Thursday, April 4, 2013
What a Difference a Year Made
BYE, BYE, DEWHINE: Think of how much things have changed since last year on the first Thursday in April when Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders needed to publish a special edition to report Ohio RINO Party Boss Kevin DeWhine had finally taken the hint and announced his resignation, instead of being thrown out on his ass at the upcoming Friday the 13th meeting of the state party central committee. Award-winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception was glad DeWhiner decided to take the high road.
Former Ohio GOP Chairman Boob Bennett, then-73, was poised to come out of retirement to lead the party, at least on an “interim” basis. That “interim” is almost over, and along with Ohio’s remaining a Blue State when Obama won re-election in 2012, it has now been more than a year, and Boob’s hand-picked replacement Matt Borges is facing a whole lot of conservative backlash, not to mention Ohio Tea Party Guy Tom Zawistowski is also seeking the job. Did Boob ever unite the party or what?
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ALSO LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME, Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP said he was honored to receive the “near-unanimous support” of our County Central Committee to serve another term as your County Party Chairman. OK, everybody—what was it Einstein always said about “Insanity?”
Back then, there were only 214 more days until the November election, and Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus said according to our Official CNN GOP Delegate Counter, the only candidate who gained any delegates at all Tuesday night was Mitt Romney. He then had 640 of the 1,144 delegates he needed for the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination in Tampa. Rick Santorum (still with 264) said he might have enough delegates by 2016. And Newt Gingrich (still looking for his 136th delegate) needed to change his campaign logo.
In Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo reported Fourth District Congressman Goof Doofus had called for Republican congressional candidate Thomas Massie to pull his first campaign television ad because it used one of Davis’ floor speeches without his permission. What was that all about? Most of Goof’s constituents were happy to have proof The Goofster actually had something intelligent enough to say while he was in Congress.
PARKING PLOT PROTEST: Today’s the big day when our Parking Plot Protesters file their petitions at the Hamilton County Board of Elections, and Loony Libertarian Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns says he’s hoping to win the prize for turning in the most invalid signatures. Everybody’s wondering if they’ll have enough good ones. Why do they need so many extra signatures anyway? Don’t people who sign petitions under pain of perjury know where they live? “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman explains, “The petition signers are the same Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span voters who voted for Obama last November, and we know how stupid they were.”
And how about that guy Girly Mayor Mark Mallory dragged in off the street for Tuesday’s pathetic press conference? According to Channel 9 “Substantially True” News, the only citizen allowed to speak was David Meredith, who gave witness to his feelings about the parking plan. Meredith claimed he was drunk when he signed the petition, but now he regrets it, and never once did you see Mallory’s lips move.
Brinkman wonders if this is the same David Meredith who lists the Drop In Center as his home address. He only voted in one election and that was November 2012. The Blower may be going out on the limb here, but we say that this shill probably voted for Obama.
Word is, he’s has been divorced twice, sued for non-payment of child support, and arrested and prosecuted on a dozen occasions, including for the destruction of a Board of Election voting machine. It is fitting that he spoke up, since he and Mallory both apparently like to deny people access to voting.
Was Meredith also drunk all three times he voted? Hey, “Jaywalking Joe” —here’s someone else to investigate.
And what was it SMLP Smithermouth told WLW’s Lisa Wells about the size of the legal bill Dinsmore sent the Cincinnati City Solicitor’s office for having George Vincent and Hamilton County Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP among that armada of 11 attorneys to do battle with protestors’ attorney Curt Hartman in Judge Winkler’s Courtroom? How much was that invoice anyway? Over-Taxed Payers want to know. So does Curt, since he’s batting 1.000, and he intends to double Dinsmore’s bill when he asks Judge Winkler to order the City to pay his fees.
We’re still waiting for word about how Laure’ “Not So” Cleanlivin’ paid those 30 parking tickets her husband’s car earned during the past two years —certainly not from her campaign account.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS UPDATE: The Dissociated Press announced Tuesday that it will no longer use the term “illegal immigrant” and Tuesday night on NBC’s Tonight Show, host Jay Leno said, “They will now use the phrase ‘Undocumented DemocRAT.’”- HOW ABOUT THEM REDS: Typical Reds Fan Farley Fairweather wondered if Reds fans realized that the team was on a four-game losing streak (the last three games of the 2012 playoffs, and the 2013 Opening Day), would we hear any chants before Wednesday night’s game to fire Dusty Baker, who claimed “Nobody will remember who came in dead last in the 2013 Cactus League.”
- FINALLY, AFTER LAST NIGHT’S SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane what to expect from the Reds this year after all that hype that fueled our hope for renewal soon vanished after Monday’s disastrous season opener. Our Quote for Today Committee had chosen Bob Feller’s “Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday’s success or put its failures behind and start over again. That’s the way life is, with a new game every day, and that’s the way baseball is.” But Kane was no nearly so optimistic. “Well, so much for 2013,” he said. “Maybe 2014 will be better.”
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Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our April fund-raising drive by Joey Votto’s Agent, for all the publicity The Blower will be giving Joey every time he gets paid $45,000 for each time he comes to bat and strikes out with the bases loaded.
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