Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Sorry we couldn’t find any “Honest Elected Officials” for yesterday’s “Honesty Day Edition.” —Whistleblower Researchers
It would’ve been easy to make jokes about Obama at Saturday Night’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, if only I had told the truth. —Conan O’Brien
That’s why we chose Will Rogers, “I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Obama even joked about his plans for a radical second-term evolution from “strapping young Socialist” to retiree golfer, all with a new hairstyle like first lady Michelle’s Saturday night at the 2013 White House Correspondents Dinner. How’s that for being honest? —Obama Supporters in the Press
That’s why I said “I never lie.” —White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
How honest was I when I admitted total ignorance about my Health Care Mandate’s legal issues? —John Gilligan’s Ditzy Daughter Kathleen Sebelius, doing a wonderful job as Obama Secretary of Health and Human Services overseeing Obamacare

How honest was my new “American Ideal” commercial? —Bitch McConnell
I finally have to tell the truth. I got a “D” at Harvard in Environmental Studies.—Al Gore
If even one of our elected officials actually told the truth today, that would really be “historic.” —Hurley the Historian
Were we just trying to be honest when we elected Tax Scofflaw Matt Borges to be our new Party Boss, but wouldn’t affirm the National Republican Party platform because it would be “too controversial?” —Ohio Republican Party
Was I just trying to be honest when I criticized Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka for endorsing incompetent black DemocRAT women like Juvenile Court Judge Tracie Hunter, attorney Janaya Trotter who last year unsuccessfully challenged Republican Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters, and new Cincinnati City Councilwoman Pamula Thomas? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
How much honesty do you think you heard at Monday night’s update from the city administration regarding the Girly Mayor Mark Mallory’s stupid streetcar? —Trolley Bashers
Would I be honest if I admitted I had no intention of debating Disguised DemocRAT John Cranley and especially Loony Libertarian Jim Berns in Cincinnati’s Mayoral Race this year? —Foxy Roxy
Would I be honest if I admitted I wanted to put my “Gay Seal of Approval” on everything that happens in the City of Cincinnati? —Cincinnati Gay Party Clown-cilman Chris Squealback
If I showed up at Wednesday’s Anderson Republican Club meeting, would voters expect me to be honest about why I haven’t kept my promise to help them get rid of Disgraceful Township Trustees like Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien? —$tate Rep-tile for $ale Peter $tautberg
It took me twice as long to mow my lawn at my home in Mt. Lookout this week because all my neighbors kept stopping me to ask me when I moved to Washington. — Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup
Would we be honest if we didn’t even raise the possibility of illegal campaigning at the Forrest Gump School District to get people to the polls to pass their Stealth Tax Hike on May 7? —The So-Called Anti-Taxers at COAST
How come The Blower that today is also “Hairstyle Appreciation Day,” which allows each of us to express his special individuality? —Steve Chabothead
It’s also “Save the Rhino Day,” but we have our own sort of celebration in mind. —RINO Hunters of America
Not only has Obama held more re-election fundraisers than the previous five Presidents combined as he visits key swing states on his permanent campaign, but he’s done it all at our expense.
The Fishwrap keeps asking if SMLP Smithermouth has a too much influence, or just a lot of noise. —Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception

If you think honest politicians are hard to find in Ohio, you should try it in Kentucky. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
I’m wondering about all those Republicans who were running r for my Seat in Congress in last year’s “Honesty Day E-dition?” —Goof Doofus
An honest politician is somebody with no over-taxed payers’ money to toss around. —Northern Kentucky Tea Partiers
Every week, we feature quite a few dishonest people in my “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” newsletter. —Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
Everybody at my place claims he’s honest. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
You can’t cheat an honest man. —W.C. Fields
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. —Groucho Marx
Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it. —Mark Twain
How come when you get to be a famous author like me, you don’t automatically get your quotes in The Blower? —Rick “The BatBoy Robinson
I really surprised The Blower couldn’t find a way to work my name into Monday’s “Honesty Day E-dition.” —Eric “Call Me Crazy,” Deters
Please don’t remind people that the Kentucky Bar Association questioned my honesty. —$tan Che$ley
Please ask Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball what he thinks of our chances this year. —Florence Freedom Fans, Waiting for the Regular Season to Kick-Start on Opening Night, Thursday, May 16
Some anchorbimbos I’ve written about even wonder if “Honesty” includes cheating on your spouse. —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then “Honesty” is next to impossible. —TV19’s Trish the Dish
Adulterous Anchorbabery used to be the most popular perk at our station. —TV5 News

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower questions a person’s motives to show that dishonesty of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an elected official.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially philandering politicians.

DISHONEST POLITICIANS HOTLINE

e-mail your egregious examples today.

Some cynically critical items in today’s Blower were sent in by our really cynically critical subscribers.

Link of the Day

Liar Liar: And the Truth Shall Set You Free!

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.