FRIDAY, AUGUST 18, 2017

Keeping Students Safe
Angry Andersonian Corbly Clough says in a reaction to the Wednesday’s Whistleblower report about the Forest Hills school board cover-up, sources inside Forest Hills came forth to reveal that the safety of Anderson students, teachers, and visitors were foremost in the minds of project planners.

The sources noted that it will be much more difficult for shooters and knifers to get through the school’s new entrance. Shooting distances will be much longer by forcing attacks to be made outside thus increasing safety. Perpetrators are also much more likely to survive, further reducing body counts.

Even though car and truck drivers might be able to attain much higher attack speeds on Forest Road, planning layouts maximized traffic bottlenecks at peak hours as a deterrent. Sources also noted that buses loaded with students were considered to be much more cost effective than concrete barriers. Being able to spin such cost effectiveness to voters would be needed if the truth about the eight figure overrun was uncovered.

Plans are also being made for the aftermath of attacks. A vigil will be initiated that will not end until all guns, knives, cars, and trucks are banned. Hysterical national coverage by the MSM is expected to completely distract everyone from the cover-up revealed by the Whistleblower.

IN OTHER NEWS: Forest Road is to be renamed Forest Heis Parkway in front of Anderson High School at the same ceremony as the dedication of the new AHS killing field. All former and current Forest Heis school board members are expected to be present, guaranteeing a large attendance at the event even if no one else shows up for fear of the obvious threats to their personal safety. Anderson Trustee Andrew Pappas has volunteered to provide his machine-gun-mounted Jeep for the event, but probably won’t attend.