Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

• Will my gun control recommendations cure all the evils of society today, just like Obama promised? —Obama’s Vice President Joke Biden
• Please don’t report that there were more murders in gun-outlawed Chicago than coalition deaths in Afghanistan during 2012. —Gun Grabbing Liberal in Congress
• But according to our records, the number one weapon used in violent crimes is a baseball bat. —The FBI
• Was anybody really surprised when Obama called for more tax hikes and raising the $16.4 Trillion Debt Ceiling at his press conference on Monday? —Obama Supporters in the Press
• About as surprised as we were when for the fourth time in five years, Obama’s budget wasn’t submitted in compliance with the law. —Republicans in Congress
• Please stop mocking us because we’re being laid off, having our hours reduced, and those of us who still have jobs are seeing smaller paychecks due to higher taxes. —Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Obama Supporters Getting Exactly What They Voted For (Along With the Rest of Us)
• Colin Powell’s Obama conversion had nothing to do with his latest Racist Anti-Republican Outburst. —Edward Cropper
• We believe government should just be eliminated so people can help themselves to what other people have, and if Republicans would only incorporate a little more of that kind of selfishness into their message, the GOP might possibly win a national election sometime in the future. —The Free Grain Party
• Don’t be stupid, be a smarty. Come and join the Free Grain Party. —John Barleycorn
• Now that former Gayvenor Strickland is out, everybody’s waiting to see which other crappy candidate Ohio’s Disingenuous DemocRATS come up with to oppose my re-election next year. —Ohio’s GOP Governor John Kasich
• Just because Republican State Rep-tile Peter Beck from McMason (representing Ohio’s 54th House District) may be accused of participating in a fraud that cheated investors out of more than $1.2 million, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be appointed Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee for the next two years. —Ohio House Speaker William G. Backstabber
• Did you enjoy Sunday’s puff piece for our Future Feisty Munchkin Mayor? —Feckless Fishwrappers
• As always in the Cincinnati Mayoral Race, when the race is about half over only the top two candidates (Little Lord John Joseph Cranley IV and I) will be allowed to continue. —Foxy Roxy
• Please don’t ask who our candidate will be. —Hamilton County RINO party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
• Nevertheless, I still intend to file my petitions next week. —Looney Libertarian Candidate Jim Berns
• Don’t forget, you only have until midnight on January 31 to pay your “Jacked Up Property Taxes,” or our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor will publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats. —Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering
• Why isn’t the media reporting the fact that at our the last township meeting, Trustee Ed Wade gave $250,000.00 of our over-taxed payers’ tax money to the city of Springboro? —NoTaxJax in Warren County
• Because of what some people might call “sloppy work” on the part of “JayWalking Joe” Deters’ prosecutors that allowed Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien to “get off” on a technicality for trying to “get off” in front of a Wellborn woman last May, we’re circulating petitions asking Hamilton County’s new Sheriff Jim Neil’s Deputies to conduct a “Penis Lineup,” so the proper charge might be filed. —Anderson Township Women’s Groups
• We must protest that list in last Saturday’s e-dition that catalogued only those “Male Masturbation” terms. If The Blower is really fair and balanced, you should now provide a list of “Female Masturbation” terms as well. —Francine the Fanatical Feminist
• Maybe this week the Forest Hills Urinal will publish the location of our Congressional Office across the street from the Anderson Tea Party Headquarters. —“Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s Top Two Overpaid Staffers (Chief of Staff Derek Harley and District Representative John Stanton)
• How long am I supposed to wait until I begin my political comeback? —“Mean Jean” Schmidt
• Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. —The Seediest Kids of All
• We think we deserve more credit. —United Appall People
• Today is Martin Luther King’s real birthday and we’re still waiting for one of those Liberal Talking Heads on TV to report that he was really a Republican. —Hurley the Historian
• That’s why we selected MLK’s “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
• Do you think we’ll still be open without more over-taxed payer funding next year on MLK Day? —The Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center
• In Northern Kentucky, the Covington City Commission wonders if we should really be calling this year’s holiday “Twelfth Street/ Martin Luther King Day.”—Ken CamBoo
• And don’t forget to sing “My Old Kentucky Home,” especially the part about all the darkies being happy and gay. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
• Maybe The Fishwrap didn’t think a story about a local attorney who is suing them, is being accused of “extortion as a matter of law,” would be of any interest. —“Crazy Eric” Deters
• Was that picture of me standing in Ohio big enough on my new office web page? —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
• From the pictures of all those houses, we thought The Robster was selling houses these days. —Northern Kentucky Realtors
• If Black History Month officially begins on Martin Luther King’s Birthday, when does it ever end? —TV 19’s Trish the Dish
• Should I have been wearing my afro wig to celebrate Martin Luther King’s Birthday? —Jack Atherton, (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you wanted to knit me a head warmer)

—Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of overreaction by Liberal Wackos to show that exploiting acts of violence for political purposes will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Gun Control Fanatic.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially Gun Grabbers.

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Some sarcastic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally sarcastic subscribers.

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