Friday, June 7, 2013
Top Ten List
Today it’s the Top Ten Reasons Loony Libertarian Jim Berns, who’s running the most outrageous mayoral campaign in Cincinnati history, got caught trying to give out tomato plants instead of free marijuana to all those Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing Obama Supporters in Cincinnati on Wednesday:
10. I forgot
9. The dog ate it
8. Cranley and Foxy Roxy kept calling the prosecutor’s office demanding I be arrested.
7. I did it to help the homeless
6. The Devil made me do it
5. I just wanted to be loved–is there anything wrong with that?
4. I’m a Libertarian
3. I was framed
2. This whole thing is just one big terrible mistake
…and the Number One Reason Loony Libertarian Jim Berns, who’s running the most outrageous mayoral campaign in Cincinnati history, got caught trying to give out tomato plants instead of free marijuana to all those Dumb Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing Obama Supporters in Cincinnati on Wednesday is… the guys at The Blower promised nobody would never find out.
Same Time, Last Year
Think of how much things have changed since last year on this date when Republicans watched all that Whoop-Ass in Wisconsin. Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus said Tuesday night was a really big night for Republicans in Wisconsin, and it could’ve been even a bigger night for all America.- Noted Wisconsin Political Reporter Cheddarhead Tadwell said it was a good night for Wisconsin’s Republican Governor Scott Walker, who won his recall election by even a larger margin than he won in the first place, especially after daring to ask Public Sector Unions and Liberal Freeloaders to pay a small part of their fair share.
It was a bad night for Big Labor, signaling Republican lawmakers across the nation that challenging government unions could pay political and fiscal dividends.- It was a bad night for the White House. Wisconsin was just another dead canary in Obama’s Coal Mine.
- It was a bad night for Obama Supporters on TV. Wednesday’s Washington Post said Walker’s 54%-46% was a close vote and CNN would only say that Walker had “survived.”
- It was a bad night for Dispirited DemocRATS. Ignore the spin. Tuesday was a disaster. And it was a bad night for Liberals everywhere. The Left had picked another fight and lost, again.
- And Hurley the Historian said on this date in 1966, a former actor named Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California. No wonder Republicans were celebrating.
- Meanwhile, back at Mediocre American Ball Park, Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather said Reds starting pitcher Homer Bailey gave up six runs in only three innings as Dusty’s boys suffered another humiliating loss, this time to the Pittsburgh Pirates.
In Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo said last April 1, The Blower offered a bogus apology for ridiculing Resigned-in-Disgrace Former Clermont County Commissioner Archie Wilson, just because he traded drugs for sex with a hooker who called herself “Amanda Lay” at a sleazy motel in Northern Kentucky, saying it was unfair to all those sleazy hotels in Ohio.
But after Archie got just about the most lenient sentence in history in Judge Ann Ruttle’s Kenton District Courtroom, the Bluegrass Tourist Board was planning a big promotional campaign to bring more out-of-state businessmen and elected officials to Northern Kentucky for sex with skanky hookers in sleazy motels along I-75.
But they were having trouble deciding on an advertising slogan for their billboards along interstate highways. The Northern Kentucky Convention and Visitors Bureau likes “Getting Lucky in Kentucky,” and the Northern Kentucky Sleazy Motel Association prefers “We Can Tuck You In.”
More Current Events
EARLIER THIS WEEK when our Good Friend Edward Cropper said Rumor Has It “Wolf Blitzer To Be Gradually Phased Out and Replaced With Younger, Hipper Host.,” was he thinking about that time in “Kiss of Death” when Richard Widmark pushed that old lady down to stairs in her wheelchair?- ROGUES FOR OBAMA: Whistleblower Rogue IRS Snitch Ferrell Katz says two IRS staffers in the Cincinnati office told investigators in Congress that Washington DC “helped direct the probe of TEA-party groups that began in 2010.”
- OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “The mystery is over. After a month of waiting, it turns out that an 84-year-old woman in Florida has won the $590 million Powerball lottery. As for how much tax she’s going to have to pay, the IRS said it’s too early to tell because they don’t know whether she’s a Republican or DemocRAT.”
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says during June 4-7, 1942, nearly six months after the attack on Pearl Harbor, a small fleet of U.S. forces defended against and defeated four carriers of the Japanese navy during the Battle of Midway, which inflicted one of the most devastating in naval history on those sneaky Jap bastards. Today marks the 71st anniversary of that naval battle of World War II, which created a shift of power between the Japanese and U.S. Naval forces, and placed the United States in a position to check the growth of Japan in the Pacific.
OUR CITY HALL SNITCH says when Cincinnati’s Girly Mayor Mark Mallory and his Rubber Stamp City Clowncil tried to rehabilitate $tan Che$ley’s reputation by asking him to sit on the City’s so-called Human Relations Commission, did they remind our disbarred attorney to bring his checkbook.- BLACK ON BLACK: After demanding documents about the local office of the NAALCP from the Hamilton County Prosecutor’s Office, our Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes with Hate” Livingston showed us that on September 14, 2012, “JayWalking Joe” Deters signed a letter presenting SMLP Smithermouth a $25,000 check to support the Branch’s so-called “anti-drug and alcohol preventive education programs.”
Somehow, The Natester doesn’t think “Jaywalking Joe” got his money’s worth.
- CONSERVATIVE CURMUDGEON STU MAHLIN sent a us a copy of his letter to The Fishwrap, just in case Skaggie Maggie’s Minions decided not to print it:
To the editor:
RE: Otis Hess letter 6/6/13 “Streetcars make cities accessible, visitor-friendly”
Mr. Hess gleefully tells us that riding the rails in Phoenix, Charlotte, Tampa Bay, Atlanta, Minneapolis, Portland, Memphis, San Francisco, Chicago and New Orleans “…was fun, cheap and easy.”
Has Mr. Hess written letters to the newspapers and governments in those markets to thank the taxpayers — not the governments, the TAXPAYERS — for the gigantic subsidies they paid so Mr. Hess could ride on the cheap? For every $1 Mr. Hess paid at the fare box per ride, 10,000 taxpayers each paid a dime for that ride.
Pay your OWN way, Mr. Hess!
— Stu Mahlin, Hyde Park
MISTER SNITCH says there’s a new scandal brewing in Clermont County involving an elected official. And you thought without Whore-Mongering Commissioner Archie Wilson on the scene, such a scandal could never happen again.- IN ANDERSON TOWNSHIP: Two groups of dinosaurs were meeting at the Anderson Taj Mahal Wednesday night. One was the Anderson Township Historical Association. The other was the Anderson Township GOP Club. Can you guess which meeting had a larger audience?
- FINALLY AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were reminding Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how enthusiastic Republicans were at the same time last year, because that big election win in Wisconsin was seen as an omen for what would happen in November. “Republicans who believed in Omens in 2012 were surely misled,” Kane explained.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Ambrose Bierce’s “OMEN, n. A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.”
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
Some of Today’s Political Cartoons
Stories We’re Working On
Obama Defends Spying On Millions of Americans- US media fail to break EVEN ONE of the major Obama scandals
- Number of Liberal Groups The IRS Targeted: ZERO
- Biden: Brain Surgeon Told Me I Had Less Than A 50% Chance Of “Being Completely Normal”
- 90% Consider “Fundamentalist Islam” A “Threat” To America
- Holder Misses Deadline to Explain His Lies Before Congress
- Reds say “What Bullpen Problem?”
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said most Apathetic Americans would be spending Flag Day next Friday:
(A) Reviewing their books on Flag Etiquette: 2%
(B) Trying to find an American flag made in the USA: 1%
(C) Peeing in one of Mayor Mallory’s public swimming pools in Cincinnati: 1%
(D) Watching Desecrating DemocRAT David A. Pepper burn Old Glory: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
D-DAY Plus 69 Years
This week, everybody who says it’s always D-Day for DemocRATS: “Denial, Deceit, and Deception!,” e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is VFW Tadwell, who says now that New Jersey Senator Frank Lautenberg is finally a “Good DemocRAT,” the U.S. Senate lost one of its last World War II veteran.
VFW wins a wide range of Normandy 1944 souvenirs and mementos, a grossly offensive T-Shirt showing SS-Hauptsturmführer Michael Wittmann climbing into his Tiger tank in June 1944, and a sampling of memorabilia brought home by 101st Airborne soldiers in WW2. His winning entry is:
On June 6 we celebrate D-Day,
Whether we’re at work or at play.
Too many good men did die
Back home the women would cry
It was just the price we all had to pay.
And from the Anderson Laureate (who remembers his landing on Ohama Beach as if it were yesterday):
On June 6 we celebrate D-Day
Imagine what it would be like today.
Our good men would still bleed
And our leaders would lead,
Making sure they were above the fray.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“To honor your dad on Father’s Day”
REPEAL THE 19th AMENDMENT HOT LINE
e-mail your sexist salutations today.
Some femme-bashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally femme-bashing subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Liberal Taxes Explained
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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