FRIDAY, April 21, 2017

Getting Lucky in Kentucky

Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says although Tax Freedom Day will arrive for the country as a whole on April 23, Tax Freedom Day showed up in Kentucky a whole ten days ago on April 11, because according to our friends at The Tax Foundation, Tax Freedom Day in CamBooLand was the day our Persons of Consequence in the Bluegrass  stopped working exclusively for the government, because every dollar they’d earned so far this year would’ve theoretically gone to pay all of their federal, state, and local taxes for 2017.

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Franklin P. Adams’ “Count the day won when, turning on its axis, this earth imposes no additional taxes.”  And many people remember when FDR said “Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.”

THE CAMBOOZLER says Tax Freedom Day comes to Kentucky nearly two weeks before “Tax Freedom Day” in America on April 23 (only the 113th day of the year) and more than a week before April 20, when over-taxed payers on the North Shore can begin working for themselves, since everybody knows state and local taxes are lower in Kentucky. Maybe that explains why so many folks besides Bungals bad boys and over-sexed MILFs prefer living in Kentucky, the land of fast women and beautiful horses. Which is why Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane will never forget that time he had a three-hour lunch at the Wok with Miss Vicki and Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie Whalen.

To find out tax rates for different states,  you can check that out HERE.

YOUR FRIENDS AT THE IRS say most people don’t have to keep their tax records for more than three years, but if we suspect you’re a tax cheat, we’ll make you produce every document from the day you were born.

MOISES, JULIO, ALFREDO, AND JOSE hope you didn’t forget to pay your taxes on Tuesday. Millions of criminal immigrants (Obama’s Undocumented Future DemocRAT Voters) are depending on you.

ANGRY OVER-TAXED PAYERS say until we have a simple flat tax without all that paperwork, over-paid members of Congress should be forced to fill out every one of their constituents’ tax forms for free.

TURBO-TAXERS ON A RANT say there should be no withholding. No phony “refunds.” If folks had to write really big checks on TAX DAY, people would actually know how much they’re paying.

TAX-AND-SPENDERS RUNNING FOR RE-ELECTION say it’s a good thing they don’t hold every election on TAX DAY.

RINO SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE PAUL RYAN says he doesn’t understand why President Trump thinks Tax Reform is so important.

WHISTLEBLOWER POLLSTER RON RASMUSSEN says “Here’s some good news: Forty-One percent (41%) of Likely U.S. Voters think the country is heading in the right direction (it ran in the mid- to upper 20s for much of 2016), so go ahead and send in your 1040s.

COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVES say “For all the taxes they take out of our paychecks, the least they could do is send us a picture of the ghetto family we’re supporting.”

OUR GOOD FRIEND KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS says, “After working on my taxes all weekend, I now have 1040 more reasons to hate the government.”

GOOF DOOFUS remembers when all his staffers had to work until midnight at his H&R Doofus offices to help all his constituents get their taxes done.

NATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH AND MICHAEL LIQUID PLUMMER wonder if the tax on booze is deductible.

ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS wants to know if he’s allowed to deduct all those fines he had to pay for filing frivolous lawsuits.

STEVE “I’M 5’0, NOT 4’11” MERGELE wonders why elevator shoes aren’t deductible.

PHYLLIS ON MADISON says, “Every year on April 15, I help Will “The Thrill “Terwort work on his extension.”

CLUELESS MARC WILSON wonders if Beano qualifies as a “deductible prescription.”

GEX “RHYMES WITH SEX” WILLIAMS asks if inflatable sheep can be considered an entertainment expense.

DILDO WORLD CEO PATTY BRISBEN tells her customers Batteries are Deductible!”

BLONDIE WHALEN says, “How about Clairol?”

VANILLA HILLS VIGILANTES wonder if Sticky Fingers ever declared his embezzlement income from the Civic Club.

UPTIGHT BITCHES IN FORT MITCHELL say, “You’ll never guess what we claimed as deductions.”

RICK “THE BATBOY” ROBINSON wonders if it was legal for him to deduct for all those lunches when he tried to bribe Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane to plug his book.

OUR FOUNDING FATHERS say, “By now you will have probably learned that taxation ‘with representation’ isn’t so hot either.

HORNY IN HEBRON says, “You still haven’t told us which one of our local TV morning news babes was absent that time, after sources said she was suspended for getting hammered on Opening Day, requiring the news director to take her home, and then she called in sick the next morning?”

JOEY VOTTO says “It’s hard to believe how much in taxes I pay on that $45,000 I get every time I come to the plate.”

TRISH THE DISH wants to know exactly when everybody’s taxes are due.

WCPO-TV HELICOPTER REPORTER DAN CARROLL (FORMERLY WITH TV 19) says, “Can you believe, I used to have to listen to that every day?”

Now Let’s All Sing The Tax Freedom Day Song

 Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially noted tax scofflaw Roger Ach.

         — Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

         Sometimes The Blower ridicules phony tax-fighters to show that pretending to fight taxes to make money is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who asking for donations every time they send out an e-mail.

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Citizens Opposed to Additional Spending and Taxes.

 Bluegrass Tax Freedom Day Hot Line

e-mail your celebratory commentary today.

Some tax free items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally tax free subscribers, but we could always use a lot more.

Whistleblower Video of the Day

Three Great Reasons to Pay Your Taxes (or Else)!

(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend, nearly noted author Mark Faust, who has certainly come a long way since he used to cut Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s grass as a teenager.)

   Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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