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TODAY IS
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2018
Trump’s 623rd Day In Office
If Tonight’s Award-Winning Late-Night Friday E-dition Only Included Other Satirical Web Pages, The Blower’s Friday’s Features Might Look Something Like This:
New Accuser: “Disguised Kavanaugh Sodomized Me With A Water Wiggle”
WASHINGTON (Big Hairy News) – Attorney Michael Avenatti announced today that he is representing a woman who claims SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her just two years ago.
“My client is willing to testify under oath that Brett Kavanaugh, sporting makeup and wig to make him appear as a young black man, violently sodomized her with a Wham-O Water Wiggle at a private pool party approximately two or three years ago somewhere in Kentucky or Tennessee,” Avenatti told reporters Friday morning.
“Because of the attack, this poor woman has developed a hysterical fear of garden hoses and refuses to shower. Brett Kavanaugh must be held accountable.”
Senator Diane Feinstein (RTRD- Ca) called the accusation “the smoking gun we’ve been waiting for,” and called for Kavanaugh’s immediate arrest.
More as this story develops.
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Our most equal Chairman Meow made this picture yesterday and posted it as a modest comment on Further Kavanaugh crimes brought to light: jaywalking. Within hours of it appearing on social media, it collected hundreds of retweets and hilarious replies on Twitter and over a thousand shares on Facebook, with dozens of great comments. We decided it deserved its own thread.
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DemocRATS Shudder At Idea Of Having To Legislate Through Congress Should Supreme Court Lean Right
U.S.—With the confirmation vote on Brett Kavanaugh looming, DemocRATS expressed fear and trepidation Friday at the idea of having to actually legislate through Congress instead of courts in the future, should the Supreme Court tilt to the right.
“Oh man, when we want to shove our social agenda down the nation’s throat, we’re going to have to get the legislative branch involved. There’s gonna have to be votes and the whole nine,” a petrified senator, who wished to remain anonymous, said. “If the conservatives get a majority on the Supreme Court, it’ll be back to ‘Schoolhouse Rock.’”
“Legislating through the legislative branch instead of forcing our will on the populace using unelected judges—can you imagine it?” the visibly shaken DemocRAT said, adding that the American people “don’t approve of liberal position on issues until we legally mandate that they approve of them,” offering the examples of abortion and gay marriage.
The anxiety-ridden senator then described a right-leaning high court as “a hopeless situation,” saying, “An America in which laws are passed by a large body comprised of elected officials whose duty it is to represent their constituency is not the America our founders intended.”
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Now Here’s Tonight’s Fake News Fun From The Onion
Senator Feinstein Wondering If Now A Good Time To Disclose 7 Highly Credible Murder Allegations Against Kavanaugh She Received Weeks Ago
WASHINGTON—Weighing the importance of the information against the potential political fallout, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) debated Friday whether or not now might be a prudent time to introduce into discussion the seven highly credible murder accusations against Brett Kavanaugh that were given to her in August. “Roughly five weeks ago, the family members of five slain women and two men presented me with dozens of file boxes full of concrete, corroborated evidence that Kavanaugh was personally and solely responsible for the deaths, and I’m now experiencing a strong feeling that maybe the other Senators, the media, and the American public should know,” said Feinstein, who also disclosed that dozens of people had come forward with information further connecting Kavanaugh to a string of brutal stranglings committed from 1986 to 2011, but had been turned away over concerns that it wasn’t relevant to the confirmation process. “His fingerprints are all over the crime scenes, there is DNA evidence from blood he left, and there are three dozen eyewitnesses. But information like that could really energize the Republican base, so you can see my dilemma here.” At press time, Feinstein had decided to sit on the evidence until a more politically expedient time.
Similar Stories Appeared In Other Well-Know On Line Publications
“I can see 2022 from my house…” Palin tweet hints at primary run against Murkowski
Late-Night Pile-On: Leftist Hosts Rip the FBI’s Brett Kavanaugh Investigation
Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel are not satisfied with the official results and what that suggests …
And There Was This Actual Story With These Satirical-Looking Headlines
And This Twitter Looked Like Satire, Too
There Were Satirical Kavanaugh Videos Like This
Meanwhile, Whistleblower Archivists Were Putting Together Reaction On The Internet
The Whistleblower Newswire Is Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
The Blower believes we’re still living during the most important period in American History for our non-stop campaign against Political Correctness, the Devolution of American Culture.
That’s because during the next 32 days until the most important Mid-Term Elections in History (since the 2018 Mid-terms are now a National Election –more than mere mid-terms– and a referendum on everything Trump has accomplished), while Congress, the Deep State, and the Leftist Media Establishment will continue to lie and say really stupid things without a smidgen of journalistic integrity in their effort to advance their Radical Leftist Agenda.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane Says The Conservative Agenda Is Now Working On Donald Trump’s Fourth 100 Days To Make America Great Again. Today Was Day Number 623 And There Are Now Only 759 More Days Until Trump’s Re-Election Day on November 3, 2020.
