Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Yesterday was your dreaded TAX DAY, and 86% of American adults actually planned to have their taxes filed by Monday’s midnight deadline. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
Today is “Emancipation Day” in Washington DC, a legal holiday commemorating the day in 1862 when Lincoln freed the Confederate slaves. —Hurley the Historian
Thursday is TAX FREEDOM DAY for everybody in the United States this year. That means Americans will have worked 108 days during 2013 before they have earned enough money to pay this year’s tax obligations at the federal, state and local levels. —Your Friends at the Tax Foundation
That’s why we chose John Marshall’s “The power to tax involves the power to destroy.” That was in 1819. We wonder what that conservative Chief Justice would say today. —Your Quote for Today Committee
Just because the president’s Federal tax rate was only 18.4% doesn’t mean he wasn’t paying his fair share. —Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
This year we increased our charitable donations from 1.5 % of our incomes to 1.87 %. At the same time, we raked in $26,400 in 2012 by renting a cottage on the property of our Delaware home to the Secret Service. —The Benevolent Bidens
Even though we didn’t have a big Tax Day Rally on Fountain Square this year, we’ll be joining forces to go beyond just “tax” issues and focus on Freedom at “Freedom Expo” on Friday, April 19. We’re expecting 1,200 people at our free event with over 20 Expo tables from groups all over the tri-state and speakers like Seth Morgan, K Carl Smith, Doc Thompson, and Congressman Thomas Massie. —The Cincinnati Tea Party and Northern Kentucky Tea Party
Also on Friday, we’re having a rally for Juvenile Judge Tracie Hunter. —Illegal DemocRAT Voters in Hamilton County
Please don’t report how hospital interests, labor unions, and far left leaning groups were enthusiastically cheering for my attempts to secure billions of debt-driven dollars tied to expanding Medicaid/Obamacare in our state at their orchestrated rally at the statehouse last week. —Ohio Republican Governor John Kasich Taylor
Just because Senator Rob “Fighting for Fancy Boys” Portman caved on same sex marriage has nothing to do with why we’re targeted him. —Left Wing Gun Control Advocates
Just because I owe a paltry $493,624 in federal taxes and $98,397 in state taxes doesn’t mean I’m not qualified to become Ohio RINO Party Boss. —Ohio RINO Party Executive Director Matt Borges
Isn’t it slightly hypocritical that my fellow UC trustees were never concerned about my ethics whenever I donated money to the university? —Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Disbarred in Kentucky Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley
If you commissioned a study that showed you came in a distant third in this year’s Cincinnati Mayoral Race, would you be stupid enough to release the results? —Hamilton County Commissioner Me, Greg Hartmann
With Girly Mayor Mallory’s comments that no police officer or firefighter has never been laid off during his term, maybe he’ll resign and appoint Foxy Roxy mayor to do the dirty deed. After all, it’s that time of year. You should also look for Cecil Thomas to resign and appoint his wife to his seat on Clown-cil. —Your City Hall Snitch
Please don’t ask if anybody at Monday night’s Northwest Tea Party was interested in where I stood on enforcing Obama’s unconstitutional gun laws. —Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil
Also on Friday, we’re having a rally for Juvenile Judge Tracie Hunter. —Illegal DemocRAT Voters in Hamilton County
We had to let Loony Libertarian Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns in the group shot when we delivered our 19,803 signatures to the City Finance Director, simply because he promised to send copies of the picture. —Parking Plot Petitioners

CALLING ALL TRI-STATE JOURNALISTS! The Cincinnati Pro Chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists is looking for Your Best Work from 2010. Send in your entries today. —Tom McKee, Greater Cincinnati SPJ President, at Channel 9 “Substantially True” News
Did somebody really tell The Blower that my next door neighbor sells dildos? —Phil Burr-Ass, Citizens for Community Values
Welcome to the first issue of the Anderson Alumni E-Newsletter, just in time for the Forest Gump School District’s stealth tax hike election on May 7. —The Newly revived Anderson Alumni Association
Did we really cross the line just because we explained the status of union contract negotiations to the public and offered details about the competing proposals? —Springboro Ohio School Board Members
Some people believe our new “Common Core” curriculum is something out of George Orwell’s “1984.” — Conservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin
Wait till next year. —Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather
After working on my taxes all weekend, I now have 1040 more reasons to hate the government. —Ken CamBoo
Liberals seem a lot more upset about what was being we said about moonbat DemocRAT Ashley Judd at my campaign headquarters than the fact that the information was obtained illegally. —Kentucky Senator Bitch McConnell
Does anybody remember when all my staffers had to work until midnight at my H&R Doofus offices to help all my constituents get their taxes done? —Goof Doofus
Most people don’t have to keep their tax records for more than three years, but if we suspect you’re a tax cheat, we’ll make you produce every document from the day you were born. —Your Friends at the IRS
Please don’t forget to pay your taxes next Monday. 21 million illegal immigrants (undocumented future DemocRATS) are depending on you. —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose

We have a YouTube video showing a military readiness center that has apparently just popped up off Conrad Lane in Burlington, Kentucky. The footage shows some military equipment stored there and the guy states that people in Gallatin County are reporting drone flights. There is obviously something there and The Blower thinks some serious questions are in order.
Until we have a simple flat tax without all that paperwork, over-paid members of Congress should be forced to fill out every one of their constituents’ tax forms for free. —Angry Over-taxed Payers
There should be no withholding. No phony “refunds.” If folks had to write really big checks on TAX DAY, people would actually know how much they’re paying. —Turbo-Taxers on a Rant
It’s a good thing they don’t hold every election on TAX DAY. —Tax-and-Spenders running for re-election
Trish the Dish wants to know exactly when everybody’s taxes are due. —TV 19 News
Sheree Paolello asked says Blondie Whalen was right. Clairol is deductible. —Jack Atherton (Still at Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you missed me)

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower ridicules tax procrastinators to show that not filing your taxes on time is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who didn’t file an extension.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially our Procrastinators

TAX CHEATS HOTLINE

e-mail your dishonest deductions today.

Some less-than-honest items in today’s Blower were sent in by our less-than-honest items subscribers.

Link of the Day

Senator Harry Reid Explains Our Voluntary Tax System

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.