WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2015
To See If Your Next Door Neighbor Is Among Them
Each week when Soreheads in the Suburbs read their Community Newspapers (it sure in hell isn’t for the in-depth political news reporting), two of their favoritest sections are the Real Estate News (so you can see how much your neighbor got when he sold his house) and the Police Reports (so you can see if your neighbor was arrested for kiddie porn).
But now in Always Alert Anderson Township, Trustee President “In Russ We Trust” Jackson says White, God-fearing Andersonians can also use their computers, iPads, and cell phones to search their neighborhoods for crime information and view nearby offense activity broken into specific criminal categories, such as: Homicide, Attempted Homicide, Death Investigations, Sexual Assault, Sexual Offense – Other, Robbery – Commercial, Robbery – Individual, Aggravated Assault, Assault – Other, Burglary – Commercial, Burglary – Residential, Theft, Fraud, Shoplifting, Theft – Other, Motor Vehicle Theft, Burglary from Motor Vehicle, Arson, DUI, Alcohol Violation, Drugs / Narcotics Violation, Disorderly Conduct, Traffic Incidents, Vandalism, Weapons Violation, All Other – Non-Criminal, and All Other – Criminal.
Corporal Dave Boiman of the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office District 5 says Anderson Township’s District 5 substation was the first substation to embrace the new technology in the Sheriff’s Office. “We’ve had a lot of residents and businesses ask us about doing crime mapping,” Boiman said, “And with RAIDS Online, we’ve found a free, useful tool that benefits residents, businesses, officers and administrative supervisors.” Through data supplied by public crime maps, patrol officers on their beats can better pinpoint township “hotspots” and increase their patrol efforts to engage those problems.
“RAIDS Online is a tool to empower the public,” Boiman explained. It allows citizens to make better decisions about crime “by putting technology already used by law enforcement for analyization and crime activity interpretation into the hands of the public.” (You can see crimes in other areas too by adjusting the scale of the map.)
The program can be accessed at RAIDS Online, or through AndersonTownship.org (under the Sheriff’s Department). Users can also view locations of convicted sex offenders supplied to RAIDS Online by Watch Systems. Additional information includes listings of assault, theft, fraud, vandalism and curfew violations. Boiman noted that RAIDS Online also has a mobile app available for the public’s convenience. Additionally, users can submit information anonymously through the Greater Cincinnati/ Northern Kentucky Crime Stoppers program.
Some of the types of people you’ll see reported are rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, horn-swagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank-robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists.
Anderson Trustee Andy Pappas says fortunately being accused of stealing political yard signs on Facebook does not have its own category, and those offenses of which certain local candidates have been accused are probably included with “All Other—Criminal” offenses. Disgraced former Township Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien says he’s glad “Masturbating in the front seat of a Wellborne woman’s car” does not have its own category, too.
