TODAY IS
SUNDAY, MARCH 17, 2019
Trump’s 786th Day In Office
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
If only Saint Patrick were alive these days, he could stop in at the White House, Congress, your State House, every city hall and courthouse in the tri-state, and especially at Hamilton County RINO Party Headquarters, the Anderson Government Center, and the Forrest Gump School District, where we need to get rid of some of the biggest snakes in history —Harry the Herpetologist
Yesterday was officially St. Patrick’s Day in Greater Cincinnati. That’s when people of Irish descent have too much to drink, or as former Cincinnati Mayor Quisling Charlie Luken calls it, “Sunday.” —Hurley the Historian
Why weren’t there more Black Irish people marching in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade? —Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes With Hate” Livingston
The best part of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade was seeing Erin Go Bra-less. —Horny Hibernians
We remember a few years ago at this time when The Fishwrap was cheerleading for Rob “Fighting for Flamers” Portman’s evolving position on same sex marriage, as well as exaggerating the importance of some unhappy gay group that wasn’t allowed to take part in that year’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade. —Whistleblower Alternative Life-Styles Correspondents Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
Those “Fluffers” in the media always know where to find a lot of Sodomy Rites Activists to interview in a hurry. —Greater Cincinnati Moral Authority Emeritus Phil Burr-ass
Speaking of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, some of those Irish people looked like our members. —The KKK
Would any of you dudes like to see my shillelagh? —Cincinnati Clowncilgay Chris Squealback
Maybe that’s why we chose Oscar Wilde’s, “A true friend stabs you in the front.” —Quote for Today Committee
What’s the biggest difference between Black History Month and St. Patrick’s Day? On St. Patrick’s Day everybody wants to be Irish. —Redneck Republicans
Did The Blower forget to mention that Palm Sunday has always been my favorite holiday? —Judge Mike Barrett (still keeping everything well in hand)
It’s too bad we don’t still have the Ohio Presidential Primary Elections coming this year. —Campaign Countdown Clock Watchers
Spring doesn’t arrive in Northern Kentucky until Toys R Us has a going out of business sale in Kentucky. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, was the biggest backstabber of all? —Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda
If you’re an elected official in Northern Kentucky, you might be a backstabber. —Jeff Foxworthy
Spring usually arrives in the tri-state when UC basketball fans are home watching Xavier and the Kentucky Wildcats play on TV. —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball
Cincinnati will keep the traditions alive by dying the Ohio River brown again for St. Patrick’s Day.—TV Weather-Guessers
Does anybody remember last year when I claimed I’d be happy to pay for 15,000 steak dinners if NKU had won it’s big NCAA game? e. —Jeff Ruby
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until the Jeff Ruby Steaks, unlike in Anderson when River Downs is usually still under water. —Turfway Touts
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until drunks sober up from St. Patrick’s Day. —Mainstrasse Bars
Spring doesn’t usually arrive in Northern Kentucky until we start tossing back Bock beer chasers. But ah, it greets the lips like an old friend. —Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we’ve each devoured 437 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. —Clueless Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
Spring never officially arrived in Northern Kentucky during the good old days until I got my Hummer polished, if you know what I mean. —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until the Bluegrass Bar Association forgets to return my law license. —Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Won’t They Let Me Practice Law Again, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
I agree. —Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Not-yet-Indicted Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley
Happy St. Patrick’s Day to an Irish relative who came here with a dream of equality and now wants to move back because we elected a black president. —Mother Machree
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until all Covington sex shops have their annual Spring sale. —Steve “I’m 5’0, Not 4’11” Mergele and Will “The Thrill” Terwort
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you have sex with your first spring sheep. —Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people at least start thinking about paying their taxes. —Your Friends at the IRS
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until you tickle a young man’s fancy. —MILFs on Probation
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until we fake our equinox orgasms. —Uptight Bitches in Fort Mitchell
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until people are lined up for Opening Day tickets in May to see the Florence Freedom. —Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie “I Thought You Guys at the Blower Forgot About Me” Whalen
Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky till I celebrate BB&BJ Day on March 20. —Horny in Hebron
I went to the local hardware store for a pint of green paint and today I’ll paint my ass green and stand on the corner of Anderson/Crescent Springs Road and Buttermilk Pike and all you Irish can come by and KISS IT! —Vanilla Hills Mayor Butch Callery
Trish O’Dish says Spring doesn’t officially arrive in Northern Kentucky until St. Patrick sees his shadow. —TV 19 News
Sure and Begorrah, my job at WCPO-TV really has its ups and downs. —Danny Boy O’Carroll
And if all of that isn’t Newsworthy enough, check out “Boston Mayor Throws Out First Punch At St. Patrick’s Day Parade.” —The Onion
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Charlie Luken.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of fake Irish people to show that all this diversity crap is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a drunken Blarney Stone-kissing, Shillelagh-shaking Mick.
Disclaimer: This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially “Erin Go Bragh less.”
HIBERNIAN HANGOVER HOT LINE
E-mail your sure cures today
Some inebriated Irish items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally inebriated Irish subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
The Horrifying True Story of St. Patrick’s Day
(Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Rosemary Kelly Schatzman [317 Friends, 23 Mutual], who works very hard at being retired)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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