Saturday, June 1, 2013

Brought to You By The Letter “D”

Recently in our “Devolving Democracy” Edition, we said it was just like “Dumbing Down.” Often we’ve told you Obama’s Third Term Re-Election Plan is to “Divide, Distract, and Deceive.” Maybe that’s why whenever The Blower uses the word “DemocRAT,” it’s usually preceded by another “D-Word,” for alliteration (a literary effect achieved by consecutive words that begin with the same consonant, in case all you SCPS graduates were absent that day).

And today, with the $400,000 2013 Cincinnati Mayoral Primary Elections on September 10 only 101 days away, here are a few other D-words that come to mind when the Official Voice of the Conservative Agenda thinks about Obama and the DemocRATS. Look them up in your Funken Wagnalls if you don’t know what they mean:

Dishonest, dildo, dalliance, dastardly, dazed, debacle, debased, debauchery, decadent, defective, defensive, deficient, defect, deflect, deflower, deformed, defraud, degenerate, degrade, deign, delete, deleterious, derelict, delinquent, demagogue, demean, demented, demerit, demolish, demonic, demoralize, demote, demount, denounce, depend, deplete, deplorable, depose, depraved, depressing, deprive, derail, deride, derogatory, descent, desecrate, desert, desecrate, desensitize, desire, desperate, despicable, deteriorate, detest, detract, devalue, devastate, deviate, devoid, devour, diabolic, diaphragm, diatribe, dictate, diddle, digress, dilatory, dim, diminish, dimwitted, dire, dirty, dis, disappointment, disapproval, disarray, disaster, disbar, disbelieve, disclaim, disclose, discombobulate, discomfort, discommend, discompose, disconnect, disconsolate, discord, discourage, discourteous, discrepancy, discreditable, disease, disenchant, disestablish, dysfunction, disgrace, disgruntle, disguise, disgust, dishonest, disillusion, disingenuous, disloyal, dismal, dismay, disorderly, disorganized, disparity, displace, dispute, disquiet, disrepair, disrespect, disrepute, disrobe, disrupt, dissatisfactory, disseminate, dissent, disservice, dissident, distain, distasteful, distress, distort, disturbed, disunite, dither, divert, divisive, document, dodge, doleful, DNA, donation, double-dealing, double-crossing, double-faced, doubt, douche, downcast, downfall, downgrade, downhill, dredge, dreg, dress, dribble, drool, dumb-ass, duplicity, duress, and, of course, dickhead.

Obviously, this isn’t a complete list. If you think of any we’ve missed, please let us know.

IN WASHINGTON: Our DC Newbreaker boycotted Obama’s Outlaw Attorney General Eric Holder’s offer to join a so-called press conference Thursday where he discussed the Obama White House’s various efforts to monitor, intimidate, and harass journalists. Holder’s condition was that the meeting be “off the record,” meaning none of the reporters would be allowed to report what was said at the meeting, except that the Obama Administration claims to support Freedom of the Press.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says 42% think Holder should resign, and the rest must still be getting “the free stuff.”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1980, left-wing lunatics found a new way to spew their Liberal lies when CNN began broadcasting.
IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says with Ohio’s deals to help lure 528 jobs to Wilmington, there were seven tables at the Southern State Community College job fair. Six belonged to companies pledging to create jobs there, and the seventh was for Governor Kasich-Taylor’s JobsOhio.

Also, Scandal Plagued Matt Borges was sworn in as Chairman of the Ohio RINO Party by retiring Chairman Boob Bennett at Ohio Party Headquarters in Columbus on Friday. Now that Matt’s been sworn in, he can be sworn at.

POLITICAL PHOTO-OP This week, First District Congressman Steve Chabothead showed up at a photo-op making hamburgers at White Castle for National Hamburger Month. Doesn’t the Board of Health say people who work in restaurant kitchens are supposed to use hats or hairnets to cover their hair?
NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose J. Wellington Wimpy’s “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today,” from the long-running “Popeye” comic strip.
FREEBIE ALERT: Speaking of “Free Eats for Elected Officials,” Clermont County State Rep-tile John Becker says “I never miss those First Friday Free Lunches” put on by Lobbyist Chippy Gerhardt.” Do you think people paying $20 for the buffet lunch know Chippy sends a separate e-mail to Becker and all the State Rep Tile Freeloaders without the price in it?
ANDERSON ANTICS: Anderson Township is already into its 28th season of the weekly Faux Farmers’ Market on Saturday.

Besides freshly-picked fruits and vegetables, there’ll be music, a knife sharpening guy, and a food truck.

Trustee President “In Russ We Trust” Jackson says people with food fetishes should check out his big zucchini, and Anderson’s Chief Financial Officer Ken “Just One More Budweiser, Thank You” Dietz says he’ll be there early waiting for the beer booth to open.

And ladies, whatever you do, DO NOT offer Masturbating Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien a ride home in your car.

A little bit of Hyde Park is also coming to Anderson… Arthur’s is opening a new location in the former Ground Round and former Anderson Pub. They do put lots of booze in their drinks and have great burgers.

Meanwhile, Angry Andy at the Anderson TEA Party says this Spring, Ohio voters were able to get the Medicaid Expansion out of the Ohio Budget, but Big-Government RINOS just keep putting it back in. That’s why TEA Party Patriots say you should let $tate Rep-tile for $ale Peter $tautberg know of your intent to vote in the primary of 2014, and that if he votes for Obamacare expansion in any way, your vote will go to his opponent next year, even if it’s “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman. Email Peter Stautberg

IN HAMILTON COUNTY: Judge Ghizzy is causing quite a stir these days with some of her addled actions on the bench. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows her doing her best Sergeant Schultz “I Know Nothing” impersonation.
WHAT’S IN A NAME: Down at Hamilton County RINO Party Headquarters, Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP stopped tweeting long enough to send out his fourth edition of his “40 Under 40,” whatever in hell that is, featuring Heather Chura and William “BJ” Durel. Do you think they ever kid “BJ” about his nickname?

Local RINOs celebrated another “rearranging of the deck chairs on the Titanic” yesterday at the investiture of new Judge Carl Stitch. Chairman Alex T. chose once again to look away from his record of losing more County wide seats to DemocRATS and the ever increasing blueness of Hamilton County under his alleged leadership. Has anyone asked who the Republican candidate for Mayor of Cincinnati is?

IN CINCINNATI: Did Cincinnati’s Girly Mayor Mallory really send out a press release promoting Obama’s phony-baloney plans for Amnesty for Illegal Immigrants? If anybody actually gives a Big Rat’s Ass, please let us know.
BLUEGRASS BEREAVEMENT: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo can’t understand why there won’t be more news coverage of Monday’s Confederate Memorial Day celebration in Northern Kentucky.

Confederacy President Jefferson Davis was born on June 3, 1808 in Fairview, Kentucky. For those of you who don’t know where Fairview is, it’s near Hopkinsville, wherever in the hell that is.

Many people have never understood why so many people in Kentucky celebrate Confederate Memorial Day in the first place, since more Kentuckians fought for the Union than the CSA (100,000 to 40,000).

IN KENTON COUNTY: The two Emergency Management guys from Kenton County (known as Humpty and Dumpty) should watch out when there talking about the Sheriff. There may be someone within earshot who actually likes Sheriff Chuck.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he thought about Congressman Steve Chabothead’s photo-op making hamburgers at White Castle for National Hamburger Month.

“Just wait,” Kane explained. June is “Aquarium Month, Candy Month, Dairy Month, Fight the Filthy Fly Month, Gay Pride Month, National Accordion Awareness Month, National Adopt a Cat Month, National Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Month, Rose Month, and Turkey Lovers Month. Let’s see which one of those events old Chabothead shows up to promote.”

Whistleblower Alternate Life-styles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis have already sent Chabot an engraved invitation. “You know which one of those made-up “months” is going to get all the publicity at Skaggie Maggie’s “Oh So Diverse” Excuse for a Publication.

REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.

Some of Today’s Better Political Cartoons

CONFEDERATE MEMORIAL DAY HOT LINE

e-mail your rebel yells today.

Some Confederate-loving items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Confederate-loving Whistleblower Subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.