Monday, June 3, 2013

Using Tomorrow’s Technology

These days, every news organization in radio, television, and the print media continues trying to reinvent itself on the internet to attract more readers and viewers. They say it’s to meet the changing needs and tastes of news and information audiences, but The Blower says it’s because they need to cover-up the fact that the real reason they’re all losing audience or circulation is that they’re not doing their “news jobs” right in the first place.

Just this week The Whistleblower Editorial Board was discussing some of the recent devices we ourselves have employed to do a better job of bringing you the news, and the entire Board agreed with our Quote for Today Committee’s choice of this observation from distinguished Math and Physics professor James Yorke: “The most successful people are those who are good at Plan B.”

Most visible of our efforts would be all those vile-and-disgusting pictures sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers. A dirty mind is such a terrible thing to waste.

Then we have “links” (those underlined blue words that are a magical method of taking the reader to some other web page on the internet).

With a “link,” we can show you an entire news item. That comes in handy if you’re trying to examine the entire context of what somebody wrote, like gruesome pictures linked in yesterday’s Blower courtesy of those peaceful Muslims you hear about on the news. If that doesn’t get your attention, we don’t know what would.

When we say the incompetent people running a Congressman like “Bronze Star Brad’s” re-election campaign haven’t updated his web page for moe than ten weeks, you don’t have to take our word for it, we can actually show you the outdated web page.

Best of all, we can actually show you something we said in the past. Linking to a previous e-dition in the archives comes in especially handy when we’re claiming we made a prediction that came true.

You can always link to back issues of The Whistleblower at our archives on the Whistleblower-Newswire web page and enjoy some of your favorites at the Artis Conception Galleries, too.

Just Last Month, We Showed You Lots of Links

When Whistleblowers blew the lid off Obama’s Benghazi-Gate cover-up, we actually showed you that news report.
On Cinco de Mayo, The Blower demonstrated its diversity with “People startled by Cinco de Mayo,” a “Cinco de Mayo Test,” a “Border Patrol Game,” and “How to talk dirty in Spanish.
On Mother’s Day, we paid homage to our sainted mothers with “Dude, That’s my Mom,” And for those marvelous MILFs we know, we sent along “Happy Mother’s Day, MILFs,” “Mother’s Day MILF,” and our “Happy MILF Day Song.”
Then for something completely patriotic, on Armed Forces Day we showed you “I’m Putting Up the Flag.”
Getting ready for our Memorial Day getaway, we showed you “Gasoline Prices in Your Neighborhood,” and “How to save money on gasoline.”
For last weekend’s “Distaste of Cincinnati,” we showed you “Don’t leave home without it.”
Also last weekend, when HBO was scheduled to show “Taking Chance,” a 2009 historical drama film based upon the experiences of Marine Lt. Colonel Michael Strobl (Kevin Bacon), who escorted the body of a fallen Marine, PFC Chance Phelps (posthumously promoted to LCpl), back to his hometown from the Iraq War, we didn’t just tell you if there was ever a movie guaranteed to bring tears to your eyes on Memorial Day, this one ought to do it, we even showed you that movie trailer.
On Memorial Day Weekend, we previewed “The 2013 National Memorial Day Concert,” and showed you “Remember Me,” “The Greatest Play in Baseball,” and “Reveille.”
Last year when Obama “evolved” to support same sex marriage, we showed you “The First Gay President,” “Mitt Romney on Gay Marriage,” “Here’s How You Know You’re Gay,” and “The Colors of Hamilton County.”
On Bluegrass Primary Day, we showed you “Which Candidates to Trust,” and “JIM BUNNING: As Pitcher and Senator, Mean & Heartless.”
Every Opening Day, we always show you Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark “Throws Like a Girl” Mallory making himself the laughingstock of the entire nation.
Each week when the latest and greatest e-dition of Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders healthy and delicious e-newsletter is on cyber newsstands, The Blower shows you some of the usual bags… as in scum-bags, dirt-bags, and ho-bags. Did anybody check out This Week In Kenton Circuit Court to play The Robster’s amusing game of “Pick the Chick” to see if you can figure out which of the ugly mugs is actually female?
Members of the Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) really like it when The Blower shows some of Crazy Eric’s more embarrassing moments, like when he said, “If you want to conquer an African nation, SEND WHITE WOMEN AND POT.”

How upset was the League of United Latin American Citizens when Loco Eric made fun of Mexicans in this video, just like WLW did when they put up those Mexican billboards?

Probably almost as upset as Whistleblower Alternate Life-Style Editors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis when they watched Crazy Eric claim he’s never had a homophobic moment in his life.

Finally, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why The Blower features for many interesting links. “That’s easy,” Kane explained. “It gives all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing Obama Supporters something to do while the adults are talking. It’s like letting your TV babysit your children.”
And that’s why we always guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see our links and pictures on their computer monitors will never fully appreciate all the good stuff in that day’s edition.

HOT LINKS HOTLINE

e-mail your fantastic favorites today.

Some non-pornographic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally non-pornographic subscribers.

Whistleblower News Link of the Day

Judge Jeanine SCORCHES Eric Holder, says he should be INDICTED

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.