Butch LaDeux was a very troubled 11-year-old second-grader who was not doing well in school, even by the Forrest Gump School District’s standards. The truth is, Butch is illiterate, and he always tries to cover up his feelings of inferiority by punching little kids in the stomach and stealing their lunch money.

        So the Seediest Kids of All (not associated with the Failed United Way) enrolled Butch at O’Brien’s Gym so he could channel his aggressive energy and Bungals Bar-Fighter Rey Maualuga taught Butch how to blindside his opponents.

         Butch still beats up little kids for their lunch money, but instead of punching them in the stomach, he takes clean shots to the head and face as he goes after them because their parents had dared to put “Vote No” signs against the school levy in their front yards.

The LaDeux family is no longer on welfare, due to the substantial amount of money Butch now brings home every week. They’re grateful to the Seediest Kids of All, but it’s really you they have to thank, because it’s your liberal guilt throughout the year which makes it all possible.