TODAY IS
FRIDAY, MARCH 22, 2019
Trump’s 791st Day In Office

BJ Blasphemies

This week, everybody who thinks Catholics really got a break this year because BB&BJ Day didn’t arrive on Good Friday, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Clyde, a Catholic in a Confessional from Campbell County, who says “I can’t see going to Hell for “Beer or Beef,” but I’d spend eternal damnation there for a “BJ.”

Clyde wins a big juicy steak from Outback, a case of Budweiser, and an ample supply of Viagra, just to help him make it through the night. His winning limerick is:

This year on BB&BJ Day
Will you have a two-, three- or four-way?
The standard drive-through menu
Doesn’t include a Hibernian venue
So you might have to settle for going halfway.

This year on BB&BJ Day
It’s the day for which all year I pray.
But if my gift she forgets,
And expresses regrets,
I’ll tell her it’s the one gift for which I’d gladly pay.

This year on BB&BJ Day
When lusty lads look for lassies to play.
But on the rainbow streets of Northside,
Where Phil M. and Ben D. doth hide,
It’s the annual equinox if you’re gay!

Perturbed In Park Hills Sent In This Nocturnal Submission
This year on BB&BJ Day,
For beer and some beef, try a buffet.

But if BJs are not on the menu,
You might want to try another venue.

There’s always a house of ill-repute:
Congress…CNN…(the point is moot).

But if you can’t get no satisfaction,
Go home and stop foraging for action.

Don’t let self-pity chill your cheer:
Think like Mike Brown: “Wait ’til next year!”

Here’s a Dishonorable Mention from Heywood Jablome
At last it’s BB & BJ Day
I’m so happy I don’t know what to say
Should I have a beer AND a BJ?
And how much should I pay?
And can I finish it off with a lay?

No tears, no sadness, no strife
I’ve waited for this all my life
What better could follow?
(Do you think she will swallow?)
And please, pals, do NOT tell my wife.

Bobby Leach says this is vile-and-disgusting
This year on BB&BJ day
I told my girlfriend I want it my way.
She said “Don’t think you’ll get lucky,
‘Cause I don’t do sucky,
Maybe you can buy some on E-bay.”

This year on BB&BJ Day
I’ll be so happy, what will I say!
I get to eat steak
And all the beer I can take,
But as for the last one, my wife says “NO WAY!”

E Rob Sanders denies he sent this in
This year on BB&BJ Day
I hope a hummer is coming my way!
I’ve waited so long,
Wearing my sexiest thong,
Do you think she might think that I’m gay?

If fellatio is not on the menu,
I’ll search for a different venue.
I can still have a steak,
And a beer, if I get a break,
So the BB part will still come true.

Now here’s a few from the Anderson Laureate (who really got off on this week’s subject):
On Wednesday, it was BB & BJ Day,
I tried to celebrate it the right way.
But I had a fight with my wife
She came at me with a knife,
Need I say there was not any BJ?

So I got me a beer and drank it
I didn’t even have to thank it
My wife gave me grief,
So I ate my corned beef,
And I pulled out my pud to yank it.

She said I reminded her a lot
Of someone who’s a pervert and a sot
And she said “I ain’t lyin’,
You look like Trustee O’Brien!”
And so I spent the night on an old cot.

Next year I’ll try to be wiser
And in a nice way I’ll try to advise her
That men need some kindness
And jerkin’ off leads to blindness
So how ’bout a BJ? Don’t be a miser.

And This Year, Debra From Anderson Sent Us Her First (And Maybe Last) Limerick Submission:
This year on BB & BJ day
We ladies have something to say.
It’s Valentine’s revenge
You become quite unhinged.
You’re determined to have things your way.

So listen up chief,
If you don’t give us grief,
No constant complaining,
And stop the mansplaining
You’ll hear us say “Where’s the Beef?”

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“This month don’t forget Women’s History”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Our Good Friend Bobby Leach, who says on BB&BJ Day, “It’s always better to receive than to give.”