Sunday, January 20, 2013
The Blower’s Week in Review
OUR NUMBER STORY THIS WEEK was when Obama’s Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Supporters tried to find any of Obama’s accomplishments during the past four years.- OUR NUMBER TWO STORY THIS WEEK was when guys at the Romney Supporters Anonymous Meeting in Goshen tried to imagine all of the disasters that will befall America during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term.
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE STORY THIS WEEK was when Persons of Consequence who subscribe to The Whistleblower Newswire wondered if they could just skip Obama’s 700th teleprompter speech since taking office and fast forward to 2016.
Now at dawn’s early light, we have a picture of Obama’s supporters lining up early for the Inauguration.
- MONDAY in our Special “Free Grain Party” E-dition, The Blower reported it was a political party for 2013:
Last week, respected political scientists who measure the effectiveness of Conservative political activity at the Conservative Accountability Project (CAP) finally issued their long-awaited report about why Republicans never stood a chance at winning the 2012 Presidential Election and provided some direction regarding coming up with a winning message.
First, Romney was right. 47% would never vote for him, no matter what. Those people were dependent upon government, believed they were victims, believed the government had a responsibility to care for them, believed they were entitled to health care, food, housing, and all the free stuff they could get their hands on. These people paid no income tax.
It was easy for Obama to buy these voters, because all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Supporters didn’t have the slightest idea of what they were voting for, and now they’re getting exactly what they deserve (along with the rest of us).
Other reasons included the Devolution of the American Culture During the Obama Administration, Acceptance of the New Dull Normal, Lack of Turnout, the Republican Consultant Lobbyist Establishment, and the Biased News Media that couldn’t have been more corrupt. These factors turned the 47% who would never vote for Romney in the first place into the 53% who voted for Obama.
[READ MORE HERE]
TUESDAY in our Special “Biden’s BFD Gun Plan” E-dition,The Blower said, “It was just another feel good Liberal Solution that won’t work!!” and “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
Will my gun control recommendations cure all the evils of society today, just like Obama promised? —Obama’s Vice President Joke Biden
Please don’t report that there were more murders in gun-outlawed Chicago than coalition deaths in Afghanistan during 2012. —Gun Grabbing Liberal in Congress
But according to our records, the number one weapon used in violent crimes is a baseball bat. —The FBI
Was anybody really surprised when Obama called for more tax hikes and raising the $16.4 Trillion Debt Ceiling at his press conference on Monday? —Obama Supporters in the Press
About as surprised as we were when for the fourth time in five years, Obama’s budget wasn’t submitted in compliance with the law. —Republicans in Congress
[READ MORE HERE]
- WEDNESDAY in our Special “High Velocity Announcement” E-dition,The Blower said “And he just won’t be taxing the bullets!”
BLUEGRASS RIFLE ASSOCIATION SPOKESMAN BILLY BOB CARBINE says the White House is all set to ignore The Constitution, surround himself with children at an orchestrated photo-op, and pull the trigger on 19 Gun-Grabbing Executive Orders today, but Texas Republican Congressman Steve Stockman threatened to file articles of impeachment against Obama if he institutes gun control measures with an executive order. Unfortunately, The Blower doesn’t think it’ll be anywhere near as effective as Charlton Heston’s “From My Cold Dead Hands Speech,” that got a standing ovation at the 2000 National Rifle Association Convention.
Remember when Chris Rock said, “Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollars, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.”
[READ MORE HERE]
THURSDAY, in our Special “Weekly Impeachment Threat” E-dition, The Blower asked, “How many does Obama have so far?”
This Week’s Impeachable Offense : Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says we don’t know about all those big-talking Republicans in Congress, but now ordinary citizens have begun filing Articles of Impeachment against Obama for his sedition against the Constitution, when he signed 23 Gun-Grabbing Executive Orders (Up from 19) while surrounding himself with children from Central Casting at another orchestrated White House photo-op.
IN A RELATED ITEM, Hurley the Historian says according to Times On Line, on this date in 1998, internet gossip Matt Drudge posted a story that ultimately led to Bill Clinton’s Impeachment when he opened the most sensational scandal season in the history of the American presidency. Drudge reported that Newsweek magazine had killed a story about our Disgraced Former Pants Dropper in Chief’s sexual relationship with a former intern. The next day Drudge had her name: Monica Lewinsky, and so did The Whistleblower.
So it’s no big surprise that our Quote for Today Committee chose our Slick Willie’s lie that will live in infamy: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
[READ MORE HERE]
FRIDAY in our Special “Ignoring Obama’s G-uncontrol” E-dition, The Blower asked, “If guns kill people, how does anybody ever get out of a gun show alive?”
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says only 58% of voters plan to watch at least some of Obama’s second Inauguration live on Monday, and that’s a smaller crowd than planned to tune in four years ago. How many first person pronouns like “Me, Myself, and I” do you think they’ll hear? It sounds like some of Obama’s Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Supporters have found something better to do
Our Late Night TV Jokewatcher liked Jimmy Fallon’s “Obama’s inaugural parade will feature eight floats, including a Hawaii float to honor his birthplace, an Illinois float to honor the first lady’s home state, and a Kenyan float just to mess with Republicans.”
At Obama’s Second Inauguration, he’ll be sworn in on a stack of Bibles— and even that won’t be enough.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Douglas Malloch’s “A liar freely gives his oath.”
[READ MORE HERE]
- SATURDAY in our Special ““For the Feminists”” E-dition, The Blower offered a big hand for our Little Ladies!
For the past two weeks, The Whistleblower Newswire has been exclusively reporting about how some people had been calling it “sloppy work” on the part of “JayWalking Joe” Deters’ prosecutors that allowed Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien to “get off” on a technicality for trying to “get off” in front of a Wellborn woman last May.
The “First Line” in Friday’s weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest was “In Anderson, Our Disgraceful Trustee,” and Trustee-in-Charge “In Russ We Trust” Jackson invited residents to read their limericks at Thursday night’s Monthly Trustees Meeting at the Anderson Government Center, which was televised live on Anderson Community TV.
Anderson Township Women’s Groups even showed up to circulate petitions asking Hamilton County’s New Sheriff Jim Neil’s Deputies to conduct a “Penis Lineup” that would also be televised live on Anderson Community TV, so the proper charge against the Township’s Best Known Pickle Tickler might be filed, and WLW Radio’s Lisa Wells wondered if size mattered when that Wellborn woman was asked to identify Kevin’s Pee Wee Weenie.
The greatest honor to befall The Blower from all that coverage was, to be sure, when we received the “Choking Chicken Award” from the American Society of Male Masturbators after Whacky Jackie O’Brien’s Illegitimate Son Kevin became that group’s 2013 Poster Boy.
But Marvin Mandamus had said the prosecutor’s charges weren’t “specific” enough, and terms like “Public Masturbation” or “Indecent Exposure” were not colorful enough to describe Disgraced Anderson Trustee Kevin O’Brien’s atrocious actions.
That’s why last Saturday, our Cunning Linguist at The Blower published hundreds of those vile-and-disgusting terms. It was one of the most well-read Whistleblower e-ditions in history. [READ MORE HERE]
Unfortunately, Francine the Fanatical Feminist protested that the list in last Saturday’s e-dition catalogued only “Male Masturbation” terms, and said if The Blower really wanted to be fair-and-balanced, we would’ve provided a list of “Female Masturbation” terms as well. Whistleblower Researcher Fearless Ferrett was all over that challenge like a muff diver on mescaline, and Straus & Troy’s Joe Braun successfully negotiated with his favorite client, Patty Brisbane at Dildo World, to sponsor this Lotta Labia List.
[READ MORE HERE]
Seediest Kids of All
The Schnozzy Heimlich Story
Schnozzy Heimlich was a balding little six-year-old boy whose dad kept giving him small items to swallow so he could test his life-saving maneuvers. He always dreamed of being a part-time legal commentator on TV, just like his hero Mike Allen, because that way people would think he was a legal expert, even if he could never claim a distinguished legal or political career.
So the Seediest Kids of All sent over an official TV reporter’s trench coat to help Schnozzy look the part; DVDs of all those old “Law and Order” episodes, so Schnozzy could study up on how Prosecutor Jack McCoy got all his convictions; Ken “Mad Dawg” Lawson gave Schnozzy some lessons on abrasive courtroom theatrics, and the folks at TV 9 Substantially True News even gave Schnozzy a chance to audition.
Unfortunately, during his first broadcast, Schnozzy “reported” the “Law and Order” case that everybody had seen on TV the night before, threw in some of those “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit” lines he’d seen Johnny Cochran use during the OJ Trial, and said, “But that IS my real nose,” when that cute little TV 9 reporterette asked him.
The Heimlich family called to express their gratitude for all our help, but it’s really you they have to thank, because it’s your guilt and tax dollars throughout the year which make it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
- G-UNCONTROL UPDATE: Did the NRA shoot itself in the foot this week with its new campaign ad calling Obama an “Elitist Hypocrite” for having Secret Service protection for his children? Tell us if they’re on target. On Saturday, thousands rallied across the nation in support of Second Amendment rights, and Conservatives were reminded that Obama’s second term presents a unique opportunity to rebuild.
- REPUBLICANS IN RETREAT: Acting like they’re in the minority, House Republicans are now pushing a short-term plan to raise the Debt Ceiling before really caving in to Obama and Senate DemocRATS later on.
- DISHONEST DEMOCRATS: A Utah businessman is rocking both state and national politics after claiming Utah Attorney General John Swallow helped him broker a deal with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to make a federal investigation into his company quietly disappear, the Salt Lake Tribune reports.
- RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: There was no report of any “Racial Healing” in the Tri-state this week. Probably everybody’s waiting for Martin Luther King Day on Monday.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says we’re now almost through with Obama’s first term, since it was four years ago on this date Obama Supporters in the Press set a record for the number of times they used the word “historic.” And how many times have they tried to compare Obama with Lincoln? In 2009, President Bush said, “Even though I’ll no longer be around, Liberals will still be blaming me for everything that goes wrong during the next four years.”
- ROMNEY SUPPORTERS ANONYMOUS: Just think how unhappy these guys are going to be when Obama gets sworn in tomorrow.
- MEDIA MENDACITY: CNN “Journalist” Tom Foreman has written to Obama every day since he was elected-1460 Letters! That’s really “Obsessive,” even for an Obama Supporter in the Press.
- OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “Happy birthday to first lady Michelle Obama. She turned 49 years old today. She told a reporter she’d like a nice gift from Barack, but nothing extravagant. Oh, don’t worry. Obama is very responsible when he’s spending his own money.”
- AND YOU THOUGHT THE TEA PARTY PEAKED: A new poll finds that just 58% plan to watch Obama’s Inauguration, a staggering drop from 75% in 2009. Those planning to ignore the televised event are 41%, doubling from 21% in 2009.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says despite constant hammering by our Obama Supporters in the Press, the National Rifle Association has a favorability rating of 54%in the latest Gallup survey, slightly higher than President Obama’s rating of 53%.- OBAMANOMICS: Accuracy in Media points out that much to the surprise of Americans, the president that the majority voted for has not helped pad their wallets and bank accounts. As a result many Americans are starting to feel the pinch through their paychecks. Still more businesses are cutting employees’ hours in response to Obamacare. And now nearly three years later, many other low-wage workers (and their relatives) are beginning to discover what’s in it. And still, they voted for Obama.
- WALL STREET WEAK: Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says stocks hit a five year high this week. Don’t investors know how bad the economy is? Maybe this is what Obama meant when he said, “The best is yet to come.”
- CLOWNS IN CONGRESS: Do you thinkHouse Republicans might run into a little snag if they try to suspend congressional pay as a way to nudge budget negotiations along? Wouldn’t all those Disingenuous DemocRATS in the Senate have to go along with it?
Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup was one of that bill’s many co-sponsors, although you might not have seen much about it in the news, since Wenstrup’s top two overpaid staffers (Chief of Staff Derek Harley and District Representative John Stanton) haven’t figured out how to send out a press release yet, let alone announce the local and phone number of their new district office at 7954 Beechmont Avenue, directly across from the Anderson Tea Party Headquarters.
- IN CLERMONT COUNTY:If the Union Township Board of Trustees says not to worry. “Bronze Star” can always use disgraced former Congresswoman “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s office at the Union Township Civic Center, if anybody on his transition team can ever find it.
- FOCUS GROUP: analyzing what’s wrong with the Republican message these days, Pollster Frank Luntz says, “The congressional Republicans’ message during the ‘fiscal cliff’ debate last month was confused and chaotic. The debt-ceiling vote next month and the budget debate after that promise more of the same – unless House and Senate Republicans stop bickering and start coordinating and talking differently.”
- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says according to the Beacon Journal, Ohio logged a record $849 million in liquor sales in 2012. Just wait till they see how much people are drinking in 2013!
- VOTER FRAUD UPDATE: Last week Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted wanted proof of voter fraud in Ohio. This week Boob Bennett was re-Elected Chairman of the Ohio RINO Party. Is that a coincidence or what?
- SPEAKING OF FRAUDS: Many people can’t quite believe Ohio GOP House Speaker Billy Backstabber would actually appoint Republican State Rep-tile Peter Beck from McMason to be Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee for the next two years, especially after Beck was accused of participating in a fraud that cheated investors out of more than $1.2 million. And almost as many people are wondering if Republican State Rep-tile Peter Stautberg from McAnderson would be returning any of that money Beck had contributed to Stautberg’s campaign.
GOING GALT means recognizing ‘Going Galt’ means recognizing that you deserve praise and honor for your achievements rather than damnation as “exploiters.” Speaking of which, Looney Libertarian Cincinnati Jim Berns says he was delighted getting John Galt’s signature on his petition to run for Cincinnati Mayor.
THE CINCINNATI MESS (You’ll only read about in The Blower): These Obama political signs have been up for more than four months on Kenilworth, viewed from the Beechmont Circle. Isn’t there an ordinance for removal of signs 30 days after an election, or because these are Obama signs, no one will cite these deadbeats? Can P&G please empty its airplane toilets on this house!- FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: Metro Mole says everybody’s still snickering at Idiotorial Page Editor David Holthaus’ homoerotic ode to Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate, Little Lord John Joseph Cranley on Sunday. Meanwhile, how about Barry Horstman’s exclusive front-page story about all those Hamilton County Vote Frauders? Barry, who claims his guiding principle is “printing what someone else does not want printed,” did not print the political party these Vote Criminals were supporting. Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka and RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP were both quoted in the story. You’d think one of them would’ve made the point.
- REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES It seems that a flyer is circulating around Delhi Township claiming to be from the infamous blog, Republicans for Higher Taxes. However, they were uninvolved with it. Republicans for Higher Taxes say anything they distribute in the community would also be found on their website. If it’s not on their site, it’s not from them.
IN HAMILTON COUNTY, Tuesday’s e-mail from Hamilton County RINO Headquarters was a nice Three-Fer. People will be talking about this pitifully lame mockery of political leadership for weeks. [RE-READ THAT REPORT IN THURSDAY’S EDITION]- COUNTDOWN TO TAX DAY: Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering says you should have already received “Your Jacked Up Tax Bill” and you have until midnight on January 31 to get the money in, or our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor will publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats.”
- CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET reports Courthouse Hacks want to know more about that story (uncovered by a debt collector) involving the slow payment history of a relative to a well-known local elected official, whose name you might know. On November 21, the guy was the recipient of his third certificate of judgment filed against him in 2012 by the Great State of Ohio, after earning such judgments on March 22 and April 26.Amazingly, despite an inability to pay his income taxes, this guy has been seen living large at numerous Reds games, Bungals games, and big-name concerts this past year. It’s almost like this guy gets special treatment because of his family connections or something.
- INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST FEARLESS FERRETT says when some people learn more about that woman with six felonies in Ohio who’s been active in Hamilton County RINO Party politics for several years, they’ll wish they’d known about her sooner. That lady with a long history of activism whose name you would surely know was once prosecuted by another official whose name you would also surely know.
REAL GOSSIP BY LINDA LIBEL: Many people in Anderson are now wondering where they can sign petitions being circulated by Anderson Township Women’s Groups asking Hamilton County’s New Sheriff Jim Neil’s Deputies to conduct a “Penis Lineup” that would also be televised live on Anderson Community TV, so the proper charge against Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien might be filed.- FOOLS IN SCHOOLS: Property owners in Anderson can hardly wait for more news about the Forrest Gump School District planned tax hike.
- TROUBLEMAKING TAILGATER TINO DELGATO watched with amazement Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbuck’s tears as he reported on Manti Te’o’s recent “tragedy” about a fake girl friend hoax. Somehow Tino doesn’t remember those crocodile tears a few years ago when a Notre Dame student Declan Sullivan was killed after a scaffold collapsed at a Notre Dame Football practice. Go Figure!!!
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL who his birthday on Thursday when he wrote himself another poem, which can be seen in his “Sentimental Poems of the Day,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ode on My 82st Birthday
It is true I am getting old
My passion is becoming less bold
I’m no longer a pup,
Now I drool in my cup
And my pecker is covered with mold.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 220 is to tell a Liberal how much you admire the lofty neutrality and commitment to truth at all costs of their house journal at the New York Times, which is now about to lay off more of its Obama-loving staffers.- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Critics of Kentucky’s U.S. Senator Rand Paul would like to point out at this time as Obama is trampling the Constitution and attempting to confiscate our guns, that you don’t hear our friendly Paulbots saying that there is no difference between Obama and Romney anymore.
- ALSO IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: The latest and greatest e-dition of Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders feel-good and friendly e-newsletter is on cyber news stands now! This week’s This Week In Kenton Circuit Court features yet another conviction of low-life robbers and drug dealers who managed to murder the guy they were trying to mug, then ran away so fast that they forgot to take the victim’s money.
It’s stories like this that make gun grabbing liberals cringe because the gun toting conservatives can say “if the victim was only armed, he wouldn’t have been a victim!” and they’d be right! Nevertheless, these two punk criminals, who already were illegally possessing firearms, are off the big house for a good long time as they deserve!
FIRST AMENDMENT UPDATE: If Whistleblower Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood used his landmark Deters v The Blower Defense settling that Steubenville SLAPP suit, we still haven’t heard why our Forgetful Fishwrappers aren’t using the same strategy against “Crazy Eric” in his suit against him.
Speaking of Crazy Eric, did you see where he’s now advertising for an experienced paralegal preferably experienced in Kentucky and Ohio legal practice? “I’m sorry,” he says, “but if no experience, I do not want you to apply. There is no time to train.” What happened? Did NoKY’s second most infamous sex-ed teacher, Sarah Jones, quit? Did NoKY’s original most infamous sex-ed teacher, Nicole Howell, get jealous of Eric’s other over-sexed teacher (Sarah) and quit?! Or is “Crazy Eric” in search of a new accused sex offender to work in his office?!
FIREARMS IN FLORENCE: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo went to the Florence Hardware the other day. This is the sign that they have placed on their front door. They should be commended and patronized with our business. Here is a small business in our small community who still believes in the “United States Constitution.” E-mail them at http://www.florencehardware.com/ and visit their business and tell all your friends about them. It would be nice if this started a trend in the community, county, state, and country.- AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane what Republicans should try to accomplish in Williamsburg, Virginia on their Congressional Retreat, and Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher say, “to stop retreating.”
- MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Napoleon Bonaparte’s “In politics… never retreat, never retract… never admit a mistake.”
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
Monday will be celebrating Martin Luther King Day and ignoring Obama’s Historic Second Inauguration.”
Tuesday we’ll be trying to figure out how much over-taxed payers had to borrow from China to pay for Obama’s Second Inauguration and we’ll be publishing Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers to complain about the cost.
Wednesday, we’ll be checking to see if they cleaned up from Obama’s Historic Second Inauguration.
Thursday we’ll be reporting how many more Obama Supporters will be losing their jobs during Obama’s Second Term..
And the first line of Friday’s limerick is: “Here’s what to expect from Obama’s next term.”
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Inauguration Link of the Day
Knock Knock – Spread the Wealth
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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