FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2017

Checking the O-Meter

According to The Blower’s Orgasm Reporter, Cliticia von Climax, yesterday was World Orgasm for Peace Day, and at today meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, if there would be maximum participation across the nation, although it probably wouldn’t be an entirely pleasurable experience for everyone involved. For example…

BARRACK OBAMA, whose wife Michelle beat the hell out of him after she read that National Enquirer story about Obama’s Secret Love Nest, won’t have an orgasm during of length of the new Special Counsel’s Uranium One Investigation.

JOE BIDEN, who says he’s sorry he can no longer help Obama screw over the entire country, didn’t have an orgasm.

ESTABLISHMENT REPUBLICANS, who saw their power and prestige evaporate when Donald Trump got elected, didn’t have an orgasm.

POLLSTERS, who couldn’t get it right during the 2016 presidential election and aren’t doing a whole lot better these days, didn’t have an orgasm.

WINNERS OF “LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES” AWARD, who are still too busy covering up, didn’t have an orgasm.

PAUL RYNO, who doesn’t appear to be still under an all-out attack from what’s left of the TEA Party for giving Obama everything he wanted, didn’t have an orgasm.

“BRONZE STAR BRAD” WENSTRUP, who’s still upset for that time sure people knew about it, didn’t have an orgasm.

STEVE CHABOTHEAD, who thanked The Blower for at least remembering he was one of Slick Willie’s Impeachment Managers, won’t have an orgasm.

“MEAN JEAN” SCHMIDT, who’s wondering how many people plan to show up at her Christmas Party on Christmas Day just to hear about her plans to return to politics, didn’t have an orgasm.

ROB “FIGHTING FOR SAME-SEX MARRIAGE” PORTMAN, who says “I really didn’t want to be John Kasich’s running mate,” didn’t have an orgasm.

DAVID A. PEPPER, who plans to show all those other Dishonest DemocRATS in Ohio how to continue their losing ways in 2017, didn’t have an orgasm.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN, who says according to the History Channel, on yesterday’s date in 1970, rock star Elvis Presley was greeted at the White House by President Richard M. Nixon and amazingly, it wasn’t even an election year, didn’t have an orgasm. Richard M. Nixon and amazingly, it wasn’t even an election year, didn’t have an orgasm.

FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS, who were totally discredited during the 2016 Presidential Campaign as members of the Liberal Propaganda Media, didn’t have an orgasm.

INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER JIM MCNAIR (who used to be at the Kentucky Center for Investigative Reporting and is now turning over rocks at CityBeat), who scooped The Blower on that story about the Hamilton County magistrate fired for “inappropriate” contact with a woman who had a domestic violence complaint pending in the court, didn’t have an orgasm.

*NOTE: Neither did the woman who filed the complaint.

DIMINUTIVE DEMOCRAT MAYOR JOHN CRANLEY, who says he didn’t have to run the same kind of attack ads against Yvette Simpson as he did against Foxy Roxy, didn’t have an orgasm.

VICE MAYOR DAVID MANN, who says he gets more publicity from The Blower’s “Those Were The Good Old Days” E-ditions than he does in The Fishwrap, didn’t have an orgasm.

P.G.SITT-N-SPIN, who is hoping everbody forgets how he totally embarrassed himself during his failed U.S. Senate campaign, didn’t have an orgasm.

CLOWNCILMAN KEVIN FLYNN-FLAM, who wisely decided not to run for re-election, won’t have an orgasm.

CLOWNCILMAN SMLP SMITHERMOUTH, who says “The problem with some politicians these days is after they’ve been bought, they don’t stay bought,” didn’t have an orgasm.

CLOWNCIL GAY CHRIS SQUEALBACK, says, “You know you’re having great sex when you know you won’t be able to sit down afterwards,” didn’t have an orgasm.

HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY BOSS ALEX T., MALL COP GOP, who says “See what happens when you don’t have any decent Republican candidates to run for County Commissioner,” didn’t have an orgasm.

HAMILTON COUNTY DEMO-LABOR PARTY BOSS TIM BURKA, who says that time he questioned “JayWalking Joe” Deters about his address was “Not Political,” didn’t have an orgasm.

DEMOCRAT HAMILTON COUNTY COMMISSIONER ODD TODD OPPORTUNE, who says, “I didn’t have to put up a single yard sign and I still won,” didn’t have an orgasm.

CONVICTED BUT NOT YET INCARCERATED DEMOCRAT EX-JUVIE JUDGE TRACI HUNTER, who says the case against her was a “political takedown” orchestrated by the county’s Republican party, didn’t have an orgasm.

DOWNTOWN PANHANDLERS, who say, “We like riding around in a nice warm streetcar where we can masturbate during the winter,” didn’t have an orgasm.

APATHETIC HAMILTON COUNTY VOTERS, who still have exactly the kind of government they deserve, didn’t have an orgasm.

COAST’S LITIGIOUS LAWYER CHRIS FINNEY, who says “People really liked paying for their own food and drinks at my Chintzy Christmas Party,” didn’t have an orgasm.

HAMILTON COUNTY’S DISINGENUOUS DOUBLE-DIPPING DEMOCRAT AUDITOR, who says, “Wait till you see the screwing you got when you read the “New Property Values” I just made up for your house, didn’t have an orgasm.

OUSTED ANDERSON TRUSTEE “IN RUSS WE TRUST” JACKSON, who says “The Blower was right when we said ‘All bad things must come to an end, but there are now only 683 days till Dee Day in 2019,” didn’t have an orgasm.

ANDERSON TOWNSHIP TRUSTEE JOSH GERTH AND ANDERSON TEA PARTY GUY ANDY PAPPAS, who were thankful voters forgave them for selling them out on the School Tax Hike Scam, didn’t have an orgasm.

CLERMONT COUNTY REPUBLICANS, who remember when they rescinded their endorsement of Podiatrist/ Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, didn’t have an orgasm.

TEA PARTY PATRIOTS, who are now questioning the wisdom of allowing themselves to be absorbed by their local RINO Parties, didn’t have an orgasm.

FORMER STATE REP-TILE PETER “THE BEST LEGISLATOR MONEY COULD BUY” $TAUTBERG, who hasn’t had an orgasm ever since he lost that primary to “Taxkiller Tom” Brinkman even though Alex T. made him a judge, didn’t have an orgasm

BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO, who says “World Orgasm for Peace Day” should be a real holiday, since nobody got any work done anyway, didn’t have an orgasm.

OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE, who chose Mae West’s “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away,” didn’t have an orgasm.

KENTUCKY SENATOR RAND PAUL, who says it’s time to investigate high ranking Obama government officials who might have colluded to prevent the election of @realDonaldTrump!, didn’t have an organism.

ALISON WONDERGAMS GRIMES, who says she’s damn lucky she squeaked by when she edged out Republican businessman Steve Knipper to retain her seat as Secretary of State, didn’t have an orgasm.

KENTUCKY U.S. SENATOR BITCH MCCONNELL, who promises to be “Really Conservative” now that Donald Trump is president, didn’t have an orgasm.

BLUEGRASS GOVERNOR MATT BEVIN, “Did you see where Trump had to give McConnell’s wife a job,” didn’t have an orgasm.

RICK “THE BATBOY” ROBINSON, who promised to call us to sing Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song Saturday night on the First Night of Hanukkah,” didn’t have an orgasm.

NATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH, who can’t wait till Hillary announces she’ll be running for president IN 2020 so he can start raising money for her campaign, didn’t have an orgasm.

THAT CABAL OF NOKY ATTORNEYS STILL OUT TO DESTROY ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS FOR FILING FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS (INCLUDING LOVELY LISA WELLS THE ATTORNEY WHO REPLACED CRAZY ERIC ON WLW HATE RADIO), who wonder what in the hell a non-attorney spokesperson is, didn’t have an orgasm.

DISBARRED GREEDY HEARSE-CHASING, DISGRACED DEMOCRAT, CLINTON-LOVING, FEN-PHEN SCANDAL PLAGUED, NOT-YET-INDICTED TRIAL ATTORNEY $TAN CHE$LEY, who’s been fending off a $25 million civil judgment for the last three years and knows he could still be arrested in Kentucky, didn’t have an orgasm.

OUR GOOD FRIEND, KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS, who says people depicted in his newsletter didn’t have orgasms unless it’s really dark, didn’t have an orgasm.

”TRISH THE DISH,” who wonders if you’re supposed to have Orgasms to celebrate the Summer Solstice too, didn’t have an orgasm.

FINALLY, BELOVED WHISTLEBLOWER PUBLISHER CHARLES FOSTER KANE, who says “When my doctor told me I had to give up half my sex life and I said which half, dreaming about it or talking about it,” didn’t have an orgasm.

REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it. More Conservative Christmas Cartoons

WORLD ORGASM FOR PEACE HOT LINE

e-mail your blow-by-blow report

Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEOS OF THE DAY

GLOBAL ORGASM FOR PEACE DAY

Adam Gabbatt takes to New York City’s Union Square to find out how people are commemorating an unusually tingly holiday. Created by a former kindergarten teacher and a retired psychiatrist, Global Orgasm for Peace Day encourages people to focus their ‘thoughts before, during, and after orgasm on peace and loving-kindness’

Plus Cruz Christmas Classics

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.