Official “Ohio Early Voting” E-dition

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

  • Are we running out of hype for tomorrow night’s Joint Press Conference with a Biased Liberal Moderator in Denver? —The So-Called Commission on Presidential Debates
  • We’re doing everything we can to lower expectations for Obama’s performance in tomorrow night’s debate. —Obama Supporters in the Press
  • Does The Blower have any zingers I could use to prep Mitt Romney for tomorrow night’s debate? —Rob “Fighting for Free Phones” Portman
  • Only two of the original sponsors have pulled their support over the exclusion of our presidential candidate Gary Johnson, arguing that the commission which runs the debates is locked into a two-party outlook. —Loony Libertarians
  • And just to show how fair and impartial I can be, I won’t even be wearing my Obama button when I moderate the debate. —Former PBS Commentator Jim Lehrer
  • Midway through the debate, we’ll already be telling you who won. —Skewed Pollsters for Obama
  • Will they be spamming 32 more e-mail requests for donations during the debate? —Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose
  • Michelle Obama will be Digging Up DemocRATS at Spring Grove Cemetery in Cincinnati today on the first day of Early DemocRAT Voter Fraud. —Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka
  • We’re telling all our Republican Party hacks at the courthouse to show up at RINO Party Headquarters for our Commit to Mitt Rally at 7:30 AM this morning so we can all march over to the Board of Elections and vote early this morning. —Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
  • How many dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed undecided voters will camp out all night to be first in line to vote today? —Hamilton County Board of Elections
  • That’s why we chose Dan Quayle’s “A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
  • With “34” more days until Election Day, he best part about Early Voting would be “No More RoboCalls!” —Campaigns Hoping to Save Money By Not Having to Call People Who’ve Already Voted

  • Did you see that report that says more than One Million Ohio Residents now have Free Obamaphones? —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders
  • Here’s how to see if you qualify for your Free Obamaphone. —Ohio DemocRATS
  • Forget 2008! Only re-electing Obama in 2012 will prove America isn’t racist. —Racial Racketeers for Obama
  • Am I supposed to be running for something this year? —“TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman
  • Does that big drop in absentee-ballot requests by military personnel in Ohio mean Obama’s friends in the Pentagon are failing to carry out the federal voting law? —The Military Voter Protection Project
  • We had to cancel last Saturday’s golf outing. After all, how would it have looked if we were boozing it up on the golf course all day when all of our supporters were volunteering on our campaigns? —Hamilton County State Legislators
  • During our five-week “Rebuild America” tour, we’ll be traveling all across this great nation holding rallies and running TV ads in the most critical swing states in this election. —Campaign to Defeat Obama
  • Under The Fishwrap’s new Digital Pay Policy, will I have to log-in every time I need to fact-check one of their stories? —Freddy Factchecker
  • On this date in 1985, homosexual heart throb Rock Hudson died of AIDS. And just think, if Rock Hudson were still alive, he could be on “Dancing with the Stars.” —Hurley the Historian
  • Don’t forget, “Taxmageddon” will be here in only 94 days (That’s when the largest tax hikes in the history of America will take effect on January 1, 2013.) —The Heritage Foundation
  • There is no limit to the number of yard signs an Anderson resident may have in his yard, as long as they are less than 16 square feet (4’x4′) each. —“In Russ We Trust” Jackson
  • Did anybody ever figure out when Early Voting begins in Kentucky? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
  • Trish the Dish said she was going to ask that question. —Channel 19 Short Attention Span News at 6:30 PM
  • No fair, I wanted to ask that question first. — Channel 5’s Sheree Paolello

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer — 

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of political debates to show that joint press conferences with biased Liberal moderators is not always acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t taking part in Wednesday Debacle in Denver.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially the Commission on Presidential Debates.

EARLY VOTING HOTLINE

e-mail your sample ballots today.

Some early voting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally early voting subscribers.

Link of the Day

Why I Changed My Vote, Part One

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here