TODAY IS
FRIDAY, MAY 29, 2020
TRUMP’S 1225TH DAY IN OFFICE
AND EX-CINCINATI POLICE CHIEF JAMES CRAIG TOLD TUCKER CARLSON “IF YOU WANT TO BE PART OF CHANGE, BE PART OF THE INSTITUTION.”

TOO BAD ALL THOSE LOOTER-WANNABEES IN CINCINNATI WEREN’T LISTENING.
WHAT THE HELL IS “VIRTUAL DINING” ANYWAY?
This week, everybody who is still waiting for the Distaste of Cincinnati folks to announce a new date for their 2020 Event, was holding off sending an e-mailing an entry to this week’s Whistleblower Limerick Contest. The festival had previously been moved to July 3-5 weekend, postponed from its Memorial Day weekend date.

All except Perturbed In Park Hills, who must not watch a lot of TV news, since was he was unaware something as Iconic as The Annual Distaste of Cincinnati event wouldn’t be able to operate within Governor Mike’s and Dr. Amy’s safe distancing guidelines, so he sent in his over-stuffed sonnet anyway.

The winner is, not surprisingly, Perturbed in Park Hills, who’ll be receiving rain checks for all those great food items we normally give away for Distaste of Cincinnati prizes. Perturbed will, however, be receiving The Blower’s traditional year’s supply of Beano, which he can use for calculating safe distancing, since if you can smell the stink when somebody passes gas, you’re too close. His winning entry is:

Each Year At The Taste Of The Natti
It’s difficult to be called “fatty.”

That’s because the portions are so small
They hardly stick to your ribs at all.

But this year there’s even less sticking,
‘Cause it’s all just pointing and clicking.

The Kung Flu Corona Scam-demic,
With its hysteria systemic,

Has created a virtual ghost,
So all social gatherings are toast.

What if face masks had a female scent?
That could be one way we’d circumvent

The Bill Gates mouthpieces in lab coats:
We could pretend we’re sowing wild oats.

What’ll it be, Channel Number 5?
Something to arouse male sex drive?

Six feet apart means make-believe sex:
With scented masks and lots of latex.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Next Riot, I’d Rather Be Looting”