TODAY IS
FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 2022
TRUMP’S FOUR-HUNDRED-AND-TWENTY-NINTH DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
With Still None Of Obama’s Political Perps In The Slammer

BJ Blasphemies

This week, everybody who thinks Catholics really got a break this year because BB&BJ Day didn’t arrive on Good Friday, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Clyde, a Catholic in a Confessional from Campbell County, who says “I can’t see going to Hell for “Beer or Beef,” but I’d spend eternal damnation there for a “BJ.”

Clyde wins a big juicy steak from Outback, a case of Budweiser, and an ample supply of Viagra, just to help him make it through the night. His winning limerick is:

This year on BB&BJ Day
Will you have a two-, three- or four-way?
The standard drive-through menu
Doesn’t include a Hibernian venue
So you might have to settle for going halfway.

This year on BB&BJ Day
It’s the day for which all year I pray.
But if my gift she forgets,
And expresses regrets,
I’ll tell her it’s the one gift for which I’d gladly pay.

This year on BB&BJ Day
When lusty lads look for lassies to play.
But on the rainbow streets of Northside,
Where Phil M. and Ben D. doth hide,
It’s the annual equinox if you’re gay!

Perturbed In Park Hills Sent In This Nocturnal Submission

This year on BB&BJ Day,
For beer and some beef, try a buffet.

But if BJs are not on the menu,
You might want to try another venue.

There’s always a house of ill-repute:
Congress…CNN…(the point is moot).

But if you can’t get no satisfaction,
Go home and stop foraging for action.

Don’t let self-pity chill your cheer:
Think like Mike Brown: “Wait ’til next year!”

Here’s a Dishonorable Mention from Heywood Jablome
At last it’s BB & BJ Day
I’m so happy I don’t know what to say
Should I have a beer AND a BJ?
And how much should I pay?
And can I finish it off with a lay?

No tears, no sadness, no strife
I’ve waited for this all my life
What better could follow?
(Do you think she will swallow?)
And please, pals, do NOT tell my wife.

Bobby Leach says this is vile-and-disgusting 
This year on BB&BJ day
I told my girlfriend I want it my way.
She said “Don’t think you’ll get lucky,
‘Cause I don’t do sucky,
Maybe you can buy some on E-bay.”

This year on BB&BJ Day
I’ll be so happy, what will I say!
I get to eat steak
And all the beer I can take,
But as for the last one, my wife says “NO WAY!”

E Rob Sanders denies he sent this in
This year on BB&BJ Day
I hope a hummer is coming my way!
I’ve waited so long,
Wearing my sexiest thong,
Do you think she might think that I’m gay?

If fellatio is not on the menu,
I’ll search for a different venue.
I can still have a steak,
And a beer, if I get a break,
So the BB part will still come true.

Now here’s a few from the Anderson Laureate (who really got off on this week’s subject):
On Wednesday, it was BB & BJ Day,
I tried to celebrate it the right way.
But I had a fight with my wife
She came at me with a knife,
Need I say there was not any BJ?

So I got me a beer and drank it
I didn’t even have to thank it
My wife gave me grief,
So I ate my corned beef,
And I pulled out my pud to yank it.

She said I reminded her a lot
Of someone who’s a pervert and a sot
And she said “I ain’t lyin’,
You look like Trustee O’Brien!”
And so I spent the night on an old cot.

Next year I’ll try to be wiser
And in a nice way I’ll try to advise her
That men need some kindness
And jerkin’ off leads to blindness
So how ’bout a BJ? Don’t be a miser.

And This Year, Andrew S. Pappas Sent Us His Latest Limerick Submission:
This year on BB & BJ day
We ladies have something to say.
It’s Valentine’s revenge
You become quite unhinged.
You’re determined to have things your way.

So listen up chief,
If you don’t give us grief,
No constant complaining,
And stop the mansplaining
You’ll hear us say “Where’s the Beef?”

Finally, Last Year Perturbed In Park Hills Sent In This Nocturnal Submission
This year on BB&BJ Day
You might be looking for a three-way.

But our National Emergency
Means “zip up your pants with urgency.”

Dip your wick in some sanitizer,
Or spray it with an atomizer.

Make sure she uses oral hygiene
Before starting a tube steak cuisine.

You don’t want your unit quarantined
And everything you own to be screened.

So for now give chastity a whirl
And don’t be such a lecherous churl.

Foreplay season returns soon enough
When all delights resume in the buff.

Last Year, It Was Even More Vile-And-Disgusting
This year on BB&BJ Day
Following Kamala Harris’ way,

(Who opened wide for slick Willie Brown
Until the news was all over town),

Let’s buy our spouses some thick kneepads
And demand relief for blue gonads.

Or, Monica could be our model –
The Pants-Dropper she liked to coddle.

But that stain on her dress isn’t jizz…
It depends on what you mean by “is.”

Why does “Willie” go with the word “slick?”
Their public image is complete schtick.

These clowns take office to serve their crotch
So their sex lives can move up a notch.

Executive priv’lege means you score
With whoever wants to be your whore.

The human mattress is now V.P.,
Waiting for Joke* to put out to sea.

Whose tube steak will be her latest lay
On this year’s BB&BJ Day?

But Now We Have This Year’s
This year on BB&BJ Day
Prices are controlled by the Beltway.
Beer and beef are going through the roof
And it’s all Russia’s fault, says the Goof-
In-Chief, as he sniffs little girls,
All of whom are too young to wear pearls.
“But are they too young to give BJs?”
Ask the pedophiles with their sick ways.
And Klaus Schwab says beef is a no-no.
Everyone with a fascist bio
Will be monitoring your diet:
Your hunger for beef they will quiet.
With bugs and seaweed on the menu,
What’s left but a good BJ venue?
Maybe you should look on Google maps,
Or the BJ wanted ads, perhaps.
If the BJ market really sucks,
It won’t matter if you’ve got big bucks.
Is your significant other home?
If she’s in the right mood, then why roam?

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“This month don’t forget Women’s History”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Our Good Friend Bobby Leach, who says on BB&BJ Day, “It’s always better to receive than to give.”