TODAY IS
MONDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2019
Best Illegitimate Impeachment Ever
Trump’s 1,067th Day In Office
Hanukkah Harry Came Last Night
This week, everybody who says if Hanukkah Harry can come for eight straight nights, he must really be on Viagra, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Sammy Schlepper, who says if you’re looking for something you would really like during the holidays, you should call Hanukkah Lewinsky, or just watch the Porn Channel on TV.
Sammy wins a big plate of greasy potato pancakes, just like Aunt Sophie used to make so he shouldn’t go hungry, but he shouldn’t eat till he plotzes; a gift certificate from Toys for Goys so he get some presents for the kiddalas, and a Yiddish dictionary so he can understand all the really funny words in a Mel Brooks movie. His winning limerick is:
The worst part of a Hanukkah rhyme
Is that you’re competing with other holiday time.
Kwanzaa, Ramadan, and others
Are favorites for all of da brothers
And if you ain’t inclusive, it’s a crime.
From Atheists in Amberley:
The Worst Part of a Hanukkah rhyme
Is you really haven’t the time
Though it’s eight days and nights
All you can think of is bites
Of potato latkes sublime.
The worst part of a Hanukkah rhyme,
To create a poem so sublime;
Is not being Jewish,
Or having a wife who is shrewish,
But finding a word that rhymes with dreidel.
The worst part of a Hanukkah rhyme,
It is such a long hill to climb
Whether serious or funny
Christmas cards make the money
A Chanukah verse ain’t worth a dime.
From Agnostics in Addyston:
The worst part of a Hanukkah rhyme
Is that it comes so close to Christmas time
Is it Christmas tree or Menorah?
Can’t do both because I’m poor-ah.
But at least I can say Merry Chrismas and l’chaim!
The worst part of a Hannukah rhyme
It’s recited at Gentile’s Christmas time!
The two are confusing
(Though admittedly amusing)
Do we say “Ho, Ho, Ho”, or “L’Chaim?”
And from the Anderson Laureate we have this Hallmark Reject:
The worst part of a Hanukkah rhyme
Is Hanukkah’s too close to Kwanzaa time
It’s so hard to choose
Between blacks and Jews
So I’ll just say “Yo, wassup” and “L’chaim”
Rhyming a poem can be tough
So be sure you try hard enough
If you still cannot do it
Don’t give up and say screw it
Adam Sandler can write one off the cuff.
He wrote a song for Hanukkah
And rhymed it with “gin-and-tonic-ah”
In his song he gave clues
About people who were Jews
And he finished it up with mara-juanic-ah
Finally, going from bad to diverse, we have Obama’s Hanukkah Movie
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