TUESDAY, MARCH 28, 2017
We’re Number One With A Bullet

At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders returning from Spring Break couldn’t get over how political correctness had been running amok hereabouts in the local news media, especially after Cincinnati’s Largest Mass Shooting in America to date in 2017 at the Cameo nightclub. “Exactly what is the socio-economic makeup of people who party at a place like that anyway?” Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane wondered. None of those news reports was very clear about that.

Then Trump’s Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ announced the U.S. Department of Justice would be cutting off grant money from “sanctuary cities” like Cincinnati, because Illegal Immigrants are making the nation “less safe.”

Republican U.S. Senate candidate, Ohio Treasurer Josh Mandel still wants Cranley and Clowncil to face criminal penalties if anyone is injured by illegal immigrants in Cincinnati.

Then Whistleblower Senior Business Editor Merrill Forbes said there was little chance for ultra luxury Trump hotel in a Sanctuary City either, not that Cincinnati was actually being seriously considered after all those votes for Hillary in Totally Blue Hamilton County last November.  

In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders said Republican Chairman Jane Timken announced Max Docksey as the new Political Director for the state party. Word is, that guy’s another one of Reince Priebus’s Step-and-Fetch Its, so Trump can control the state party from the White House. 

Meanwhile, Ohio’s Delusional Republican Governor John Kasich made another appearance on FAKE NEWS CNN’s “State of the Union” Sunday morning. He told fill-in host Dana Bash that it’s up to President Donald Trump to reach out to “constructive” DemocRATS to put the pieces back together on a compromise ObamaCare fix. Kasich was also headed to Washington D.C. to meet with “some constructive members.”

Also in Columbus, Ohio TEA Party Guy Tom Zawistowski had reacted to the US House cancelling the vote on House Speaker Paul Ryan’s proposed Health Care Repeal and Replacement Bill that failed to focus on the needs of the American people instead of on the needs of the K-Street lobbyists and Washington insiders. TEA Party Conservatives had only worked for seven years for the opportunity to restore a vibrant, competitive, private sector health insurance market place that would provide affordable insurance, improve patient care, and lower the cost of providing quality health care to all Americans.

#Resist: Cincinnati had some meaningless meetings scheduled like that Pink Out For Portman sponsored by the Baby Killers at Planned Parenthood and an Eastside Invisible Meeting featuring a lady who claims she’s considering a run against Ohio Second District Congressman Podiatrist/ Colonel “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup in 2018. The most meaningless was probably that League of Women Vipers Health Care Town Hall at the Anderson Senior Center.

People were also talking about that Able-bodied Fire Fighter, who’d been recently promoted at a Suburban Fire Department, and was fired for some accounting irregularities, along with some missing Green from the part-time Fire Fighter Fund. So far, nobody has guessed which Suburban Fire Department that was.

Monday we saw the first reference of “Edited Fake News,” after Sean Hannity Ted Koppel told Sean Hannity he was “Bad for America” on CBS, and Our Garrulous Grammarian is trying to come up with the exact definition for that new catch phrase.

And with all that going on, it’s no wonder Our Aging Attorney Acquaintance, who was Still Searching For His Lost Youth And Vigor On Spring Break last week, is headed back to the beaches of South Florida to ogle a few more major yabbos.  

“So much for March Madness,” said Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall, “since NKU, Cincinnati, Xavier, and Kentucky had all been eliminated. We may not have gotten to the Final Four, but Cincinnati is now the number one seed for Mass Shootings in 2017.”