TODAY IS
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 18, 2018
Trump’s 636th Day In Office

Remembering the 2016 Presidential Campaign with only 19 more days till the most important Mid-Term Elections in American History, when The Blower reported what ordinary Americans thought about the 2016 Elections on the day after the third and final debate.  

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2016

What Ordinary Americans Think About This Year’s Crappy Elections

MAMA MARUSKA, RETIRED HOMEMAKER: How is anybody supposed to know which candidate to vote for until the Morning Fishwrap publishes its political endorsements telling everybody to vote for Hillary?

PORKY DORKMAN, STUDENT: My teacher (who belongs to an exempted union) says all Republicans are mean people who hate children, and if I don’t tell my parents to vote for Hillary, one dark night the sheriff will send his thugs to arrest me.  

MARLENE MANDIBLE, TOTALLY UNEMPLOYABLE: I’m still waiting for a tingle to run up my leg whenever I hear Hillary speak, just like Chris Matthews on PMSNBC.  

NORMA RASHID, FORMER TV5 ANCHORWOMAN: If Republican in Congress would only forget about repealing ObamaCare, I could just sit home alone waiting for you-know-who to call, except every time the phone rings it’s just another recorded message from Hillary telling me not to forget to send in another $3 for a chance to meet her at her Victory Party.

LINDA LIBEL, GOSSIP COLUMNIST: If The Blower would only forget about covering the political debates, maybe they could find more space to update some of my salacious scandals and coverage of the trial of that disgraced Anderson Township Trustee for masturbating in a Wellborn woman’s car after she gave him a ride home from a party. People would still like to know if he’s up to his old tricks.

JACK MEHOFF, USED SOLAR PANEL SALESMAN: I’m waiting to see how much I’ll be paid for my daily donations when Hillary is in charge.    

SUZIE SOCCERMOM, TEA PARTY PRINCESS: I just wish Sarah Palin were on the ticket again.

REVERUM CALHOUN, MINISTER: Who cares how many white pastors defied the IRS on Pulpit Freedom Sunday when they preached politics from their platforms. I’m just waiting for Dishonest DemocRATS to pay me to tell my congregation to vote for Hillary. Besides, Obama’s half Black, and Half Black Lives Matter.  

LEROY WILLIAMS, EROTIC ESCORT SERVICE PROVIDER: The president of the local NAALCP says all Black people always vote for DemocRATS. Besides, Obama’s Black, and Black Lives Matter.  

RASHID JONES, STREETCORNER PHARMACIST: I can’t believe Martin Luther King, Jr. was really a Republican. Besides, Obama’s black, and Black Lives Matter.  

 

EMILY FRUMP, RETIRED CITY EMPLOYEE: I’m still hoping to see Hillary isn’t impeached as soon as she’s elected.

BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: How’s this for my poem today?

         Obama and his Chicago thugs,

         Have shredded the Constitution.

         Now our for of government

         Is political prostitution.

 
SEEDY DIEHL, NORTHERN KENTUCKY HOMELESS GUY LIVING UNDER THE BRIDGE: Now that everybody’s forgotten about Obama’s Historic “Bridge Too Far” Campaign Speech in Cincinnati that didn’t result in any new bridges being built because money for the Brent Spence Bridge wasn’t even included in the Federal Budget, I’m still living in my refrigerator box at the hobo camp and letting all you over-taxed payers pay my Medicare expenses under the ObamaCare provisions. 

CH SNITCH, 1000 MAIN STREET: This weekend, the Hamilton County RINO Party says all party hacks are gladly volunteering to walk door-to-door campaigning for Donald Trump, Steve Chabothead, and “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, along with Commissioner Candidates Andy Pappas and Dennis Deters, because that’s the only way Republicans will be able to win the presidency and keep control of the Hamilton County Courthouse in November.   

SID SCHLOCK, SLUMLORD: If DemocRATS would only take over Congress and give all those deadbeats  who live in my Avondale slums more welfare, they would be able to pay my humongous rent raises.

KEN CAMBOO, NORTHERN KENTUCKY JOURNALIST: So far I haven’t seen nearly enough of Hillary’s negative attack ads on TV to help me make up my mind.   

TEA PARTY TIM:  We’re telling everybody to vote early for Donald Trump so they can volunteer to work all day at the polls on Election Day. 

LANCE LOVEGUARD, SODOMY RITES ACTIVIST:  Hillary and the DemocRATS support same-sex marriage, but those Libertarians now think “Gay is OK” too.

EARL PITTS, TAXIDERMIST: Because Ohio Governor John Kasich wasn’t chosen as Donald Trump’s running mate, I’m voting for Libertarian Gary “The Spoiler” Johnson, if he’s still on the ballot.

ED NORTON, CURRENTLY FURLOUGHED NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEWER WORKER: I’m not really “undecided.” I just said it so you’d interview me, just like I do whenever a pollster calls on the telephone.

REAL AMERICANS HOT LINE

e-mail your ordinary views and opinions today.

Some focus group comments in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally unfocused subscribers.

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