Friday, April 19, 2013
Happy Patriots’ Day, Everybody!
Hurley the Historian says a lot of blood has been shed on this date in American history. Besides 1775, when the shot heard ‘round the world officially began the American Revolution during the Battle at Lexington Green, in 1861, we had the first bloodshed during the Civil War. In 1993, Clinton’s Attorney General Janet Reno blew up David Koresh and his followers at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco; and in 1995, Homegrown Terrorist Timothy McVeigh blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Now which of these events do you think our Kneepad Liberals in the Press are most likely to mention?
Yesterday we told you how on that date in 1775, Patriots Paul Revere and William Dawes set out on horseback from Boston, riding to every Middlesex, village, and farm to warn the countryside that the British were coming, and wouldn’t you know, even way back when, the New York Times was already undermining America’s patriotism.- Some people confuse today’s “Patriots’ Day” celebration with George W. Bush’s “Patriot Day” commemoration on September 11. Even more people get the “Patriots’ Day” apostrophe in the wrong place, including patriotic Tea Partiers sending out e-mails reminding their patriots about tonight’s big Freedom Expo 2013 at the Northern Kentucky Convention Center. Get your Free Tickets Here.
- Thursday, Obama stopped whining about gun control long enough to hop on Air Force One and fly to Boston for a post-atrocity campaign photo-op honoring the murdered and maimed victims at Monday’s Boston Marathon. We’re not sure if a fund-raiser was included during the trip. It certainly wasn’t the sort of uplifting experience that brought the entire nation together when George W. Bush showed up to throw out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium after 9-11. [THAT WAS REALLY PATRIOTIC]
More patriotic, to be sure, was when NFL prospect Brandon O’Brien re-enlisted in the Marines after watching the carnage after the Boston terror attacks. Oooh-Rah! You can’t get much more patriotic than that.- At the same time, ScrappleFace reported the City of Boston had agreed to surrender to “al Qaeda, or whoever did this” just two days after two bombs exploded near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing three and wounding 170. Meanwhile, in Pakistan, the Palestinian territory, and throughout the Muslim world, mobs of cheering people chanted, “Boston has fallen, Braintree is next.” (And you thought some of the stuff in The Blower was outrageous.)
- Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Ronald Reagan’s “Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.
RACIAL PROFILING UPDATE:
Thursday, Weasel Zippers reported the FBI released pictures of two suspects who are seen carrying black bags near the explosion sites of the bombing of the Boston Marathon. It’s a good thing these dark skinned young men don’t look like Arabs.
A Few Things Not Quite So Patriotic
DOWN AT THE FISHWRAP: Metro Mole says Idiotorial Board Members were high-fivin’ it all over the place yesterday after thrice-disbarred attorney $tan Che$ley resigned Wednesday night from the University of Cincinnati board of trustees. “We called for his resignation on April 5,” Idiotorial Page Editor Dave Holthaus claimed. “Why didn’t I just buy that fucking newspaper with all the money I stole and fire all those those bastards,” $tan lamented.
In a related story, now that Mark Malloy’s friend $tan is off the UC Board of Trustees, Cincinnati Girly Mayor can appoint Che$ley to find that $17 million now needed to fund his Trolley Folly after Vice Mayor Roxanne Qualls set a special meeting for April 29 for a public hearing on the status of the Trolley Folly so she can debate herself over the cost of cancelling the streetcar project.
- MEANWHILE OVER AT THE BOARD OF ELECTIONS: In spite of all those bogus signatures turned in by Loony Libertarian Jim Berns, Parking Protest signatures are being validated at 64% rate, and there may actually be enough valid signatures to declare victory on Thursday afternoon. Maybe somebody will report it.
- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says now that Disgraced DemocRAT Former Hamilton County Commissioner David A. Pepper is running against Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWhine in 2014, everybody’s wondering which candidate The Blower will be rooting against the most.
Also in Columbus, now more than 150 Conservative Leaders from over 100 Groups back Zawistowski for Republican Party Chairman Chairman on April 26. In an open letter titled “A Message to the Ohio GOP from Ohio Conservative Group Leaders,” the leaders expressed their disappointment in the actions of the Republican candidates they helped to elect and their frustrations with the Ohio Republican Party in general. The leaders also expressed their belief that they and their members feel that they have no choice but to start a third party because they have lost confidence in the Ohio Republican Party and its candidates to represent their views. They told the ORP leadership that they would only trust Tom Zawistowski as Chairman to make the necessary changes that would keep them active in the Ohio Republican Party going forward.
IN CINCINNATI: As previously reported, ignorant Cincinnati Police Chief James Craig says he is “highly interested” in the police chief job in Detroit. We really hope he gets it. In fact, we’ll even pay for a band to play as he leaves.
Let’s see, Craig never bothered to register to vote in Hamilton County. He lives in a rented place. He never got an Ohio driver’s license. His wife still resides in California. The moving boxes are still in his garage. Craig was too stupid to pass the Ohio basic police office certification test, and wouldn’t even dare to take the test, in spite of being tutored for months by Cincinnati police supervisors. Ohio attorney general Mike DeWhine refused to give him a pass on the test, regardless of Craig’s whiny demands. Craig is afraid of water and won’t even go over bridges. He doesn’t know the names of Cincinnati streets and has to have a police officer drive him everywhere. He has no powers of arrest in Cincinnati. So what would we be losing? Not much. Craig is out of Cincinnati more than half the time anyway, and the other half, he’s busy giving free passes to wayward yoofs and other lawbreakers.
- MEANWHILE AT CITY HALL: Cecil Thomas says it’s OK for his wife to take his place on Clown-cil, since those positions are hereditary anyway, especially for minorities.
HOW ABOUT THEM REDS? Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather couldn’t stop cheering after Reds pitcher Aroldis Chapman won that that half-inning suspended game at 5:30 without throwing a single pitch on Wednesday, and Mike Leake threw a three-hit shutout for seven innings Wednesday night along with pounding the Phillies for three hits, including a triple. Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall wonders if anybody remembers the front page headline Leake got two years ago today when he was caught red-handed shoplifting at Macy’s.
“Not to worry, the fix was in,” FurBall explained. Señor Bob Castellini’s lawyers at Dinsmore and Shohl were on top of it. Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP would be assigned to arrange for Republicans at the Hamilton County Courthouse to place Leake in a “diversion” program so his record could be expunged.
SPEAKING OF DIVERSION PROGRAMS: what kind of a slap-on-a-wrist message did Hamilton County Judge Robert Winker send that Obama-loving Vote Frauding Nun anyway— three “Hail Marys” and a stint in a so-called diversion program?
IN ANDERSON: with only three weeks until the Forest Gump School District’s stealth Tax Hike Election on May 7, was anybody surprised to see school teacher Janet Baker’s column cheerleading for the tax hike on the so-called editorial page? Meanwhile, WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Darryl Parks says “Anybody who votes for a school levy is stupid.”
- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says the head of that group accused of illegally taping private meetings of Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell’s campaign visited the White House days before the group’s Twitter account began actively attacking the Kentucky Republican, according to White House visitors’ logs. How shocking is that?
Also, New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow, known as much for his Christian faith as his football skills, will deliver a 90-minute inspirational/motivational talk on Friday at US Bank Arena in downtown Cincinnati to benefit a Florence nonprofit. You really have to be inspired to sit through an inspirational talk for that long.
GUEST COLUMN: Well, this snitch has been out of touch for awhile. However, a recent event has renewed my interest in wrongdoing when I see it. Known from my blogging days as; “Bristolsorbust” (before NKY.com started seeking our identities), I have a bone to pick with the McConnell goons. Since when is it not allowed that all American folks can’t express themselves without fear of repercussion? Rick Bruggemann recently expressed what a lot of folks in Boondoggle County already feel. Bitch has a tough road ahead of him. “The goons” cornered Rick in the dark parking lot (because they forgot to plan for lights) at the Boondoggle County courthouse. Strong arm tactics really piss me off! All voters that Stand with Rand will remember that famous commercial a couple of years ago that Mitch put out. See if this rings a bell, Mitch? “I rarely endorse in primaries but I want you to vote for Trey Grayson.” I have not forgotten it, nor have a lot of people! Good luck, Mitch getting all those Trey Grayson votes. This snitch would love to see our beloved “Whistleblower “put out this Poll: Who helped their candidate more: (A) when Bitch endorsed Trey Grayson or (B) The Goofster and Beanball Jim” Bunning when they endorsed Alicia Webb Eddgington. —Thank you, “Bristolsorbust.”
FINALLY, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about how The Fishwrap was taking full credit these days for $tan Che$ley’s decision to resign from the University of Cincinnati board of trustees. “Last year at this time The Fishwrap was apologizing,” Kane explained. “Remember when Fishwrap Editor Wedgie Washburn had to explain why they had to stop the presses after a worker noticed a photo of protesters supporting gay marriage with a lesbian holding a sign with an arrow pointing at her partner boasting “I fuck her.” These days they’d be looking for a picture of Rob “Fighting for Fuckers” Portman in the picture.
Stories We’re Working On
Senate delivers devastating blow to Obama’s agenda to regulate guns- Looters hit marathon route after bomb blasts\
- Top Dem sees “train wreck” for ObamaCare
- Why Obama doesn’t want to take credit for the Stock Market
- The end of full time work in the American retail service sector
- How does Portman’s 2016 opponent feel about same sex marriages?
- Che$ley pays $88,000 for his own Kentucky Bar Association disbarment investigation
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said most politicians in Kentucky planned to spend Earth Day:
(A) Telling people how much they care about the environment: 2%
(B) Wearing something green: 1%
(C) Thanking Goof Doofus for retiring: 1%
(D) Slinging mud: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Re-Distributing the Wealth
This week, everybody who thinks Obama’s plans to Tax the Rich instead of Cutting Spending is not the way to balance the Federal Budget, e-mailed his entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted Conservative Economist Supply-Side Tadwell, who says, “Even if the ‘rich’ gets defined down to the top 10% of income tax filers — whose average annual household income is $114,000 — the level of revenue from even a 100% tax would still not close the budget gap.”
Supply-Side wins an “Economists Are Sexy” T-Shirt, a box full of Economics books from the Joseph Beth Bisexual Bookstore auction, and a really low evaluation for his house from our Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor, since property values have dropped dramatically from what properties had been assessed last year. His winning limerick is:
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Or rather keep the poor on the floor?
The “job creators”
Are really the haters
Who keep their money offshore.
Our Conservative Curmudgeon says:
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Does our national debt have neither ceiling nor floor?
What Obama is really spreading around,
Isn’t wealth, but manure, so we’ve found.
It’s just socialism through the back door.
Tea Party Tim says:
Do the rich really want to pay more,
Or is this part of Obama’s Marxist war?
Warren Buffett is all hot to shell out;
Does he want us to think he’s a good Cub Scout,
Even though all his assets are offshore?
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still working on his taxes):
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Why, just axe Obama, he’ll say “Sure!”
He gets it free anyways
Why should he care what he pays?
We can’t wait till we show him the door.
“Tax the rich,” the socialists say!
“We don’t care what they have to pay”
But if they took all the richs’ money,
It wouldn’t make a dent, Honey
The problem is government spending, OK?
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Well, according to liberals, sure!
But don’t jobs come from the rich?
Use your head, you sumbitch!
You’re not gonna get hired by the poor!
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The new chairman at the Ohio GOP”
PATRIOTS DAY HOT LINE
e-mail your red-white-and blue comments today.
Some patriotic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally patriotic subscribers.
LINK OF THE DAY
FINISHING THE MARATHON
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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