WEDNESDAY, JULY 5, 2017
Real Tweets from Real Twits
If you want to see how far this nation has devolved following the “Age of Obama,” just look at the twaddle people are Tweeting to each other these days. —Stunned Sociologists
We’re all Tweeting more but actually communicating less. — Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19
My Tweets exposing Fake News are now America’s Favorite News Medium. —Your Tweeter-in-Chief
Look what happened when we started sending each other e-mails. —Lazy Letter Writers
And just look at how Tweets are replacing meaningful dialogue. —Gifted Conversationalists
You won’t believe how many “Friends” we have. —The Whistleblower Faux FaceBook Page
Tweets make our jobs easier. —English Teachers and Grammarians
Remember when we used to spend hours each day writing letters? —Lonely Lovers
These days, we have couples text each other to express their true feelings. —Marriage Counselors
The so-called social media doesn’t make people more sociable. —Divorce Attorneys
Twitter makes it easy for people to spread rumors and lies. —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
Twitter makes it easy to spew “Hate Speech” too. —Networking Nazis
Just think how we create havoc with Twitter. —Irresponsible Celebrities
Social contact enables people with dementia to maintain their level of functioning longer. —Recognized Researchers
When we were teenagers, we actually spent hours every day talking to each other on the phone. —Geezer Citizens, Trying to Remember How It Used To Be
The best part about getting all those Tweets at the newspaper is they don’t take long to read. —Lazy Reporters
And printing somebody’s Tweet is easier than getting a real quote. —Furloughed Fishwrappers
Why do you think they keep firing our lazy reporters? —Metro Mole
Using Twitter, somebody wouldn’t have to call all those press conferences to get his name in the papers. —“JayWalking Joe” Deters
I thought that’s why Joe Deters hired me. —Julie Wilson, The JayWalker’s Mouthpiece
Sending out Tweets makes it easy to keep the media interested in your vice presidential campaign. —Rob “Fighting for Facebook” Portman
Twitter makes it easy to stay in touch when you’re out of sight. —“Junketing Jean” Schmidt
Twitter should’ve made it easy for me to wish everybody an approved “Happy Independence Day,” instead of that inappropriate “Fourth of July” e-mail I sent out.” —Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
WithTwitter, a Congressman wouldn’t even need a press secretary. —“Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup
We could hardly wait to Twitter in the Streetcar. —Misguided Meterosexuals
Is my Trolley Folly still on budget? —Twittering Mark Mallory
Disgruntled followers can Tweet you anonymously. —Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka
When inmates walk away from work details at the Kenton County Escape Center, they can always send us a Tweet to let us know they’re OK. —“Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
You know you’re addicted to Twitter if you’ve already checked your Twitter account three times before finishing this E-dition of The Blower. —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
You know you’re addicted to Twitter if you instantly tweet about everything you do, and you no longer see the point of confessing in church.—Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
You know you’re addicted to Twitter if You know where the Twitterers Twanonymous 12-step meetings are held and regularly attend. —Horny in Hebron
Can you raise a lot of money for your re-election campaign on Twitter by telling donors to donate personally and as an LLC? —Diminutive DemocRAT Cincinnati Mayor John Cranley
Did anybody see my latest Tweet?—Non-Attorney Spokesperson Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
We couldn’t stop Tweeting during the Really Gay Fourth of July Day Parade in Northside. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
Who started this Twitter madness anyhow? —Hurley the Historian
Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to Tweet free. —Your Quote for Today Committee
When somebody compares your newscast to a Twitter message, is that a compliment? —Trish the Dish at TV 19
You won’t believe how much all those suckers are willing to pay for cell phones and wireless service. — AT&T, Verizon, Sprint Nextel, and T-Mobile
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Disgraced DemocRAT Former Congressman Anthony Weiner, a Twitter Twit, if ever we saw one.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—
Sometimes The Blower ridicules Twitterers to show that Time-wasting Tweeting is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t reading this message on his cell phone.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Faux FaceBook Friends.
TWITTERING TWITS HOTLINE
e-mail your Terrible Tweets today.
Some social networking items in today’s Blower were sent in by our social networking subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER TWITTER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Code Class at Twitter!
(Sent in By Twitter Founders Evan Williams, Noah Glass, Jack Dorsey, and Biz Stone.)
Note: We guarantee IPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
