TODAY IS
MONDAY, MARCH 8, 2021
TRUMP’S FORTY-SEVENTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND IF YOU THINK “VELOCIRAPTORS” IS A LAME NAME FOR A SCHOOL MASCOT, PERHAPS YOU DON’T RECALL THE CHOICES AFTER 4/5 OF THE FOREST HILLS WOKE SCHOOL BOARD ENTHUSIASTICALLY VOTED TO MURDER OUR BELOVED ANDERSON REDSKINS MASCOT THE BLOWER EXCLUSIVELY REPORTED IN OUR JUNE 18, 2020 E-DITION This Just In From Our Anonymous Andersonian
Today we have the Top Ten Anderson Mascot Candidates after 4/5 of the Forest Hills Woke School Board enthusiastically voted to murder our Beloved Anderson Redskin Mascot.
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10. Team name: The FrooSmiths. Team mascot: Lippie, a pig constantly applying lipstick to itself.
9. Team name: The Peacocks. Team mascot: Pat, a rainbow-colored chicken of uncertain sex
8. Team name: The Turkeys. Team mascot: Joe-Jo, a turkey with a maniacal gobble doing the tomahawk chop gesture to its own neck
7. Team name: The Blob. Team mascot: SciFi, a slimy, indeterminate creature that only graduates from the 1950s will recognize.
6. Team name: The Flush. Team mascot: Plunkie, a loveable brown turd-creature.
5. Team name: The Bottomless Pits. Team mascot: Tax Man, a large dollar sign with a huge mouth and a dropped flap on the buttocks.
4. Team name: The Scholars. Team mascot: IQ, a student with a propeller beanie and an iPad
3. Team name: The Anals. Team mascot: Cleanie, a Purex bottle with white gloves and boots throwing antiseptic wipes to the crowd before, during, and after events.
2. Team name: The Coywolves. Team mascot: Doggie (a real coyote-wolf) entertaining crowds at half-time chasing down live rabbits instead of Frisbies while educating students about life with Mother Nature.
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…And The Number One Anderson Mascot Candidate after 4/5 of the Forest Hills Woke School Board enthusiastically voted to murder our Beloved Anderson Redskin Mascot, is… Team name: The Covids. Team mascot: Viddie, with head, body, and limbs composed of mock coronaviruses and wearing a mask. Social distancing, of course.
REMEMBERING OUR REDSKIN
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