Sunday, January 4, 2015

The Whistleblower Week in Review 

• OUR NUMBER ONE WHISTLEBLOWER STORY THIS WEEK was on Monday in our Special “Hacked Web Page” E-dition, when The Blower said, “Our list of suspects is endless!”
• OUR NUMBER TWO WHISTLEBLOWER STORY THIS WEEK was on Tuesday in our Special “Rounding Up the Usual Suspects” E-dition, when The Blower said, “Your Most Likely Suspects Are Here!”

• OUR NUMBER THREE WHISTLEBLOWER STORY THIS WEEK was on Wednesday in our Special “Coming Back from the Attack” E-dition, when The Blower said, “You’re Nobody Till Somebody Hacks You!”

 [READ MORE HERE]

• THURSDAY (January 1) in our Official “National Hangover Day” E-dition, The Blower said, “And we’ll be suffering another 749 “Hangover Days” until Obama’s out of office!”

Bowling in the New Year

            It wasn’t even 8AM this morning before either of today’s College Football Playoff Semifinal Bowl Game had been played and the talking heads on Sports Center were already arguing about which college football team should be ranked number one in next year’s pre-season polls. No kidding. And you thought all that presidential campaign hype went on too long.  Speaking of which, Hawkeye Bureau Chief Jan Michelson says he can hardly wait until the Iowa Presidential Straw Poll on August 8 kicks off the 2016 Presidential Contest with some real votes, instead of all those bogus poll numbers.

The rest of us will have to continue our countdown of the 749 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.

[READ MORE HERE]

• FRIDAY, in our “Just Another Guest Column E-dition, The Blower explained, “But It’s Still the Same Old BS!”

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

           It’s none other than Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall, once called a “Go-getting anything-for-some-ink publicity man” who’s been hyping sports stories for at least as long as we’ve known him. Remember when Andy got his WLW Hate Radio co-host Cris Collinsworth, now an NBC NFL Analyst, to race a horse?  The Blower remembers in 1980 when Andy got fired as PR director for Monticello Raceway in New York for his Klu Klux Klan Night promotion. And of course, everybody remembers when FurBall got fired by WLW Hate Radio for accusing a racist Bungals player of calling him a “punk-ass white boy.”

Furball’s really had his nose out of joint ever since September 12, when Ken Broo got to be our Guest Editor.

Sometimes The Blower ridicules Sports Talk Show Hosts to show that obsession with sports when there are so many other important problems in the world is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t begging us to give him a weekly sports column in The Blower.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in ridiculing hypsters of all races, creeds, colors, and sexual perversions, is pleased to permit our old friend Andy FurBall, who never met an event he couldn’t hype, to be our College Football Playoff Guest Editor and choose three football-related items plus some football-related Quickies for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.  

[READ MORE HERE]

•   SATURDAY (January 3) in our Special “Resolutions Update” E-dition, The Blower said, “Is a New Year’s Resolution the same as a “Political Promise?”

Our New Year’s Resolution Is To Be Less Sarcastic!

            Last week, The Blower published the New Year Year’s Resolutions for some of our local celebrities. They were the real local celebrity New Year’s Resolutions, because any other local celebrity New Year’s resolutions you might have seen published elsewhere were surely fake. Now we know 2015 has hardly begun, but let’s take a look to see how some our resolvers are doing anyway, just for fun.

• JOHN BOEHNER hasn’t yet been voted out by Republicans as Speaker of the House after a new poll from Pat Caddell’s organization Caddell Associates showed Republican voters nationwide overwhelmingly want their House representative to elect somebody other than Boehner.
• OBAMA is trying not to get impeached during the next 748 days.

[READ MORE HERE]

The Libtard Show

  Libtard n. Combination of “liberal” and “retard,” or people who, intoxicated by being knowlegable and right about politics and economics, forget that they need to get actual real ordinary people to support them if their agenda is to be advanced. Often but not always rich, well meaning and with good insight to society’s problems, but naive about the mechanics of politics and utterly ignorant about how power actually works.

This Week’s Top Item On The Conservative Agenda

         Saturday, in our Special “New Year’s Resolutions Update” E-dition,  The Blower reported a new poll from Pat Caddell’s organization Caddell Associates showed Republican voters nationwide overwhelmingly want their House representative to elect somebody other than John Boehner as Speaker of the House.

Later Breitbart reported Northern Kentucky Congressman Thomas Massie had issued a statement on Saturday detailing why he’s going to vote against House Speaker John Boehner’s re-election on Tuesday. Massie, who’s entering his second term as a member from Kentucky, now becomes the second Republican House member announcing the coming rebellion against Boehner. Massie joined Oklahoma Congressman Jim Bridenstine in the fight for fresh leadership, and in his statement he detailed how Boehner and his leadership actually have misled members of the House GOP conference and Texas Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert said Sunday that he will also challenge House Speaker John Boehner for his post when Congress returns this week to Washington.

Locally, Real Republicans are still wondering if Ohio First District Congressman Steve Chabothead ever sent The Blower those Republican Talking Points explaining why he and Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup rubber-stamped RINO Speaker of the House John Boehner’s $1.1 Trillion “cromnibus bill” that contained provisions designed to eliminate the TEA Party as a viable threat.

•  Other current items on The Conservative Agenda will just have to wait, including: Obama’s Leadership, The Clinton Legacy, Other Dishonest Democrats, Obama’s Secret Service, Biden’s Blunders, Obama Supporters In The Press, Democrats In Disarray, Polling For Trolls, Veterans, Racial Healing, Amnesty For Future DemocRATS, Baby Killing, and Making Sure Not To Hurt The Feelings Of All Those Murdering Muslim Bastards: 
• Other Liberal Agenda Items will have to wait too, including: PC (If It’s Politically Correct, You Can’t Object), Tree Hugging, Keeping People From Smoking, Diversity Uber Alles, Unions Blues, Fanatical Feminists, Supporting Sodomy Rites, Global Warming: G-Uncontrol, Liberal Brainwashing In Schools, Voting Rights For People Who Are Too Stupid To Vote, Streetcars, Scalping the Washington Redskins, and Giving Away Free Stuff With Your Money.

TODAY’S “LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES” AWARD WINNER IS

          NYC Police Commissioner Bill Bratton, who was is worried his cops will turn their backs to his boss, Mayor Bill de Blasio, at another NYPD funeral that he sent out a memo to shame them into good behavior, sources told The NY Post.

“A hero’s funeral is about grieving, not grievance,” began the four-paragraph plea, which was read at precinct roll calls ahead of slain Officer Wenjian Liu’s Sunday service.

But on Sunday, Police officers in New York defied calls not to stage a protest at the funeral of a slain comrade, pointedly turning their backs as Mayor Bill de Blasio paid tribute to the murdered patrolman.

And Weasel Zippers said NYPD Internal Affairs Dept will be scouring social media (and the scene itself) trying write down badge numbers of anyone turning their backs. So WZs went ahead and blurred their badges and faces.

The Feck Stops Here

         METRO MOLE says this week, folks at The Fishwrap moved Race-Baiting to the back of the bus, and beat their drum to validate the homosexual life style one more time. Have you ever seen so much Hypocrisy in the Press?

Because, when a 6’6″ black yoof with a violent rap sheet is shot by police, the concerns of the parents, are all that matter for their perfect little boy. However, when any child even hints at being gay – for attention or otherwise – the parent’s wishes be damned!  While the parents of a young MALE, were reticent about saying much to the press, it didn’t stop the gay-advocating Iditorial board at The Fishwrap long to castigate the parents and society! 

Not only do the parent’s concerns go out the window – the child is referred to by The Fishwrap repeatedly as “she” – even though he was a biological male, obviously struggling with his masculinity.  It’s a guarantee that when Iditiorial boards fan the flames of teen homosexuality the difficulties of adolescents will be fanned into more “confused” deaths, more parents will grieve, and more papers will be sold, just like whenever our Feckless Fishwrappers attempt to “justify” the acts of the shameful and herald the efforts of the shameful.  Go ahead, Fishwrap, keep lining your pockets while pushing an agenda that drives dollars into your pockets – your hypocrisy has not gone unnoticed!  

Because, The Blower remembers what our Favorite Fishwrappers always say:  It’s not Baseball, Mom, or Apple Pie that have always made our area great, it’s our “Diversity.” 

 Bungals Playoff Post-Game Analysis

After a dozen years without a playoff victory, Marvin Lewis now has six straight playoff losses, and in the history of the NFL, no coach has ever received a seventh shot at a first win. 

 More Politics Unusual

• OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKE-WATCHER liked David Letterman’s “President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they’re gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope.”
• LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 360 is to ask a Liberal what’s the difference between DemocRATS in Congress and a group of drunken sailors. Answer: About a trillion dollars. 
• GOING GALT: The phrase “Going Galt” doesn’t simply mean getting angry. “Going Galt” means recognizing that you’re being punished not for your vices but for your virtues.
• THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says signs suggest the U.S. economy is finally gaining some traction after 2008’s Wall Street meltdown and the bursting of the housing bubble. Consumer and investor confidence steadily climbed during the month of December to levels close to their highs for the year. Still, just 30% of Likely U.S. Voters think the country is heading in the right direction. But this is the first time this weekly finding has crept out of the 20s in several months.[READ MORE HERE] 
• THIS WEEK IN PATRONAGE COUNTY, Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as our brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County. This week’s column titled “So Now You Know,” told how all of the “wild card” teams have been selected, and how the Bungals would enjoy the “home field advantage” as long as they’re in the playoffs. But that op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 23, 1981, not this year.
• HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1995, the 104th Congress became the first held entirely under Republican control since the Eisenhower era. Thanks to Newt Gingrich and his “Contract with America,” the Republican Party won majority control of Congress for the first time in forty years. These days, everybody’s waiting to see if Weeper of the House John Boehner survives Tuesday’s vote before he caves in to Obama and the Dishonest DemocRATS on the next budget battle again.
• MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose the Newtster’s “I think one of the great problems we have in the Republican Party is that we don’t encourage you to be nasty. We encourage you to be neat, obedient, loyal and faithful and all those Boy Scout words, which would be great around a campfire but are lousy in politics.”
• MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Today, Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, is wangling for an invitation to Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Surprise Birthday Party, which is probably why he included it in his “Erotic Birthday Greetings,” available at better sticky-pages bookstores everywhere.

Birthday Greetings From a Grouch
I hear you’re having a birthday,
But I know not which one.
I do know that, however,
You’re too old to have any fun.
Tho once your hopes were high,
You’re now forced to aim them lower.
All you can do is sit on your ass,
And write that damned Whistleblower.

Note: Mrs. Kane enthusiastically assisted in the preparation of the last line in this poem.

• THE MUCK STOPS HERE: During election season, one of the most common refrains to bring a reluctant party faithful to the polls is “the most important vote that will be cast is the first one for Speaker.” And this week, The Speaker election along with all of the other House leadership elections will be determinative for the next two years, because they can’t easily be undone. So, when Republican members of Congress come back to D.C. next week and are sworn in, they make their first and most important vote. That’s why Real Republicans in the Tri-state are still wondering if our two Republican Congressmen from Southwestern Ohio will follow Northern Kentucky Republican Congressman Thomas Massie’s lead NOT to re-elect John Boehner. Ohio First District Congressman Steve Chabothead never did sent The Blower those Republican Talking Points explaining why he and Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup rubber-stamped RINO Speaker of the House John Boehner’s $1.1 Trillion “cromnibus bill” that contained provisions designed to eliminate the TEA Party as a viable threat. Do you think House Republicans could vote for Newt again? How much fun would that be?
• SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL:  Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.

This week, let’s all re-read “Mikey Brown Story.”

• WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says according to Market Watch, — U.S. stocks closed roughly where they started in 2015’s first day of trading, after giving back gains following disappointing reports on U.S. manufacturing and construction. The three main indexes went on to erase the bulk of their losses in the last half-hour of trading Friday but ended down for the holiday-shortened week and snapped two-week winning streaks.
• THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone willing to help himself from the stores of others. In Park Hills, Kentucky, residents contacted Detective Sgt. Richard Webster about two juveniles who were located inside the residence they broke into looking for more free stuff during the Age of Obama.

Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.

Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice.

• FINALLY AT SATURDAY’S MEETING OF CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were definitely not asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about his Surprise Birthday Party on Wednesday, because he’s not supposed to know about.

The reason it wasn’t a surprise last year was when the Whistlblower interns put up all those banners and decorations a week early. And the large sign in the front yard was a dead giveaway, too.

THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL

Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.

SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE

e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.

AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:

• Monday (January 5) The Blower will be Annual our Significant Birthdays E-dition, and we’ll be interviewing all those celebrities who’ve already RSVPed to attend our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Surprise Birthday Party, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 745 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term unless he’s impeached.
• Tuesday (January 6) we’ll be watching to see if RINO “Weeper of the House” John Boehner survives the vote, and our Real Subscribers will be suggesting TEA Party Approved replacements in their Real E-Mails.
•  Wednesday (January 7) is the date of CFK’s Big Surprise Birthday Party, and let’s hope they don’t run out of candles again this year.
• Thursday (January 8) we’ll be checking to see if our long-awaited Hamilton County Property Tax Bill has finally arrived. 
• The first line of Friday’s (January 9) limerick is: “So what should Conservatives do now?”
•  And Saturday (January 10) we’ll checking to see if John Boehner has caved into Obama and the Dishonest DemocRATS on the Budget, providing he survives the Speaker’s vote earlier in the week.

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially David A. Pepper, who was elected to be the Ohio DemocRATS’ new chairman on Tuesday so the D-RATS can continue their losing ways after a year of political missteps and devastating losses.  Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us one example.

WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE

e-mail your revolutionary recaps today

Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 

 Whistleblower Video of the Day

Gohmert Announces Run for Speaker of the House

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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