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Thursday, January 17, 2012
This Week’s Impeachable Offense
AND OBAMA’S SECOND TERM HASN’T EVEN BEGUN: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says we don’t know about all those big-talking Republicans in Congress, but now ordinary citizens have begun filing Articles of Impeachment against Obama for his sedition against the Constitution, when he signed 23 Gun-Grabbing Executive Orders (Up from 19) while surrounding himself with children from Central Casting at another orchestrated White House photo-op.- IN A RELATED ITEM, Hurley the Historian says according to Times On Line, on this date in 1998, internet gossip Matt Drudge posted a story that ultimately led to Bill Clinton’s Impeachment when he opened the most sensational scandal season in the history of the American presidency. Drudge reported that Newsweek magazine had killed a story about our Disgraced Former Pants Dropper in Chief’s sexual relationship with a former intern. The next day Drudge had her name: Monica Lewinsky, and so did The Whistleblower.
So it’s no big surprise that our Quote for Today Committee chose our Slick Willie’s lie that will live in infamy: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
- ANOTHER IRONIC OUTCOME: Pity all those Obama Campaign Staffers who are now Unemployed and without Health Insurance. And you thought all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Voters were stupid. Obama’s screwed-over staffers weren’t even invited to Obama’s upcoming Inaugural Festivities.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen saysmost voters think the DemocRAT Party has an agenda for the future, and the Republican Party does not. Maybe that’s why Newt Gingrich says when House Republicans go on their retreat this week in Williamsburg, Va., they should spend more time thinking about historic lessons and less time complaining about Obama. Maybe then they could begin to understand just how hard wielding power is. How curious is that? The Blower thought Boehner’s Buffoons have been in full retreat ever since November 6.- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Republican Ohio Treasurer Josh Mandel is cutting 10% of his staff to reduce his upcoming budget. The Blower didn’t know the Josher had ten people in his entire department.
Also in Columbus, many people can’t quite believe Ohio GOP House Speaker Billy Backstabber would actually appoint Republican State Rep-tile Peter Beck from McMason to be Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee for the next two years after Beck was accused of participating in a fraud that cheated investors out of more than $1.2 million. And almost as many people are wondering if Republican State Rep-tile Peter Stautberg from McAnderson would be returning any of that money Beck had contributed to Stautberg’s campaign.
- IN HAMILTON COUNTY, Tuesday’s e-mail from Hamilton County RINO Headquarters was a nice Three-Fer. People will be talking about this pitifully lame mockery of political leadership for weeks.
First, we have the NorthEast Hamilton County RINO Circus’ Annual Pancake Breakfast, where Blue Ash, Sharonville and SycaMoron Township RINOs get to pretend to be real conservatives by over-spending for the chance to eat crappy pancakes (if they don’t run out) in the same room as Rand Paul. Rand, like most of the “conservatives” in Washington will be the first in line to take a stand with a symbolic vote once the forces of Big Government in both parties know that they have the votes to pass it anyway. Being in the minority in the Senate, Rand can e his conservative fantasies all day without actually having to do any of the heavy lifting to stop the Obama Diktatorship. Paul will be right at home with a room full of professional second-guessers who haven’t done anything productive with their lives except beat their mighty chests and feed their fat faces at feel good frenzies such as this. This is what so-called Republicans do while the alleged movement conservatives in Washington sleep in and share mindless prattle on Twitter and complain about everything while in the Obama White House they’re already plotting the next assault on our Constitutional rights.
Second, we have the “Buckeye Battalion” where the HCGOP is supposedly going to rally troops to bring Republicans to victory in 2013. Of course, it’s a local-election year, so most of the elections will have about 30% turnout and most incumbents outside of Cincinnati and Forest Park are a bunch of Tax-Hiking RINOS and will win because no one wants those crappy jobs. The only value this “Buckeye Battallion” will bring is comedic value, watching Alex T Mall Cop GOP pretend to be a Lieutenant Colonel with the help of his trusty aide-de-camp Ashwin the Turncoat. Colonel Klink and Sergeant Schultz to the rescue! You know who else would make an excellent addition to this great triumvirate? That lady with a long history of activism whose name you would surely know who was once prosecuted by another official whose name you would also surely know.
And Third, we have the City of Cincinnati candidate selection process, also known as leading lambs to slaughter. Where else can you put your life on hold for nearly a year, ruin relationships with friends and family for the never-ending quest for campaign dollars, and get 100 cubic feet of promises for every square inch of support you’ll get from Hamilton County Republicans? A bunch of people will claim to be your friends and help you out and in reality will do little more than criticize every move you make behind your back and sometimes to your face, while they get their jollies off because the prospect of their helping you makes them feel so gosh-darn important. You’ll have no social life except hanging around these social malcontents and professional second-guessers for a year. All this can be yours if they choose to endorse you, but there’s a chance you might not make the cut if you don’t have the right last name.
IN OAKLEY: Early Wednesday morning, a flasher exposed himself to a woman at Taylor and Paxton Avenues. Last week, an Avondale man thought to be the Hyde Park flasher was arrested by Cincinnati police. This latest Oakley incident occurred at 4:00 a.m. Wednesday. Question for the woman: What in the hell were you doing out by yourself at 4:00 a.m.?- IN ANDERSON: Is Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien really insisting that the improvements on Beechmont Ave include “Carpool Lanes?” Does Whacky Jacky O’Brien’s Illegitimate Son really think the lack of carpool lanes is the reason no one is willing to be in a car with him?
Also in Anderson, Non-Masturbating Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson advises every resident planning to read his Whistleblower Limerick live on Anderson Community TV at tonight’s Trustees Meeting should arrive early and Women’s Groups circulating petitions asking Hamilton County’s New Sheriff Jim Neil’s Deputies to conduct a “Penis Lineup,” so the proper charge might be filed, should be prepared to stay late.
WHAZZUP WITH WENSTRUP: An active voter from Ohio’s Second Congressional District telephoned “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s DC office today to complain about their lack of a posted telephone number for his only District office in Anderson Township, Hamilton County, Ohio.
“After all, he’s only been in office for two weeks!” the staffer replied.
You’d think Bronze Star’s Top Two Overpaid Staffers (Chief of Staff Derek Harley and District Representative John Stanton) could’ve posted a local office telephone number by now.
- IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Critics of Kentucky’s U.S. Senator Rand Paul would like to point out at this time as Obama is trampling the Constitution and attempting to confiscate our guns, that you don’t hear our friendly Paulbots saying that there is no difference between Obama and Romney anymore.
TODAY’S GEEZER REPORT: today is another fateful date for our good friend Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves. And wouldn’t you know, he wrote himself another poem, which can be found in his “Sentimental Poems of the Day,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ode on My 82nd Birthday
It is true I am getting old
My passion is becoming less bold
I’m no longer a pup,
Now I drool in my cup
And my pecker is covered with mold.
FINALLY, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he thought about Obama’s Gun-Grabbing Executive Orders announced while surrounding himself with children brought from each of Obama’s 57 states and accompanied by their parents at over-taxed payers’ expense for yet another orchestrated White House photo op.
“Obama ought to be impeached for wasting everybody’s time,” Kane explained. “If he’d only followed through on his own first Executive Order to enforce every law on the books to keep dangerous guns out of dangerous hands, maybe that man wouldn’t have been shot outside Rahm Emanuel’s gym in Obama’s home town of Chicago Wednesday morning.”
Seediest Kids of All
The Schnozzy Heimlich Story
Schnozzy Heimlich was a balding little six-year-old boy whose dad kept giving him small items to swallow so he could test his life-saving maneuvers. He always dreamed of being a part-time legal commentator on TV, just like his hero Mike Allen, because that way people would think he was a legal expert, even if he could never claim a distinguished legal or political career.
So the Seediest Kids of All sent over an official TV reporter’s trench coat to help Schnozzy look the part; DVDs of all those old “Law and Order” episodes, so Schnozzy could study up on how Prosecutor Jack McCoy got all his convictions; Ken “Mad Dawg” Lawson gave Schnozzy some lessons on abrasive courtroom theatrics, and the folks at TV 9 Substantially True News even gave Schnozzy a chance to audition.
Unfortunately, during his first broadcast, Schnozzy “reported” the “Law and Order” case that everybody had seen on TV the night before, threw in some of those “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit” lines he’d seen Johnny Cochran use during the OJ Trial, and said, “But that IS my real nose,” when that cute little TV 9 reporterette asked him.
The Heimlich family called to express their gratitude for all our help, but it’s really you they have to thank, because it’s your guilt and tax dollars throughout the year which make it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
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Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our January fund-raising drive by the Bluegrass Rifle Association, for all that great publicity we continue to provide for their efforts to support the Second Amendment.
OBAMA IMPEACHMENT HOT LINE
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