One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Thursday, January 24, 2012
At Least Hillary Didn’t Blame George Bush (By Name)
- TALE OF TWO TWATS: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Hillary Clinton ended her term asObama’s Failed Secretary of State when she actually testified about the Obama Administration’s Bungle in Benghazi before the 2012 election. Hillary shouted “What difference does it make why four Americans were killed in Benghazi?”
Obviously, none, since even if the details had been known, all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Supporters are already counting down the 1458 days until Obama’s Third Term. Still, it was fun watching Kentucky Senator Rand Paul telling “the smartest woman in America” he would’ve fired her incompetent ass if he’d been president.
Meanwhile in Washington, our DC Newsbreaker says everybody was still talking about how Hillary’s husband, our disgraced former Pants-Dropper-in-Chief was checking out singer Kelly Clarkson’s ass during Obama’s totally meaningless yet abundantly expensive Second Presidential Inauguration. Photoshop Photospoofer Edward Cropper has those pictures for us.
OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “On the news they made a big deal out of the fact that four years ago there were twice as many people at President Obama’s first inauguration than there was at this one. That’s because four years ago, twice as many people could afford to stay in hotels. Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn’t tell a lie.”- INAUGURATION LIMERICK: Who knew Kentucky Rifle Association Spokesman Billy Bob Carbine was a limerick writer? Check this one out.
There once was a man named Barack,
Whose re-election came as a shock,
He raised taxes I pay,
And then turned marriage gay,
And now he’s coming after my glock.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1848, a millwright named James Marshall stared all that expansion in the American West when discovered gold along the banks of Sutter’s Creek in California, but today the Obama Administration would never give you a permit to dig.
- BOEHNER’S BUNGLERS: Yesterday while everybody was watching Hillary go Bonkers Over Benghazi, The Blower was watching House Republicans give Obama the authority to spend another trillion dollars that we don’t have TODAY, in exchange for a phony promise from Harry Reid that he’ll relinquish his pay WHEN he doesn’t keep his word to propose a fiscally sane budget THREE MONTHS FROM NOW. What could possibly go wrong with that?
ROMNEYDAMUS: At yesterday’s meeting of our Romney Supporters Anonymous in Goshen, somebody asked if former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney wasn’t the modern-day Nostradamus, since all those things he predicted during the 2012 Presidential Campaign (that all those Obama Supporters in the Press covered up) are now coming true.- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders reports DemocRAT former State Rep-tile Clayton Luckie is now doing the perp walk and heading to prison for up to three years and must repay the state nearly $12,000 for improperly spending about $130,000 in campaign funds, then falsifying documents to cover up his actions. Republican State Rep-tile Peter Beck from McMason has only been accused of participating in a fraud that cheated investors out of more than $1.2 million and contributing all that money to fellow Republican Peter Stautberg’s campaign.
- MEDIA MANIPULATION: In order to suck up to the media and get a big headline, “Foxy Roxy” Qualls visited The Fishwrap’s idiotorial board and announced that the Carew Tower was slated for condos. After being stung by Manti Te’o, The Fishwrap broke its long precedent and did and actually did some fact checking to find out that the owners of the Carew Tower had absolutely no intention to put rental units in their building, and they had never discussed any such thing with “Foxy Roxy” or anyone else. Foxy Roxy replied that she and her friends thought it was a good idea and “they” discussed it, so she was not really lying. And you thought the Culture of Obama had not yet arrived in the Queen City.
- INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST FEARLESS FERRETT says more information is coming in about that woman with six felonies in Ohio who’s been active in Hamilton County RINO Party politics for several years, especially the part about once being prosecuted by another official whose name you would also surely know.
COUNTDOWN TO TAX DAY: Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering says you’ve been ignoring your “Jacked Up Tax Bill” for more than two weeks, but you still have until midnight on January 31 to get the money in, or our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor will publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats.- SPEAKING OF TAX HIKES: Thane Maynard says the Cincinnati Zoophilia Society needs to raise your taxes again and real anti-taxers are wondering if he’ll be recalling when Ed Maruska threatened to kill all the elephants if we did not give him a Zoo tax increase.
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SHERIFF: Jim Neil held a big I-275 car wreck press conference to get some local face time on TV. Imagine how much national recognition our new Hamilton County Sheriff might get if he joined other patriotic American sheriffs refusing to enforce Obama’s unconstitutional gun control laws. Almost as much as he’ll get the day his deputies conduct that “Penis Lineup” in Anderson Township.
CAMPAIGN KICKOFF: Amy Murray officially announced her campaign to climb back on Cincinnati City Clown-cil at Price Hill Chili on Wednesday night. And you thought Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP hadn’t found anybody to run. Meanwhile, Loony Libertarian Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns sat alone at Skyline eating a three way.
AFFIRMATIVE ACTION UPDATE: The Fishwrap went gaga over Obama’s choice of Todd Jones to run the scandal plagued ATF Bureau. And isn’t it funny that Obama’s latest affirmative action law enforcement appointee is a 1975 graduate from Wyoming High School? With over 15% of that school’s 2011 class already getting themselves arrested in their adult lives, perhaps this individual could swing back home and teach these rich white snots how to obey the law. Then again, since his new job is running the ATF, he’ll first need to remind his own department’s scandal plagued employees of their duty to follow the law.- COMING ATTRACTIONS: Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says Major League Baseball’s All Star Game will be played in Mediocre American Ballpark in Cincinnati in 2015, but only if the street car is finished by then, and Flummoxed Fishwrapper Cliff Radel (who claims he tells stories about his home town that provoke, entertain, enlighten, inform and inspire readers) says “Cincinnati needs to enjoy this ride on the carousel of life.” Oh, the Humanity!”
GETTING AT THE TRUTH: The Anderson Tea Party will be producing a Candidate Questionnaire to submit to all Trustee Candidates. If you have ideas for embarrassing questions, please e-mail them to [email protected], with “Trustee Questionnaire” in the subject by 6 PM on Friday, January 25.- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo reports one of his snitches says after almost three years of litigation all sexual harassment charges against Captain Tan Miles and the Kenton County Clerk’s Office were dismissed. The intentional lying of these three women, two of whom are still employed, has finally been recognized. Colonel Miles is now considering his next move. So why doesn’t he get his job back? Now that it’s confirmed by two judges, why do these two women still have their jobs since we now know they intentionally lied about such a dedicated public servant?
Maybe Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters could help Colonel Miles get his reputation back. He’s doing such a wonderful job for his disgraced former Bungal cheerleader client Sarah Jones who had sex with her student’s frivolous lawsuit trial in Covington this week, along with now representing 21-year-old Cassandra “Cassie” Elfers, a middle school volleyball coach arrested for allegedly having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old student in Kentucky.
FINALLY, YESTERDAY AT A BRIBE LUNCH, a political insider was asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the way all those Obama Supporters in the Press can’t stop slobbering over Obama’s Second Teleprompter Inauguration Day Campaign Speech on MLK Day, trying to compare Obama with both Martin Luther King, Jr. and Abraham Lincoln. “Yeah, right!” Kane explained. “Obama had a dream he was Lincoln.”- NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE CHOSE “the world will little note, nor long remember what we say here” from Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.
Seediest Kids of All
The Eldon Pudpuller Story
Eldon Pudpuller was a very troubled 12-year-old lad who ran up a whopping $38,000 telephone bill last month making calls to 1-900 phone-sex lines, all because his hero, Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien had been in court “getting off” on a technicality for trying to “get off” in front of a Wellborn woman last May and Eldon couldn’t combine “whacking off” with show-and-tell at his Forrest Gump School. The Forest Hills Urinal got hold of the story, and soon none of the Pudpullers could show their faces in public. So the Seediest Kids of All sent over tapes of calls to the same phone sex lines made by guys who’d worked their asses off on “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s campaign and hadn’t even been called back on interviews for jobs in Ohio’s new Second Congressional District Office in Anderson. Now Eldon listens to grown-ups talking dirty any time he wants and it doesn’t cost his family a dime. He’s learning a lot about city government at the same time. He’s studying hard in school and when he grows up, he wants to be a public official too. Just like Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin “Spanky” O’Brien, and then they could be called “Big Spanky” and “Little Spanky.” The entire Pudpuller family is grateful to the Seediest Kids of All, but it’s you they really have to thank, because it’s your guilt throughout the year which makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our January fund-raising drive by the Planned Parenthood, for all that great publicity we continue to provide for all that over-taxed payers’ money they receive for killing babies.
ROE V WADE ANNIVERSARY HOT LINE
e-mail us your fetal felicitations today.
Some pro baby killing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally pro baby killing subscribers.
Link of the Day
Osama Bin Laden Foundation Awards Fellowships To 20 Promising Young Terrorists
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