Special “Convention Selection” E-dition

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

  • It was really heartless for all those mean-spirited Republicans to hold a meaningless political convention on the anniversary George Bush’s Katrina Debacle, when Hurricane Isaac was about to wreak havoc on New Orleans one more time. —Debbie Wasserman Schultz, DemocRAT National Committee Chairwoman
  • We’re thinking of turning our convention into a telethon for hurricane victims, with all those great photo ops of Republicans filling sandbags and helping victims, and Mitt Romney’s acceptance speech via satellite from the storm-ravaged Gulf region. —Reince Priebus, Republican National Committee Chairman
  • How blasphemous was it for me to say “God shut down the Republican National Convention on Monday?” —Liberal Talk Show Host Jennifer Granholm
  • Do you think our enablers in the Mainstream Media will give us all the coverage we deserve? —Obama’s Occupy Protestors in Tampa

  • On this date in 1968, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s high-school and college chum Jerry Rubin helped organize that little protest at the DemocRAT National Convention in Chicago. Those were the days! —Hurley the Historian
  • That’s why we chose Obama’s Hurricane Hype: “All indications point to this being a historic hurricane.” —Your Quote for Today Committee

  • In case you didn’t want to drive 16 hours straight thru to Tampa just to hear Rob “I Could’ve Been a Contender” Portman’s speech to the Ohio Delegation on Monday morning, we have all the text updates, photos, and videos that were posted during the event. —The Ohio Republican Party
  • We used our traditional fair, open, and honest selection process to choose our delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention in Tampa. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
  • Most voters won’t be watching much of the upcoming national political conventions, and over one-third of independent voters plan to tune them out completely. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
  • Only racists would want to see that new top-ranked movie, “Obama’s America 2016,” and we’ll be more than happy to sell you a ticket or two. —AMC Newport On The Levee, Great Escape Wilder, Rave Motion Pictures Western Hills, Rave Motion Pictures Florence, Springdale 18: Cinema de Lux, Rave Motion Pictures West Chester, Rave Motion Pictures Milford 16, and Regal Deerfield Towne Center Stadium
  • In yesterday’s fund-raising e-mail, Obama told us if he loses the election it will be our fault. —Obsessive Obama Supporters Tom and Rose
  • Wouldn’t it be funny if those lying bitches in “Republican Women for Obama” were really DemocRATS? —Obama Campaign Dirty Tricks Squad
  • Many buildings are flying the American flag at half-mast today in honor of Neil Armstrong, except the White House. — DC Newsbreaker
  • Today there are only “69” more days till the November Elections. That means we only have nine more weeks to sell more attack ads so friends of Obama can come up with even more lies about Mitt Romney. —Greedy TV Ad Salesmen
  • The ordinary person gives thanks. The hustler sells it. —Bunky Tadwell’s Inspirational Thought for the Week
  • Nobody’s saying Kentucky is a “Bellwether State” like they did in 2008. After all, we haven’t gone for a loser in a presidential election since 1960. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
  • Of course we’ll be a “Red” state again. Romney is beating Obama so bad in Kentucky, it looks like the score in one of our exhibition games. —UK Basketball Fans
  • Please don’t report that we’re urging Obama to stay away from Kentucky during the rest of the campaign. —Bluegrass DemocRATS
  • Are they giving away free Depends for us older delegates at the convention? —“BeanBall Jim” Bunning
  • During the convention we won’t be watching the polls, just strippers on poles. —Horny from Hebron
  • The Fishwrap even promised to quote us from the convention. —Alternate Delegates Kathy Flaig, Garth Kuhnhein, Scott Kimmich, John Nalbandian, and Kimberly Poore Moser
  • What in the world is an “Alternate Delegate” and why are they even there? —Left at Home Spouses
  • You can’t believe how many gay prostitutes were waiting for that flood of closeted Republicans at the Convention. —Lance Loveguard, Sodomy Rites Activist
  • If I went to the convention, do you think anybody would be mistaking me for Sarah Palin? —The Always MILFy Addia Wuchner
  • Do they have a hurricane named Trish too? —Channel 19 Short Attention Span News at 6:30 PM
  • At Channel 5, Sheree Paolello so far convention coverage has been easy, since its only a weather report. —Jack Atherton

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of convention delegates to show that attending raucous caucuses is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a political reporter trying to justify his existence during a campaign.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Huggable Howard.

UN-CONVENTIONAL WISDOM HOT LINE

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Some off-the-wall items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally off-the-wall bashing subscribers.

Link of the Day

GOP Trying To Keep Elderly Voting Base Alive Until November

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