Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers 

• In Washington, everybody’s talking about that so-called plan to agree on a set of principles for Comprehensive Immigration Deform announced by a bipartisan gang of eight senators on Monday, a day before Obama was scheduled to reveal his own immigration proposals in a speech in Las Vegas. —DC Newsbreaker
• If we say we support letting all those illegal immigrants stay in the country, will Wetbacks vote for us next time? —Recovering Republicans, Chanting Their New “Renew, Grow, and Win” Slogan to Re-Invent the GOP
• Sunday we interviewed one of that group’s members (Disgraceful DemocRAT Robert Menendez) for six minutes on “This Week,” and didn’t ask him a single question about the FBI’s investigation into his paying for sex with underage Dominican prostitutes. —ABC News
• That’s why we chose Ronald Reagan’s “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
• We support 11 million more registered DemocATS. —Other Disingenuous DemocRATS in the Group Like Charles Schumer and Dick Durbin
• Please don’t ask about the details of our plan. —Republican Senators John McRINO and Lindsey Graham
• I’m still apologizing for my failed Fiscal Cliff Strategy. —GOP House Speaker John Boehner
• Will this mean we’ll get more free stuff? —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose
• Should I start building a bigger jail? —Butler County, Sheriff Richard Jones
• Can anybody name a single problem Congress has ever fixed? —Sidney Cynic
• This should work even better than Congress’ efforts to control taxes and spending. —Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus
• They call it Immigration REFORM, so that automatically means they’re making it better, right? — Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Voters
• Did you notice Obama had Billary on Sunday’s “60 Minutes” as his new sidekick? It looked like “The Return of Buckwheat and Darla.” Can you say “Billary in 2016?” That along with the new citizenship loop holes for immigrants almost guarantees a greater majority of non-tax paying voters. Romneydamas was right about that 47% but he was low on the percentage. Go Figure!!! — Outraged Over-Taxed Payer Tino Delgato
• Wasn’t it ironic when we issued a joint statement from the Republican National Committee’s annual Winter Conference congratulating Failed RNC Chairman Reince Priebus on his re-election. —Ohio RINO Party Chairman Boob Bennett and Vice Chair Jo Ann Davidson
• Did National NAALCP President Benjamin Jealous really admit Obama’s job numbers for African-Americans are below where they were before Obama took office? —Local NAALCP President SMLP Chris Smithermouth
• Which very well liked UC professor was attacked by a band of marauding yoofs downtown, knocked to the ground, and lost two teeth last weekend? —The Downtown Clown-cil
• Will I be Cincinnati’s only Mayoral Candidate packing heat after I complete my Concealed Carry Class on Saturday? —Loony Libertarian Jim Berns

• Two years ago on this date The Blower published a rare special e-dition to proclaim “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman had officially announced his “No More Drive-By Appraisals Campaign” against that Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Obama-loving Hamilton County Auditor (who had for the past 427 years been permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street). So how come Disingenuous is still in office to remind everybody their jacked-up property taxes are still due on Thursday? —Hurley the Historian
• We strongly approve of the Colerain Township property tax increase that its Trustees informed residents about at the last minute. — Republicans for Higher Taxes
• If the Groundhog sees his shadow on Saturday, Northern Kentucky school children will be hoping for at least six snow days this year. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
• If Obama sees his shadow on Saturday, does that mean we’ll have six more years of failed leadership? —Punxsutawney Phil
• How about six more casinos? —Governor Steve Be-Sheared
• I’ll be six more weeks of lobbying Congress for me. —Goof Doofus
• Will it be six more of my frivolous lawsuits for over-sexed female high school teachers looking for turgid teenage boys to have sex with? —Eric ‘Call Me Crazy, Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator’ Deters
• We’re hoping for six more helpings of Groundhog Stew when we get together today with Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane for our annual Weight Gainers Groundhog Brunch at Beaver’s. —Clueless Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
• We’ll just have our guests eat baloney sandwiches for six more weeks. —Terry “the Smilin Jailer” Carl
• In just about six more weeks, it’ll be time to get drunk on Saint Patrick’s Day. —Mainstrasse Bars
• You still have a little more than six more weeks to wait for BB&BJ Day. —Bobby Leach
• Remember when Fat Pat Barry dressed up like a groundhog? —“Trish the Dish,” TV 19 News
• Most people think I’m wearing a Groundhog on my head. —Jack Atherton, (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you wanted to knit me a head warmer)

—Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of the news media to show that endless weather hype will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Rodent Meteorologist.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially Fat Pat Barry dressed up in a Groundhog Suit.

PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL HOT LINE

e-mail your fearless forecasts today.

Some Groundhog-loving items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Groundhog-loving subscribers.

Link of the Day

Groundhog Day – The Reckoning

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