TODAY IS
THURSDAY, APRIL 11, 2018
Trump’s 811th Day In Office

And We Plan To Keep It Up For A Long, Long Time

At this morning’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the way Members Of The Liberal Media Conspiracy don’t appreciate the way so many Conservatives have been GLOATING NON-STOP ever since Attorney General William Barr confirmed his Justice Department will be reviewing the origins and the methods of investigations into then-candidate Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign. “I think spying on a political campaign is a big deal,” Barr said in testimony during a Senate Appropriations subcommittee’s hearing on the Trump administration’s fiscal 2020 budget proposal. “I think spying did occur,” Barr said.

“Actually, as any graduate of the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools can tell you, “GLOATING” is right there in the Declaration of Independence,” Kane added, because Thomas Jefferson wrote, “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of GLOATING.”

And even the Pledge of Allegiance says, “One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and GLOATING for all.”

Do you remember when Patrick Henry said, “Give me GLOATING or give me a death?”

Nathan Hale said, “I regret that I have but one Life to give for GLOATING.”

John Paul Jones said, “I have not yet begun to GLOATING.”

George Washington said, “I cannot tell a lie. It was only GLOATING that made me cut down the cherry tree.”

Samuel Adams said, “Someday they’ll name a beer after me, and when they do, I’ll be GLOATING.”

Daniel Webster said, “One country, one constitution, one destiny, and hours of GLOATING.”

At Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln said, “The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget our GLOATING.”

William Tecumseh Sherman said, “War is hell– without GLOATING.”

George Armstrong Custer said, “Where in the hell did all those GLOATING Indians come from?”

Woodrow Wilson said, “The world must be made safe for GLOATING.”

Will Rogers said, “I never met a GLOATER I didn’t like.”

General George S. Patton said, “No bastard ever won a war dying for his GLOATING. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for his GLOATING.”

FDR said, “We have nothing to fear but GLOATING itself.”

Douglas McArthur said, “I shall return– for GLOATING.”

Harry Truman said, “The GLOATING stops here.”

Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “I think that people want GLOATING so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.”

Albert Einstein said, “”The hardest thing in the world to understand is GLOATING.”

Sigmund Freud said, “Most of men’s problems can be traced to their subconscious feelings about GLOATING.”

John Kennedy said, “Ask not what you can do for your GLOATING.”

Neil Armstrong said, “A small step for man, one giant step for GLOATING.

Barry Goldwater said, “Extremism in the defense of GLOATING  is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of GLOATING is no virtue.”

Vince Lombardi said, “GLOATING isn’t everything.”

Ronald Reagan said, “My fellow Americans. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve signed legislation outlawing GLOATING in Russia. The bombing starts in five minutes.”

John Wayne said, “Sure Women have the right to work wherever they want, as long as they have your dinner ready when you get home along with a big helping of GLOATING for dessert.”

Rev. Martin Luther King said, “I had a dream about GLOATING.”

Bill Clinton lied when he said “I did not GLOAT about having sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”

Charlton Heston said, “Let my GLOATING go.”

At every patriotic rally, Lee Greenwood always sings, “God Bless GLOATING.”

George W. Bush said, “GLOATING Accomplished.”

Not to be outdone, Obama now still insists that only Mean-Spirited Republicans would ever GLOAT.

And Donald Trump says, “We’re making America GLOAT again.”