Special “The Week That Was” E-dition

Sunday, April 7, 2013

The Blower’s Week in Review 

  • image005OUR NUMBER ONE LOCAL STORY THIS WEEK was when Whistleblower War Correspondent Ollie Hackworth said North Korea’s Kim Jung Un had NO military experience whatsoever before Daddy made him a four-star general. This snot-nosed twerp had never accomplished anything in his life that would even come close to military leadership. He hadn’t even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, coached a sports team, or commanded a military platoon. So he is made the “Beloved Leader” of North Korea. Terrific!
  • OUR NUMBER TWO LOCAL STORY THIS WEEK was when one of copy editors remembered that the United States did the same thing. We took an arrogant bastard community organizer, who had never worn a uniform, and made him Commander-in-Chief. A guy, who had never had a real job, worked on a budget, or led anything more than an ACORN demonstration, and we made him our “Beloved Leader” of the United States TWICE !!!
  • AND OUR NUMBER THREE LOCAL STORY THIS WEEK was when Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard said on Friday that the administration wouldn’t be surprised if North Korea followed through on threats to launch a missile.
  •  image009MONDAY in our Annual “Opening Day Hype” E-dition, The Blower asked, “Is it “Next Year” Yet?”

Opening Day isn’t an official holiday on this year’s calendar, but maybe in Cincinnati it should be, because with all that hype, Thursday will probably be one of the most unproductive local work days of the year. Not only that, some doofus is still collecting signatures to persuade the City to making Opening Day an official holiday. With enough signatures a referendum could be put on the ballot this November.

Hurley the Historian says he remembers when Opening Day used to be really important, because the Reds always hosted Major League Baseball’s first game of the season. Now like everything else, MLB’s Opening Day could be imported from China. So much for “America’s Pastime,” baseball fans!

[READ MORE HERE]

  • image010MONDAY in our Annual “Easter Monday” E-dition, The Blower asked if DemocRATS were still blaming Bush for the Death of Jesus and reported about that “Twitter from God”:

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, so we e-mailed God to ask why He doesn’t stop all that teenage violence, especially at schools. And God Twittered back: “Maybe because I’m no longer allowed in schools.”

Remember when Madeline Murray O’Hare complained she didn’t want any prayer in our schools, and we said, OK?

Then, someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible that says “Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbors as yourself,” and we said, OK.

Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, classmates, or even themselves.

Think about it.

        [READ MORE HERE]

  • image012TUESDAY in our Special “Fair Weather Fans” E-dition, The Blower said After all that pre-season hype, does anybody really expect that much from the Reds? and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:

We used to be able to get some really important people like presidents, vice presidents, and governors to throw out the first pitch at our Opening Day games, but lately we’ve had to scrape the bottom of the barrel. We’ve gone from local losers like Mallory and Odd Todd to an over-the-hill recording artist like Nick Lachey, retired Reds broadcasters, police chiefs, and sheriffs, to Joe Torre, losing manager of Team USA in the 2013 World Baseball Classic. —Señor Bob Castellini

The Reds promised they were saving me to throw out the ceremonial first pitch on Gay Night. —Rob “Fighting for “Flutterballs” Portman

Wouldn’t it be funny if politicians were not permitted to have entries in our Opening Day Parade and some of them walked anyway without being registered or paying the fees? —Findlay Market Parade Committee  

What a great place to get signatures to allow the people of Cincinnati to stop the Parking Plot. —Parking Petitioners          

[READ MORE HERE]

  • WEDNESDAY in our Special “Tax Freedom Day Update” E-dition, The Blower said it was still more than two weeks away.

The First 108 Days Are the Hardest

image015YESTERDAY AT THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane which was his “Favorite Day” in April. “There are so many to choose from,” Kane explained. “So it would be hard to pick a favorite.” But the day we plan to celebrate this year, and so would all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span voters who voted for Obama last November is “Tax Freedom Day.” That’s the date our friends at the Tax Foundation say the average US over-taxed payer has worked long enough to pay all of his federal, state, and local taxes for the year.

Tax Freedom Day 2013 arrives on April 18 this year. Coincidentally, that’s three days after your 2012 taxes are due. Still, that’s five days later than last year, due mainly to the so-called “Fiscal Cliff” deal that raised federal taxes on individual income and payroll. Obamacare’s investment tax and excise tax also went into effect. Finally, despite these tax increases, the economy is expected to continue its slow recovery, boosting profits, incomes, and tax revenues.

That means you’ll need more than three months of your hard-earned wages just to pay your taxes this year. Americans will spend an average of 29.4% of their income on federal, state, and local taxes in 2013. That’s more than the average family spends on food, clothing, and housing.

In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Ohio over-taxed payers will work until April 12 (ranked #28 nationally) to pay their total tax bills, but Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Tax Freedom Day will arrive even earlier on April 6 (ranked #40 nationally), because as everybody knows, your state and local taxes are lower in Kentucky.

[READ MORE HERE]

  • THURSDAY, in our Special “Same Time Last Year”  E-dition, The Blower said, “Those Were the Good Old Days!”

What a Difference a Year Made

 

          image016BYE, BYE, DEWHINE: Think of how much things have changed since last year on the first Thursday in April when Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders needed to publish a special edition to report Ohio RINO Party Boss Kevin DeWhine had finally taken the hint and announced his resignation, instead of being thrown out on his ass at the upcoming Friday the 13th meeting of the state party central committee. Award-winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception was glad DeWhiner decided to take the high road.  

image018Former Ohio GOP Chairman Boob Bennett, then-73, was poised to come out of retirement to lead the party, at least on an “interim” basis. That “interim” is almost over, and along with Ohio’s remaining a Blue State when Obama won re-election in 2012, it has now been more than a year, and Boob’s hand-picked replacement Matt Borges is facing a whole lot of conservative backlash, not to mention Ohio Tea Party Guy Tom Zawistowski is also seeking the job. Did Boob ever unite the party or what?

          [READ MORE HERE] 

  • FRIDAY in our Special “Over-Taxed Payers’ Angst” E-dition, The Blower said, “Taxation with representation isn’t so great either!” 

We’re Probably Not Going to Have a Complete Friday E-dition Today

image019Thursday morning everybody was getting ready to watch the Reds’ early afternoon game on their computers at work, so Charles Foster Kane went to have his taxes done early Thursday morning, just so he could find out how much of his hard-earned money would be confiscated by the IRS on April 15 so Obama and our Crooks in Congress could just piss it away.

Unfortunately, our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher hasn’t been heard from since, although somebody did say they saw him at a bribe lunch with an elected official at J. Alexander’s at The Rookwood. The Blower is still waiting on confirmation on that report, especially since everybody knows how low a profile the Voice of the Conservative Agenda usually keeps whenever he ventures out in public.

We hope when he finally returns, he’ll be calmed down enough after hearing about his taxes and that elected official’s plans for public spending so we can at least put out our regular E-dition on Saturday.

                                                                                             The Whistleblower Staff  

[READ MORE HERE]

  • SATURDAY in our Special “Tax Freedom Day in Kentucky” E-dition, The Blower said, “Free at last, Free at last!”

image021Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says today is Tax Freedom Day in Kentucky. According to our friends at The Tax Foundation, today’s the day in CamBooLand each year you stop working exclusively for the government, because every dollar you’ve earned so far this year will have theoretically gone to pay all of your federal, state, and local taxes for 2018. Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Franklin P. Adams’ “Count the day won when, turning on its axis, this earth imposes no additional taxes.”

The CamBoozler says Tax Freedom day comes to Kentucky nearly two weeks before “Tax Day” in America on April 18 and almost a full week before April 12, when over-taxed payers on the North Shore can begin working for themselves, since everybody knows state and local taxes are lower in Kentucky. Maybe that explains why so many folks besides Bungals bad boys and over-sexed MILFs prefer living in Kentucky, the land of fast women and beautiful horses. That’s why Our Beloved Publisher Charles Foster Kane remembers that time he had lunch at the Wok with Miss Vicki and Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie Whalen. 

[READ MORE HERE]  

IT’S COLLECTION TIME 

image024This weekend, your Neighborhood Whistleblower News Boy or Girl will be stopping by to collect $3.50 for delivery of this month’s Blower. The children retain half of this amount plus any tips you give them to reward good service. This month we’re featuring nine-year-old Louis “Porky” Dorkman, an adorable little 288-lb. illegitimate waif, whose mother still hasn’t found a job after she lost her job at the Hamilton County Auditor’s Office just in time for Thanksgiving. For information about our carrier program, please call Mr. Scamwell at our circulation department.

More Politics Unusual

  • OBAMA’S NCAA 2013 TOURNAMENT BRACKETS: Three of the four teams Obama picked to reach this weekend’s NCAA Final Four Basketball Tournament were knocked out (Florida, Indiana, and Ohio State). But if you think that’s embarrassing, you should’ve seen Obama’s going 2-for-22 while taking basketball shots during Monday’s White House Easter Egg Roll. ESPN called it Obama’s most embarrassing moment of his presidency.
  • OBAMA QUIP SPARKS HISTORIC DIALOG: According to Scrappleface, Obama’s recently-revealed opinion that California’s Kamala Harris is the “best-looking attorney general” has sparked an “important and long-avoided national dialogue that history will view as a great advance for women’s rights,” according to a White House spokesman. The incident is reminiscent of how the president used the ‘bully pulpit’ to start national conversations on race, and on homosexual marriage. [READ MORE HERE]
  • MORE WHITE HOUSE HYPOCRISY: Obama claims he’ll be giving up 5% of his $400,000 salary because of Sequester Cuts. To put things in perspective, Weasel Zippers says the check Obama will cut would cover the costs of Air Force One for about six-and-a-half minutes as he needlessly flies around the country on his endless campaign.
  • DUMBED-DOWN DEMOCRATS: Tuesday, Diana DeGette mocked a concerned pro-gun senior citizen when he expressed his fears regarding how gun control will affect his ability to defend himself. The Colorado DemocRAT Congresswoman told the elderly gentleman concerned about Colorado’s snatching of his guns and magazines that he really needn’t worry about being assaulted since he’ll probably be dead by the time the police get there anyway.
  • MEDIA MENDACITY: On HBO’s “Real Time Friday,” host Bill Maher actually compared Re[ublican Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell to Newtown, Connecticut, mass murderer Adam Lanza. No wonder all those mass murderers are upset.
  • OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “The Associated Press, the largest newsgathering outlet in the world, will no longer use the term ‘illegal immigrant.’ That is out. They will now use the phrase ‘undocumented DemocRAT.’”
  • UNION BLUES: The Wall Street Journal has a solid piece on how unions are beginning to realize that Obamacare — which they backed — will likely prompt many employers to drop health care coverage, letting the federal government take up the slack. That will limit the ability of unions to negotiate with employers for benefits in coverage — one of the main benefits of being in a union. As one labor official notes in the story: “If we’re not offering our members insurance and pension, why would you want to be union?”
  • TEA PARTY PRINCIPLES: The biggest problem for Liberals trying to handle the Tea Party these days is that Americans favor Tea Party principles over progressive ideas by 2-to-1 margin.
  • THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen reports 50% say doing taxes is worse than going to the dentist. The other 50% are waiting for their gums to come out.
  • HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 33 AD the first baseball game was played between the Bethlehem Braves and the Jerusalem Giants with Harry Carey doing the play by play. Eat your hearts out, Brennamans!

Obama’s Economy

  • image027OBAMANOMICS 101: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama is heading into the third month of his second term still unable to find a cure for a sluggish economy, weak employment numbers, and his own slipping job approval scores. Maybe “Obamanomics” is just a synonym for failure,
  • WALL STREET WEAK: Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says according to Reuters, the stock market’s robust rally was slowing even before Friday’s jobs report, but the red flag sent up by the weak payrolls data makes the path to more gains less secure.
  • ROMNEYDAMUS WAS RIGHT: A record-breaking 47.8 million Americans are now on food stamps, an increase of about 1.3 million from a year earlier. The official unemployment rate is 7.7 percent, a number that obscures the reality that millions of Americans who have given up looking for work aren’t counted, and that the labor force participation rate of 63.6 % measured in December 2012, is the lowest in 32 years. The national debt is $16.7 trillion and growing. White House tours have been cancelled due to sequestration. And amidst it all, Barack Obama and his family have taken four lavish vacations in three months.

More Unresolved Issues

  • image028ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION: GOP Congressman Jason Chaffetz observed the Arizona Border with Mexico: There was no fence, but there were stairs and handrails to make it easier to walk across the border.
  • G-UNCONTROL: Charles Krauthammer stunned the Fox News panel into silence when he said Obama had already lost on gun control, and all he wants to do now is to fly around the country an over-taxed payer expense raising money on the issue.
  • RACIAL HEALING: “Philadelphia” magazine created quite a controversy last month when it published a cover story by Bob Huber on white residents of that city and their views on race. Black Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter responded to the piece by requesting an investigation of the magazine by the Philadelphia Commission on Human Relations. The Washington Examiner says he could hardly do more harm to the First Amendment or to the cause of racial harmony.
  • GAY NEWS UPDATE: Arizona Republican Congressman Matt Salmon has a gay son just like Rob “Fighting for Fisting” Portman, but amazingly, he still opposes same-sex marriage.
  • EDJUMACATION: Sarcastic Sid says we need to invest more in college education so that college graduates can get jobs that don’t require college degrees while paying off piles of student debt for an unnecessary college degree.

Buckeye Blues

  • image030OHIO JOBS: Ohio RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett says “What exactly was the Obama doing in the last month to create jobs as the economy sputters? Thanks to Republicans, Ohio’s economy is finally moving forward, but more headwinds from Washington could stall Ohio’s growth. The DemocRATS jobs plan of structuring an out of balance budget that adds to our debt is like trying to fill a bathtub with the drain open.

“Each Ohioan’s share of the national debt now exceeds $54,400 and it’s time for the DemocRATS to acknowledge that our out of control debt is hindering job creation. It’s clear the President and his fellow Democrats are just out-of-touch.”

  • SODOMY RITES UPDATE: Would you look at who got his name in Thursday’s NY Times Doubts and Downloads story: Neanderthal porn and gay-sex-obsessed Phil Burr-Ass may have finally done it. Commenting on Senator Rob “Fighting for My Son’s Right to Same-Sex Blowjobs” Portman’s recent support of gay marriage, the CCV president vowed to oppose Portman’s re-election “tooth and nail.” Maybe the newly-energized gay-rights folks should look into CCV’s misuse of its tax-exempt status to support or oppose political candidates.
  • STAYING AWAY: Governor Kasich Taylor was touting his KasichCare expansion in Lake County on Wednesday night. He could hardly get much further away from Cincinnati than that place.
  • DEMOCRAT CANNON FODDER: Republican John Boehner has been in Congress since 1991, and hasn’t received less than 63 % of the Ohio 8th district’s vote since 1996. 2014 will be a great time for Dysfunctional DemocRATS to challenge the Speaker of the House with an unknown steelworker from Middletown.
  • VOTER FRAUD IN OHIO: There was no voter fraud in Ohio last week, mainly because there were no elections.

Legal Updates

  • image033LOCAL LEGAL UPDATE: This week was definitely not a good time for Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Disbarred in Kentucky Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley. The usually-fawning Fishwrap called for him to resign or be kicked off the UC Board of Trustees, and for his part-time employee Hamilton County Prosecutor “Jaywalking Joe” Deters to sever all ties with him due to $tan’s likely career-ending disbarment by the Kentucky Supreme Court.

But why should a little thing like disbarment slow down Chesley? Life is pretty good as a billionaire. No client looking at his website would know one peep about the disbarment or the rats trying to escape the sinking ship. Heck, they wouldn’t even know that the number 2 person in the office has been dead since August. She’s still up on the website. $tan’s practice doesn’t let the little inconveniences of disbarment or even death prevent him from trying to trying to screw even more victims out of attorneys fees.

‘Round Town

  • image036CROW ALA ROUGE: How pissed off was Cincinnati Girly Mayor Mark Mallory when Parking Plot Protesters turned in petitions with 19,803 signatures when they only needed 8,729 valid signatures to get their issue on the ballot? According to Mallory and Squealback, Crow tastes just like Coq.

Still unknown is the amount of the legal bill Dinsmore sent the Cincinnati City Solicitor’s office for having George Vincent and Hamilton County Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP among that armada of 11 attorneys to do battle with protestors’ attorney Curt Hartman in Judge Winkler’s Courtroom.

  • image037HAMILTON COUNTY RINOS: Last year at this time, Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP said he was honored to receive the “near-unanimous support” of our County Central Committee to serve another term as your County Party Chairman.
  • MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Einstein’s famous quote about insanity.
  • MICKEY’S MODIS OPERANDI: From Florida, our good friend Frank Weikel wanted to know if it was true that our Good Friend Mickey Esposito was going to throw out the first pitch at today’s Reds game, but the game was delayed because all the balls were missing?
  • image042INDULGE YOUR MEAT TOOTH: Was that story about Procter & Gamble launching a bacon-flavored version of Scope mouthwash a hoax? Besides this print ad in USA Today, they also have this video. But maybe bacon flavored mouthwash isn’t such a crazy idea. We already have bacon-flavored condoms. No Kidding!
  • SEEN AT FINDLAY MARKET: Foxy Roxy wasn’t on the campaign trail on Saturday, but one of her “volunteers” was there, getting turned down by people refusing to sign petitions to get our Streetcar-loving, Parking Plotter on the ballot. Also seen was Jim Berns, and his supporter Andre, who seemed to be all in favor of our Loony Libertarian Mayoral Candidate’s promise to distribute free marijuana if he’s elected.

image043

  • HOW ABOUT THEM REDS?: Typical Reds Fan Farley Fairweather says watching Mike Leake sitting in the Reds dugout during the Reds’ 15-0 walloping win Friday night, do you think Dusty’s Saturday afternoon pitcher was wishing his teammates would save some of those home runs for his game?

image045

 Sex on the South Shore

  • image048NKU SEX SCANDAL: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says now we know why former NKU Athletic Director Scott Eaton hasn’t been seen lately. NKU President Goeff Mearns fired Eaton’s ass for boinking the babes on campus. Four of the floozies were NKU employees, two of which were working under him, if you know what we mean. One of Eaton’s students was also involved.

More Political Insight Today

  • image049FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: Metro Mole says The Fishwrap has really changed its tune on $tan Che$ley these days, demanding that our Greedy Hearse Chaser resign from the UC Board and give up the part-time services of Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters at Cincinnati Legal. The Blower remembers all those time Skaggie Maggie’s Idiotorial Board was in cahoots with Che$ley every time it became necessary to provide a last-minute hit piece on one of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s primary opponents.
  • GOING GALT: Don’t do business with DemocRATS.
  • LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #95 says you should invite all your Liberal friends to a Tax Freedom Day party. Remind them that this is the first day of the year in which the money they work for goes into their own pockets rather than into Big Government’s gaping, insatiable maw. In 2013 Tax Freedom Day falls on April 18. In 1900 it fell on January 22.
  • image051NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES: Just in time to wade in on the latest Cincinnati City Clown-cil debates, we found this in his “Clown of Clowns,” sold in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.

“Four More Years”
City Clown-cil got a longer term
They increased the years to four.
More time to sit and dither
And make their asses sore.

  • image054FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what to expect from the Reds this year after all that hype that fueled our hope for renewal soon vanished after Monday’s disastrous season opener. Our Quote for Today Committee had chosen Bob Feller’s “Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday’s success or put its failures behind and start over again. That’s the way life is, with a new game every day, and that’s the way baseball is.” But Kane was no nearly so optimistic. “Well, so much for 2013,” he said. “Maybe 2014 will be better.”
  • image055AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:

Monday we’ll be getting ready for “Tax Day,” although it’ll still be a week away and we’ll still be counting down the 1,383 days until Obama’s “historic” Third Term begins.

Tuesday will be our “Death or Taxes” E-dition and The Blower will be trying to help people make a choice, and “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will probably be some of the most anti-tax you’ll ever see.

Wednesday we’ll be stirring up trouble during the middle of the week, you can be sure of that.

Thursday we’ll be getting ready for Friday’s big Tax Freedom Day Rally.

And the first line of Friday’s limerick is: “The Best Part About Paying Your Taxes.”

WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE

e-mail your revolutionary recaps today

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Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.

Link of the Day

Jay Leno’s First Stand-up Appearance on “The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson”

image060Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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