Saturday, June 22, 2013
Happy Paddlefest, Everybody
Paddlefest, in case you’ve forgotten, is when Liberal Loonies try to sell us down the river one more time, but organizer Brewster Rhoads says his annual event is not to be confused with next week’s annual Gay Paddlefest, where Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis like to give each other spankings at Sawyer Point.- It was even more confusing until a couple of years ago when Paddlefest was scheduled at the same time as the Gay Pride Weekend in Greater Cincinnati.
- Anyway, our good friend Bobby Leach just e-mailed us our Gay Paddlefest Joke: “What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.”
Rob “Fighting for Flotation” Portman says he’ll be there for a Paddlefest photo op, too— just like he’s been every year for the past decade. The Robmesister used to take his Gay Son Will kayaking all the time. (The gay one’s on the left) Does that mean they’ll both be back for the Gay Pride Event next week?- Don’t forget to have somebody with a kayak trailer meet you at the finish line, or you’ll be walking 8.2 miles back upstream to Coney Island where you parked your car.
- At the same time in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders if the South Shore will get any credit for Paddlefest this weekend or even a small share of all that Paddling Capital of America News Hype. “Doesn’t anybody know the wet part of the Ohio River is actually in our state, no matter what it got named?” The Camboozler asked.
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LAUGH LINES IN DC: Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard has dodged more than 9,000 questions while lying for Obama so far. According to Yahoo, here’s the BS Breakdown: “I don’t have the answer” (1905 times), “I would refer you to someone else” (1383 times), “You already know the answer” (1125 times), “I’m not going to tell you” (939 times), “Not that I know of” (927 times), “I don’t want to” (588 times), “I’m not sure” (549 times), “I won’t speculate” (525 times), “No comment” (429 times), “I’ll get back to you” (387 times), “It’s a good question” (381 times), “See yesterday’s non-response” (231 times), and The Blower’s favorite, “The president won’t tell me” (117 times). 
OUR LATE NIGHT JOKE WATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “Bad day on Wall Street — the stock market dropped over 350 points today. See, I knew Obama shouldn’t have come back home. I knew this was going to happen.” LNJW also liked David Letterman’s “During the summer all scandals will be reruns. That’s a programming reminder from the White House” and Jimmy Fallon’s “Last night the White House staff played softball against a team made of marijuana lobbyists. Which explains why there were 20 hits before the game even started.”- ROGUE REPORT: Whistleblower Rogue IRS Snitch Ferrell Katz says, here’s a real shocker for you. The Cincinnati IRS Office lets union groups escape tax exempt scrutiny. Coincidence? We think not!
The Big Three TV Networks punted on covering the Capitol Hill “Audit the IRS” rally on their Wednesday evening and Thursday morning newscasts. Locally, Obama Supporters in the Press made sure there were no pictures of all those TEA Party Patriots waving their “Abolish the IRS” Signs in front of local Congressional offices.
- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Obama’s approval rating slipped to 44% on Friday. That’s his lowest overall approval rating since last August – 10 months ago. 55% now disapprove. Meanwhile, would you believe according to a Pew Survey, “Incompetent” and “Liar” are words most frequently used to describe Obama. And you think all those Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing Low-Information Obama Supporters wouldn’t vote for him again tomorrow? Suck it up, Good Government Fans. There are still 1,307 more days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1944, FDR signed the GI Bill to recognize and repay men and women returning from WWII for their service, after which Whistleblower Veterans Affairs Reporter PTSD Tadwell says the highly educated veterans charged up the hill to capture the American dream, and our nation embarked on a thirty year economic boom. It’s a pity our heroes of today are only treated as political pawns during Congress’ never-ending bi-partisan bickering.
IN CONGRESS: Our DC Newsbreaker says Thursday, three local Republican Congressmen helped the House defeat Boehner’s five-year, half-trillion-dollar farm bill today that would have cut $2 billion annually from food stamps and let states impose broad new work requirements on those who receive them. “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup said, cuts to the federal food stamp program didn’t go far enough. Congressman Steve Chabothead objected to “wasteful, corporate welfare programs” that benefit big “agriculture conglomerates.” But Feckless Fishwrapper Deirdre Shesgreen forgot to mention why Kentucky Congressman Thomas Massie voted against it, even if Kentucky’s Fourth District Congressman killed his own Amendment that would’ve allowed colleges and universities to grow hemp for academic research.- IN HAMILTON COUNTY: Friday, Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters announced a death penalty indictment against Westwood resident John G. Deloney in the June 15 murder of Richard Allen Evans in the Cosmic Pizza case, but the old JayWalker did’t call the murdering bastard “Scum.”
- CONSERVATIVE CURMUDGEON STU MAHLIN says if you like watching reruns of “The Odd Couple” on MeTV, you’ll just have to love reading another Haynes Goddard rumination in The Fishwrap (Wed, June 20, p. A11). To personify “reason” Haynes cites the Marxist ideologue Paul Krugman, while his personifications of “emotion” include Ronald Reagan, Paul Ryan, and Ayn Rand. Clearly, Haynes is the Oscar Madison of the economics business. He should go clean his room; he might find his brain in there somewhere.
Speaking of old time TV, you could’ve seen Jerry Seinfeld tell the same old jokes live at the Aronoff Friday for only $79 plus parking.
FROM THE WHISTLEBLOWER SCIENCE LAB: Yesterday Whistleblower Science Editor Copernicus Tadwell showed you the digital technology that would let Obama’s Killer Drones identify your face in the middle of a crowd. [SEE IT HERE] Today we’re going to show you the Amazing Escherian Stairwell. We know how it works. See if you can figure it out.
Meanwhile, porn investigators at our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ office are busy watching The Naked News.
- TAX SCOFFLAW UPDATE: The Vanilla Hills Vigilante says he checked The Morning Fishwrap yesterday and Willie’s on Crescent Avenue in Covington was past due in paying its taxes a grand total of $45,217.03. Is that some great publicity for WLW Trash Talker Bill Cunningham or what?
- FINALLY AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Chares Foster Kane how far Obama has fallen after he hit a wall with his Berlin speech earlier this week. “To show you how lame our lame duck president really is these days,” Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained, “JFK will be remembered in Berlin for “Ich bin ein Berliner,” Ronald Reagan for “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall,” and Obama for “It’s so hot I’m actually going to take off my jacket.”
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
Some of Today’s Better Political Cartoons
PADDLEFEST HOT LINE
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Some safe boating items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally safe boating Whistleblower Subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Link of the Day
Best Thrift Shop Parody “I’m Obama”
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