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“Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days Of Christmas

All twelve verses of “Mean Jean Schmidt’s” Twelve Days of Christmas” were sung on Christmas Day at “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Annual Holiday Party at Jack Casino, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman announced her plans to return to politics

The First Verse Of Mean Jean Schmidt’s Twelve Days Of Christmas” was in by the Ghost of “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann, who says, “Hamilton County would still be ‘Red’ if I were still alive.”

On the First Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

The Second Verse Of “Mean Jean Schmidt’s” Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by “Mean Jean’s” Eviler Twin Sister Jennifer Black, after “Mean Jean” was again featured on MTV’s “Awesomely Bad Celebrity Fashions.”

“On the Second Day of Christmas, ‘Mean Jean’ gave to me,
Two Red Dresses,
And one old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.”

The Third Verse Of “Mean Jean’s” Twelve Days of Christmas was sent in by “Mean Jean’s” former campaign Mangler, Joe “I Managed Scott Croswell’s Failed Campaign, Too” Braun, whose Strauss Troy law firm partners might’ve been celebrating this Christmas if they’d finally been paid for defending “Mean Jean” in Columbus before the Ohio Elections Commission several years ago.

On the Third Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Three Borgman cartoons,
Two red dresses,
And one old crapper, from Rob Portman’s legacy.

The Fourth Verse Of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman, who still claims he did not run down that “Bitch-in-a-Ditch” at the spot Union Township officials in Clermont County had erected a special sign for the occasion.

Instead, “TaxKiller Tom” is shown gleefully cutting “Mean Jean’s” head off a cake at the Marie Antoinette “Let ‘Em Eat Cake Awards.” It goes something like this:

On the Fourth Day of CHRISTmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman cartoons,
Two red dresses,
And one old crapper, from Rob Portman’s legacy.

The Fifth Verse Of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by Lt. Colonel Danny Bubp-kis, about whom “Mean Jean” lied on the floor of Congress and she wound up as a laughingstock on “Saturday Night Live.”

On the Fifth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

The Sixth Verse Of “Mean Jean Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by Clermont County Crony-in-Chief “Buffalo Dave” Uible, who said, “It never matters who wants our endorsement, since all the votes have already been counted.”

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

The Seventh Verse Of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by producers at “Saturday Night Live,” whose hilarious news parody made disgraced ex-Ohio Second District Congresswoman a laughingstock all across this great nation when Rachel Dratch played “Mean Jean.” It goes something like this:

On the Seventh Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

The Eighth Verse Of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by Dishonest DemocRAT Former (and maybe Future Speaker of the House) Nutty Nancy Pelosi, who remembers in 2008, “Thanks to ‘Mean Jean’ (whose winning percentage was the smallest in the nation), Hamilton County turned “Blue,” DemocRATS won the entire state of Ohio, and Obama became president of our multicultural United States.

On the Eighth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Eight Dems a Booing,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

The Ninth Verse Of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by Mean Jean’s Former Sister-in-Spending, Michelle Glass Slipper), who also betrayed her constituents by supporting more wasteful over-taxed payers’ spending on other local feel-good projects. It goes something like this:

On the Ninth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
Nine Bills o’ Spending,
Eight Dems a Booing,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

The Tenth Verse Of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by the guys at Republicans for Higher Taxes, who always applauded the way “Mean Jean” voted for every one of Boob Taft’s tax hikes.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
Ten Taxes Raising,
Nine Bills a Spending,
Eight Dems a Booing,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

The Eleventh Verse Of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by RINO Hunters of America.

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
Eleven RINOs charging
Ten Taxes Raising,
Nine Bills a Spending,
Eight Dems a Booing,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

Finally, The Twelfth Verse Of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas” was sent in by Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced-DemocRAT Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Totally Disbarred-But-Not-yet-Indicted Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley, whose fund-raiser for “Mean Jean” Schmidt in June 2008 foreshadowed the complete surrender of the RINOs on Walnut Street and the “Bluing of Hamilton County.” It goes something like this:

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
Twelve phony fund-raisers,
Eleven RINOs charging
Ten Taxes Raising,
Nine Bills a Spending,
Eight Dems a Booing,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

How do you like having your chestnuts roasted over an open fire a dozen times, Portman?