TODAY IS
FRIDAY, APRIL 26, 2019
Trump’s 826th Day In Office

Re-Distributing the Wealth

This week, everybody who’s wondering if the Reds will get their money’s worth for all those big salaries this year, e-mailed his entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather, who says, “Joey Votto only has two home runs, he’s batting a whopping .219, but the Reds still have to pay him $20 million this year.”

Farley wins a ride in Aroldis Chapman’s sports car, a long-distance Tweet from Billy Hamilton, and a shoplifting spree with Mike Leake. His winning limerick is:

Here’s what happened to the Reds this year:
Ol’ Toothpick has lost his magic, I fear.
Aside from Joey’s million-dollar at-bat$,
They play like they don’t give a rat’s.
These money-ballers spend too much time with the cashier.

Perturbed in Park Hills says
Here’s what happened to the Reds this year,
(Try not to dismiss them with a sneer):
They’re already in the cellar
‘Cause their bats just aren’t stellar
And their balls have yet to appear

And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still working on his taxes):
Here’s what happened to the Reds this year,
They may have to raise the price of a beer
This year Tanner Roark gets 10 mil
Do we have that much in the till?
We hope they get their asses in gear.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo”