Friday, August 31, 2012
More Outstanding Orators
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says with only “66” more days until the 2012 Elections, everybody’s still talking about all those great speeches on Tuesday and Wednesday at the Republican National Convention in Tampa. It’ll take a month for our Quote for Today Committee to catalogue all those Conservative Comments. But for now, here are a few highlights:
TUESDAY NIGHT, House Speaker Boehner said, “We begin tonight with a fundamental question: Can we do better? The answer, in my view, is obvious: You bet we can.” Ohio Governor John Kasich said, “The president is doing nothing about the National Debt.” Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell said, “Under Obama, the EPA has become the employment prevention agency.” New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said, “Real leaders don’t follow polls, real leaders change polls.” Former DemocRAT Congressman who introduced Obama in 2008 Artur Davis said, “The DemocRATS’ ads convince me that Gov. Romney can’t sing, but his record convinces me he knows how to lead, and I think you know which skill we need more.” Rising Star Utah Congressional Candidate Mia Love (to Obama) said, “We’re not buying what you’re selling.” And Ann Romney said, “This man will not fail. This man will not let us down. This man will lift up America!”
WEDNESDAY NIGHT, Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting for Face Time” Portman said, “My name is Rob Portman and they say I was on Governor Romney’s short list of vice presidential candidates. Apparently, it wasn’t short enough.” Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell said, “Obama Wants To Join the PGA.” Kentucky Senator Rand Paul said, “When the Supreme Court upheld Obamacare, the first words out of my mouth were: I still think it is unconstitutional!” Senator John McCain said, “This president, Barack Obama, bragged about leading from behind. Mitt Romney believes in leading from in front.” Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty said, “Welcome to Barack Obama’s Retirement Party!” Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee said, “The only hitch in an otherwise perfect week was the awful noise coming from the hotel room next door to mine. Turns out it was just Debbie Wasserman Schultz, practicing her speech for the DemocRAT National Convention in Charlotte next week. Bless her heart.” Condoleezza Rice said, “And on a personal note—a little girl grows up in Jim Crow Birmingham—the most segregated big city in America—her parents can’t take her to a movie theater or a restaurant—but they make her believe that even though she can’t have a hamburger at the Woolworth’s lunch counter—she can be President of the United States and she becomes the Secretary of State. New Mexico Governor Susana Martinez said, “I’ll be damned! We’re Republicans!” And Paul Ryan said, “After four years of getting the run-around, America needs a turnaround, and the man for the job is Gov. Mitt Romney.”
And from the Nattering Nabobs of Negativism: Obama said, “Romney Doesn’t Care.” Al Gore said, “Bush can’t be blamed for everything.” Fox News House Liberal Juan Williams said, “Ann Romney looked like a ‘Corporate Wife’,” and PMSNBC’s Chris Matthews speaking for all Obama Supporters in the Press, said, “Any criticism of Obama is always Racist.”
Finally from Tampa, Political Insiders via a Skype conference call asked Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what would be the Notable Quotable from Thursday night’s speeches. “That’s easy,” Kane explained. “If The Blower was accurate about predicting Clint Eastwood would be Thursday night’s ‘Mystery Speaker,’ it just might be ‘Go ahead, make my day!”
Stories We’re Working On
Navy Seals book contradicts Obama account of Bin Laden Raid- Obamagas is $4 per gallon just in time for Labor Day
- Romney to visit hurricane victims
- Obama and Biden blow off local Labor Day Picnic
- Tampa Bay gay prostitutes nearly worn out
- How about them Reds?
- Tonight it’ll be “Once in a Blue Moon”
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said people would be spending the Union Day weekend:
(A) Honoring American workers: 2%
(B) Sitting in traffic: 2%
(C) Watching Romney and Ryan on TV: 2%
(D) Getting another day off with pay: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
A Most Unconventional Convention
This week, everybody who thinks Republicans may have actually found something to cheer about at their Convention in Tampa, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is our Recovering Republican, who says it was really worth paying all that money to fly to Tampa and pay ten times the normal rate for his hotel room so he could cure his electile dysfunction.
Recovering wins a “Government Didn’t Build My Business, I Did” T-Shirt from the Romney Store, some Obama Marshmallows from the DNC so he can make smores, and a good Tea-bagging from the Tea-Bagger of his choice. His winning limerick is:
When the Republicans have a convention,
They hope they’ll still be in contention
Introducing Romney and Ryan,
To oust our phony Hawaiian
Let’s hope Undecided Voters will be paying attention.
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s probably not undecided about this year’s election):
When the Republicans have a convention
The weather might cause a suspension
But if it’s called to a halt,
It’ll all be George Bush’s fault
At least that’s the left wing invention.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When DemocRATS discuss their delusions”
ELECTILE DYSFUNCTION HOT LINE
E-mail your sure cures today.
