha, Schwanda, Leticia, Clitoris, and Urethra all say, “You best be sellin’ that crack and makin’ some jack, if you be wantin’ back in the sack.”
“Zoom” Lenz, Green Township, TV news cameraman: owes $49,000 in child support for his two children ages 13 and 7. Your ex-wife Sharon still doesn’t believe the station forced you into having a two-year vile-and-disgusting affair with a slutty bleach-blonde anchorbimbo half your age.
[READ MORE HERE]
- TUESDAY in our Special “Who Do You Trust?”” E-dition, The Blower said, “Unfortunately for Obama, a majority of Americans no longer trust him!” and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
In this week’s Opening Statement, I said “In God we trust, but in this government, not so much”. —Judge Jeanine
That’s why we chose Ronald Reagan’s “Trust, but verify.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
With Obama facing a scandal about electronic spying on the private lives of almost every voter in America, was anybody surprised when he decided to provide lethal assistance,” including weapons, ammunition, and air support, to the Al Qaeda-loving Syrian rebels? —Wag the Syrian Dog
Please don’t ask why the same liberal media members who were apoplectic in 2005 when George W. Bush’s domestic surveillance program was revealed contort themselves into almost impossible positions defending Obama’s far more intrusive scheme seven-and-a half years later. —Obama Supporters in the Press
Please don’t ask if Obama spends more hours golfing and vacationing than in economic meetings. —Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
At noon on Wednesday we’ll be doing our “Audit the IRS Sign Wave” in front of our local Congressmen’s offices to showing our support for further action on the abuses of power at the Internal Revenue Service. —TEA Party Patriots
And as Obama’s Sequester Cuts continue to sledgehammer millions of people´s lives, it doesn´t cause him to have second thoughts at his own self-indulgent $100 Million pre-summer vacation trip to Africa later this month. —Other Obama Apologists
[READ MORE HERE]
- WEDNESDAY in our Special “All Our Scandals” E-dition, The Blower said, “The List Just Keeps Getting Longer!”
We saw a little item you might see being forwarded to you on the internet one of these days and we figured we’d better run it before we get another 312 copies passed along to us from the Persons of Consequence who subscribe to The Blower.
It was a joke about all of Obama’s scandals plaguing America these days, but unfortunately, it turned out to be not so funny.
[READ MORE HERE]
- THURSDAY, in our Special “Property Tax Day” E-dition, The Blower said, “Be glad it only comes twice a year!”
Happy Property Tax Day, Everybody! Payment for your Hamilton County Property Taxes has to be post-marked by midnight tonight, and tax preparers all over Hamilton County will be busy all day Thursday helping over-taxed property owners complete their complicated tax forms. And it’s no wonder, since some people’s property taxes are included with their mortgage payments, and they never actually see how much they’re paying for those fools in schools and all those other taxes that are included. That’s why The Blower always says “Everybody should have to write a really big check on Property Tax Day,” and “They should hold elections for those officials on the same day people have to pay for all those taxes.”
[READ MORE HERE]
- FRIDAY in our Annual “Summer Solstice” E-dition, The Blower asked if the days were really getting shorter?
Today is the First Day of Summer and a religious holiday for modern Pagans. Dave the Druid says it’s no coincidence our festivities coincide with the longest day of the year.
In Hamilton County, your Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor says last night was the deadline to pay your jacked-up Hamilton County property taxes, proving what Gerald Barzan’s always said: “Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.”
Wednesday night, our Late Night TV Jokewatcher liked Craig Ferguson’s “President Obama is in Berlin, Germany. It was 97 degrees in Berlin today. I haven’t seen Obama sweat like that since, well, yesterday. And the day before that. All this week, in fact.”
This year, Hamilton County Treasurer even had some new ways for you to avoid licking and sticking a 46-cent stamp on an envelope or standing in those long lines at the Treasurer’s Office with some new easy ways to pay. You could’ve paid online. Or you could’ve paid by phone at 877-764-3524. You could’ve even paid by credit card (for a mere 2.5% added fee) or electronic check (for an extra $1.50)
[READ MORE HERE]
- SATURDAY in our Official “Paddlefest” E-dition, The Blower asked, “How much will it cost to haul all those canoes back up river?”
Paddlefest, in case you’ve forgotten, is when Liberal Loonies try to sell us down the river one more time, but organizer Brewster Rhoads says his annual event is not to be confused with next week’s annual Gay Paddlefest, where Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis like to give each other spankings at Sawyer Point.
It was even more confusing until a couple of years ago when Paddlefest was scheduled at the same time as the Gay Pride Weekend in Greater Cincinnati.
Anyway, our good friend Bobby Leach just e-mailed us our Gay Paddlefest Joke: “What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.”
Rob “Fighting for Flotation” Portman says he’ll be there for a Paddlefest photo op, too— just like he’s been every year for the past decade. The Robmesister used to take his Gay Son Will kayaking all the time. (The gay one’s on the left) Does that mean they’ll both be back for the Gay Pride Event next week?
Don’t forget to have somebody with a kayak trailer meet you at the finish line, or you’ll be walking 8.2 miles back upstream to Coney Island where you parked your car.
At the same time in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders if the South Shore will get any credit for Paddlefest this weekend or even a small share of all that Paddling Capital of America News Hype. “Doesn’t anybody know the wet part of the Ohio River is actually in our state, no matter what it got named?” The Camboozler asked.
[READ MORE HERE]
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
More Obamanations
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SEQUESTER JESTERS: Dick Morris says we should all tell Obama we can’t afford his family vacations, now that those Moochers in the White House plan to spend up to $100 million of your over-taxed payers’ money on their trip to Africa later this month at a time when federal employees are on furlough working four day weeks due to Obama’s Sequester. To send Obama an e-mail, CLICK HERE. - OBAMA SCANDAL UPDATE: Google the words “Incompetent Liar” and see what you come up with.
- ROGUES FOR OBAMA: Whistleblower Rogue IRS Snitch Ferrell Katz says while congressional lawmakers are questioning why former Internal Revenue Service Commissioner Douglas Shulman paid dozens of visits to the White House during his tenure, Shulman’s top political aide seems to have spent even more time working side-by-side with members of the Obama administration with more than 300 visits to the White House between the fall of 2009 and February 2013.
Meanwhile, Obama’s IRS sent almost 24,000 refunds worth a combined $46 Million to “Unauthorized” Alien Workers all at the same address In Atlanta.
Washington Weak in Review
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1973, President Richard Nixon’s advisor, H.R. Haldeman, told the president to put pressure on the head of the FBI to “stay the hell out of this [Watergate burglary investigation] business” and Nixon’s legacy was assured, just like Obama’s and his trusty Attorney General Eric Holder’s, who by the way, is looking more like John Mitchell every day. And did Richard Nixon really says, “Well, when the President does it, that means that it is not illegal.”- DOOFUS DEMOCRATS: When Chelsea Clinton lamented that her Grandmother did not have access to Planned Parenthood, didn’t that mean she wishes Hillary had never been born?
- LAUGH LINES IN DC: Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard has dodged more than 9,000 questions while lying for Obama so far. According to Yahoo, here’s the BS Breakdown: “I don’t have the answer” (1905 times), “I would refer you to someone else” (1383 times), “You already know the answer” (1125 times), “I’m not going to tell you” (939 times), “Not that I know of” (927 times), “I don’t want to” (588 times), “I’m not sure” (549 times), “I won’t speculate” (525 times), “No comment” (429 times), “I’ll get back to you” (387 times), “It’s a good question” (381 times), “See yesterday’s non-response” (231 times), and The Blower’s favorite, “The president won’t tell me” (117 times).
- OUR LATE NIGHT JOKE WATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “Bad day on Wall Street — the stock market dropped over 350 points today. See, I knew Obama shouldn’t have come back home. I knew this was going to happen.” LNJW also liked David Letterman’s “During the summer all scandals will be reruns. That’s a programming reminder from the White House” and Jimmy Fallon’s “Last night the White House staff played softball against a team made of marijuana lobbyists. Which explains why there were 20 hits before the game even started.”
- IN CONGRESS: Our DC Newsbreaker says Thursday, three local Republican Congressmen helped the House defeat Boehner’s five-year, half-trillion-dollar farm bill today that would have cut $2 billion annually from food stamps and let states impose broad new work requirements on those who receive them. “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup said, cuts to the federal food stamp program didn’t go far enough. Congressman Steve Chabothead objected to “wasteful, corporate welfare programs” that benefit big “agriculture conglomerates.” But Feckless Fishwrapper Deirdre Shesgreen forgot to mention why Kentucky Congressman Thomas Massie voted against it, even if Kentucky’s Fourth District Congressman killed his own Amendment that would’ve allowed colleges and universities to grow hemp for academic research.
- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Obama’s approval rating slipped to 44% on Friday. That’s his lowest overall approval rating since last August – 10 months ago. 55% now disapprove. Meanwhile, would you believe according to a Pew Survey, “Incompetent” and “Liar” are words most frequently used to describe Obama. And you think all those Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing Low-Information Obama Supporters wouldn’t vote for him again tomorrow? Suck it up, Good Government Fans. There are still 1,307 more days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term.
- THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Lincoln’s “Trust but verify.”
- RETURN OF THE TEA PARTY: Our DC Newbreaker reports Breibart says on Wednesday, at two rallies bracketing the Capitol, TEA Party and Conservative activists took center-stage on two issues dominating the national political dialogue. GOP Congressmen Steve King, Louie Gohmert, and other members of the TEA Party Caucus hosted a nearly day-long dialogue and discussion on immigration reform. On the other side of the Capitol, TEA Party grass roots organizations held a rally to “Audit the IRS,” in response to the agency’s efforts to intimidate Conservative organizations.
- WALL STREET WEAK: Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says U.S. stocks ended mostly higher on Friday, with the Dow and S&P 500 ending two days of heavy losses, though traders continued to fret over planned changes to the Federal Reserve’s easy money policy.
Liberalizing America
MEDIA MENDACITY: Did our Feckless Fishwrappers really publish a letter from an Obama supporter thanking Feckless Fishwrappers like Deidre Shesgreen for her fair-and-balanced coverage of the IRS Scandal because Obama loving IRS agents in Cincinnati should be “commended not condemned?”- DEMOCRAT VOTER FRAUD UPDATE: Obama won in every state that did not require a Photo ID and lost in every state that did require a Photo ID in order to vote. Imagine that!
- UNION BLUES: Last month, a 22,000 member United Union of Roofers, Waterproofers and Allied Workers — the same one that endorsed Barack Obama in 2008 and 2012 and lobbied for passage of Obamacare — called for the repeal of the Affordable Care Act.
- OUR DEVOLVING CULTURE: Lib Hags on “The View” defended vulgar comedian Bill Maher for mocking Sarah Palin’s Down Syndrome son Trig Palin for being “Retarded” because they didn’t think the vulgar comedian intended to be “Mean Spirited.” Only a Liberal could laugh at something like that.
- G-UN CONTROL: Obama’s Propaganda Arm (OFA) held a Gun Control Rally and three people showed up.
More Unresolved Issues
ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION: Obama used his weekly address to tout the immigration bill that’s currently being debated in the Senate saying Amnesty for 11 Million Illegal Immigrants is “Consistent With The Principles” I have laid out.- RACIAL HEALING: Disney’s new film called “Jet Black,” the non-racist version of “Snow White,” has been put on hold. All seven dwarfs – Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Car Jack, Drive By, Pimp and Baby Daddy – have refused to sing “Hi Ho.” They also say they have no f-ing intention of singing “It’s off to work we go.”
- GAY NEWS UPDATE: Secretary of State John Kerry wished “Happy Pride to all,” when he told a gathering of State Department homosexuals that he’s proud of the Obama administration for refusing to defend a federal law the president dislikes.
- BABY-KILLING UPDATE: Priests are now demanding Nancy Pelosi condemn Abortion or leave the Catholic Church.
- MURDERING MUSLIM UPDATE: A Muslim Convert pulled a knife and threatened to kill his mother over pork roast for dinner. Do you think he missed that “Religion of Peace” class last week?
[ NOW CHECK OUT THESE GRUESOME PICTURES COURTESY OF THOSE PEACEFUL MUSLIMS]
Closer to Home
ABOLISHING THE IRS: Wednesday, local TEA Party Patriots invited all concerned American citizens to attend “Sign Waving Protests” at their local Congressional Offices to show support for further action on the abuses of power at the Internal Revenue Service and attacks on our civil liberties.
Anderson TEA Party Leader Sue-zilla Hardenbergh led the wave at “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s office across the street from Anderson TEA party headquarters, and Cincinnati TEA Party President Ann Becker, organized the protest at Speaker John Bohener’s West Chester Office.
- CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET says now that Mickey Esposito, his wife Allison, and her son Adam have pled guilty to stealing drugs and jewelry from the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, everybody’s wondering how long the sentences will be when Wild and Crazy Hamilton County Judge Steve Martin sentences them in July.
- A LONG-OVERDUE FAREWELL: When now-former 14-star pretend police chief James Craig talked to the press Friday before leaving for the killing fields of Detroit, did he really claim “influential people” were trying to get him to run for mayor? Amazingly, he didn’t name them. Talk about fostering the celebrity image that the black police union accused him of. Doesn’t he know that to be mayor, he’d have to live and be registered to vote in Cincinnati, not Los Angeles? Don’t let the doorknob hit you in the ass on your escape from Ohio, Craig!
IN CLERMONT COUNTY: Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel says many people in Clermont County are talking about this apartment building owned by Clermont County Commissioner “Buffalo Dave” Uible who was ushered into office by the Clermont County Tea Party as a bow tie wearing, squeaky clean candidate after all of the trouble brought by Archie Wilson, the Tea Party’s last savior in Clermont County. Uible owns this apartment building that is also listed as the current residence of Clermont County Communications Director Annette Meagher. What many do not know is that Buffalo Dave moved Meagher to live in his apartment building shortly after he cast a vote to hire her as the County’s new Communications Director to replace Kathy Lehr. “Buffalo Dave” told friends he moved her to New Richmond was so she could live and work in Clermont County. Our Clermont snitch advises us that some are calling for the Ohio Ethics Commission to investigate the matter to review whether a conflict of interest exists over her current arrangement with Uible. Of course, other Clermont County voters are asking why Uible felt the need not only to give Meagher a job, but also to provide her with a place to live.
Meanwhile, what’s up with Clermont County Sheriff Tim Rodenberg these days, anyway? Have you seen some of those pictures of himself Sheriff Tim has been posting on Facebook lately, along with whatever else he’s had for dinner that night?
- SPEAKING OF FUND-RAISING: Now that The Fishwrap’s “Politics Extra” has officially announced Ohio Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup will become a father in November everybody’s wondering how long it will be before the Wenstrup Re-election Campaign will spin that news into some sort of fundraising plea.
- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Matt Borges is applauding Governor Kasich-Taylor and Legislature for their continued focus of providing Ohio families tax relief in the state budget. If anybody’s in favor of people not paying so much in taxes, our new Ohio RINO Party Boss is.
MILLION DOLLAR WEDDING: Desperate DemocRAT David A. Pepper is wondering if getting married will really help his campaign for Ohio Attorney General. So far, the media response has been underwhelming ever since Friday festivities at Ault Park in Cincinnati and Saturday’s ceremony at the secluded Murphin Ridge Inn in Adams County, a well-known Amish pleasure palace in West Union, Ohio. [SEE MORE HERE]
LAWBREAKERS ON CLOWN-CIL: Which who illegally parked his car in Westwood? Don’t Cincinnati City Clown-cil Members have to obey the law just like everybody else? Whatever you do, don’t tell the guys at COAST. They’re still totally pissed at Clown-cil’s “Most Despicable Parking Plotter,” whose treachery they claim got us into the parking plot fiasco in the first place.- ALSO AT CITY HALL: Somebody sent us a copy of that City Clown-cil Motion # 200800316 supporting development of the Cincinnati Girly Mayor Mark Mallory’s Trolley Folly. Wouldn’t it be funny if that historic document had been signed by BOTH Foxy Roxy Qualls and “The Beav?” No wonder our Loony Libertarian Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns says neither Qualls or Cranley deserves to be elected.
Meanwhile during the dead of night at City Hall, City Mangler Dough Boy Honey sent out a Tweet this week saying “Fuck Chris Finney, Fuck the Voters, and possibly Fuck the Majority on Clown-cil too. I just signed that parking lease agreement, because there’s no way the Ohio Supreme Court will agree to hear the case and allow a planned voter referendum in November to proceed.”
- SPOILED SPORTS: Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather says Friday night Dusty’s boys outdid themselves in Arizona, leapfrogging over the Pittsburgh Pirates to take sole position of third place in the Central Division of the National League
In Northern Kentucky
BLUEGRASS BURGLARS: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says the latest and greatest e-dition of Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders’ glamour filled e-newsletter is on cyber news stands now! This week’s This Week In Kenton Circuit Court features low-lifes, hood-rats, and scum-bags including this guy, Joseph Hopper who made things easy on everyone by showing up at jail, already in stripes! Billy Bob the Bluegrass Bailiff bets Mr. Hopper was seriously disappointed to learn that Terry the Smiling Jailer Carl dresses his inmates in bright pink!
Meanwhile, porn investigators at our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ office have been busy lately watching The Naked News.
Ken CamBoo says Friday may have been may the Summer Solstice, but Orgasm Donors in Northern Kentucky always party hearty on the Winter Solstice. It’s not because it’s the shortest day of the year, because it’s also “World Orgasms for Peace” Day.
WLW Radio’s Lovely Lady Lawyer Lisa Wells says she’s heard from divorce attorneys all over Northern Kentucky about The Blower’s survey to see which bedroom community on the South Shore was the “top cheating neighborhood,” and The Blower will soon publish a full report.
FINALLY, The CamBoozler explains one more time why Confederate Flag Day isn’t celebrated as a national holiday: (All together now, Whistleblower Readers) Because they lost!
More Political Insight This Week
FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: If you go away on vacation The Fishwrap wants you to read it online, even if there is no internet where you are going! They will cancel the home delivery but you still pay for the online Fishwrappery. One must cancel the paper completely then send them a month’s payment before they will start your home delivery. Even a 40-year subscriber has to pay in advance to get his paper started up. And Skaggie Maggie wonders why people stop subscribing to the paper.- SPIES LIKE US: Obama’s Federal prosecutors reportedly have filed charges against The Blower’s New Cyber-Spy Columnist Edward Snowden and have asked Hong Kong to detain him, if they can ever find him.
- GOING GALT: DemocRATS say “Take care of me, I’m too stupid to make it on my own,” while Republicans say, “Leave me alone, I can do it by myself.”
- LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #171, says when a Liberal asks what you’re buying your kids for their birthdays, say: “Oh, I guess the usual: more ammo.”
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: This week, with the Summer Scorching Season fully under way, we have another timely offering from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, from his new book “Wanna See My Solstice, Little Girl?” found in the dirty poetry section of your Public Library:
Bunky’s Ode to Summer
On the First Day of Summer
I couldn’t be glummer
Unless, my dear
You give me a hummer.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about all those reports that say Obama’s approval ratings are plummeting these days. “I just checked with Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes this morning,” Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained, and he said the value of your portfolio is doing the same damn thing.”
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
Monday we’ll be our Official Republican Survey E-dition and we’ll still be counting down the 1,306 days until Obama’s “historic” Third Term begins.
Tuesday is Log Cabin Day, and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will be featuring some of our Log Cabin Republicans.
Wednesday is Forgiveness Day, which should be a very easy day at The Blower, since there’s nothing we’ve done for which we need to be forgiven.
Thursday we’ll be celebrating Sun Glasses day because these days the sun is high in the sky, It’s blindingly bright, and a pair of UV protection sunglasses is definitely in order.
The first line of next Friday’s limerick is: “Obama says it’s now good to be gay.”
Saturday, Whistleblower Alternate Life-Styles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis will checking to see who’s bringing up the rear at this year’s Gay Day Parade.
Sunday Comix by Dixon Diaz
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Link of the Day
What Liberals Really Think about the TEA Party
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