Saturday, April 13, 2013
Capital Punishment? It’s called “Taxes!”
Monday is our dreaded Tax Day and this weekend our local Tea Partiers are ignoring the occasion by NOT having a big feel good rally on Fountain Square to demand a Balanced Budget Amendment. Meanwhile, Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says a lot of Americans still haven’t filed their taxes, but luckily, this year you have until Monday night at midnight to make sure your check is in the mail. Our Quote for Today Committee chose Ronald Reagan’s “The taxpayer – that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” But Hurley the Historian says please don’t make any comparisons between Obama and Lincoln tomorrow, since Lincoln was shot on April 14 in 1865.
Hurley also says on this date in 1997, 21-year-old Tiger Woods won the prestigious Masters Tournament in Augusta, Georgia by a record 12 strokes, and our Quote for Today Committee also chose Will Rogers’ “The Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.”
Let’s face it, the United States is now being run by a cabal of erstwhile community organizers hell-bent on achieving their vision of “social justice” through income redistribution by, as the old 60s radical saying goes, any means necessary.
The Audit
At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said: “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”
“Good question,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.”What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster.”
“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?”
“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and we send them to the IRS office, and about once a year, they send us a complete prick.”
MORE BREAKING NEWS
CROOKS IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says one guy who knows a lot about taxes is Ohio RINO Party Executive Director Matt Borges, who’s in line to become state party chairman on April 26, since Laura Bischoff at the Dayton Daily News is reporting Matt owes a paltry $493,624 in federal taxes and $98,397 in state taxes, according to public documents filed in Franklin County. The Blower is surprised Tea Party Guy Tom Zawistowski who’s supposedly running against Borges has declined to attack on Borges’ tax bill. [READ MORE HERE]- TAX FREEDOM DAY FOLLOW-UP: Was “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup the only U.S. Congressman in the tri-state to figure out April 12 was “Tax Freedom Day in Ohio?” Bronze Star’s e-mail soliciting a non-deductible $12 donation on April 12 was oh so timely.
- THIS IS NOT A JOKE: Is the Anderson Township Republican Club (including Newtown and Mt. Washington) really featuring Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP at its May meeting? Real Republicans say it’s truly amazing that six months after he lead all blue Hamilton County to its worst defeat in history, Alex T has the unmitigated gall to show up in one of the few remaining Red bastions within that county and tell everyone what a GREAT job he’s doing.
- NEITHER IS THIS: Apparently Hamilton County taxpayers will be spending $1 million for new carpeting in Bungals Stadium. Republicans for Higher Taxes endorse this expenditure and say they can’t think of a better way to spend $1 million of over-taxed payer funds.
G-UNCONTROL: Friday’s “massive” rally to support Obama’s unconstitutional gun grab consisted of exactly 20 people. At least 1/3 of those were panhandlers trying to coax change out of the stingy do-gooder liberals in attendance. Judge $usan’s dogs taking a crap on the sidewalk downtown could have attracted a larger, more intelligent crowd.- DISHONEST DEMOCRATS: Those 45 additional cases of DemocRAT Voter Fraud who used local U.S. post office boxes when registering to vote in the November 2012 election were brought to the Board of Elections by Joseph Janus, Jr. of Sycamore Township, who many times has been called “The biggest pain in the ass the Board has ever known” by Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka.
- FRED FROM FAIRFAX says his UPS driver on the east side has been out for six weeks after carpel tunnel surgery and rehab and then on to his second carpel tunnel surgery and another six weeks of rehab (off work for a total of 12 weeks). Anyone else would be given a desk job to sort mail or answer the phone. The USPS mailman in Fairfax is off sick all the time. Maybe the government employee is just sick of delivering mail. He was in the Army for 20 years. He said he hated it but couldn’t find a civilian job so he signed up again. Now the disgruntled postal worker says he can’t wait to retire from this job he also hates. He takes all the sick days he can. If they discontinued Saturday mail deliveries he complains it would be one more day he couldn’t take off. Are unions a great thing or what!
- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says procrastinators really need to take advantage of the weekend to pay their taxes this year, since H&R Doofus is no longer in business and staffers won’t be busy all weekend helping constituents file their tax returns. You used to be able to just bring in all your receipts in a shoe box or a shopping bag, and the Goofster’s aides would give you all the personal attention you deserved, but that was before their boss retired to become a lobbyist.
- NKU SEX SCANDAL UPDATE: Twitter comment:@dberd1011: Dude had a harem ……AD Scott Eaton. Inappropriate and intimate relationships with 4 female NKU employees & student.
FINALLY, at yesterday’s weekly Whistleblower Law Enforcement Seminar, everybody was asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about that story of the former Tennessee city official accused of committing lewd acts while driving at high speeds, where witnesses claimed he put his genitals out of the driver’s side car window and masturbated while driving at high rates of speed. [READ MORE HERE]
Those witnesses said they didn’t know if the guy was coming or going.
But the story on WLWT’s web page did not identify William Blakely’s political party. Imagine that. The Blower’s going out on a limb here, but we should probably all assume the former Mount Carmel, Tennessee Vice-Mayor is a DemocRAT. Had Blakely been a Republican, you’d have seen it included in the headline.
The jury, we understand is insisting on an accurate reenactment, and Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters says if it were his case, he’d put the jury on a bus and have Blakely drive by wagging his weenie several times at 90 miles per hour. Thank goodness for cruise control. Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders says he wishes “Crazy Eric” Deters would be handling the defense.
Kentucky Speedway is even planning a new event— the Viagra 500! Can’t you just imagine the guy taking his victory lap?
Our Good Friend Bobby Leach says he wishes somebody would accuse him of having a dick long enough to hang out of his Chevy truck window while seated behind the steering wheel. “Flaunt it, Bobby, Flaunt it!”
Copycats are encouraged to send their YouTube videos to The Blower to be included in our upcoming “90 MPH Blow Job” E-dition.
REENACTMENT VIDEO CONTEST HOT LINE
e-mail your outrageous videos today.
Some penis wagging items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally penis wagging subscribers, but we could always use a lot more.
Link of the Day
Obama on Gun control Goanimate
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