Special “Focusing Like a Laser” E-dition

THURSDAY, MAY 24, 2018

How Ordinary Americans Are Coping With $3-per-gallon Gasoline
With Disingenuous DemocRATS and RINO Republicans on Capitol Hill not doing a damn thing about skyrocketing fuel costs, hundreds of Whistleblower subscribers have already e-mailed us their thoughtful comments to tell us how they are coping with $3-per-gallon gasoline.

They say we should be fighting back against high gas prices and the politicians who will make them higher still. They’re already petitioning Congress to act immediately to lower gasoline prices by authorizing the more exploration of proven energy reserves to reduce the chance that we could once again become dependent on foreign energy sources from unstable countries.

At the same time, here’s a representative sampling from some of those other those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their “Fake News” from our Trump-Bashing Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19,s who do not understand the world around them.

MAMA MARUSKA, RETIRED HOMEMAKER: I only believe what I read in the Morning Fishwrap, like all those fair-and-balanced news reports that say we should trust whatever Liberals and environmentalists tell us.

PORKY DORKMAN, STUDENT: My teacher says Donald Trump and all of his oil-company buddies are making billions, while the rest of us will soon be eating dog food.

MARLENE MANDIBLE, TOTALLY UNEMPLOYABLE: I’m watching all those TV interviews where Sandra and Sheree ask drivers how they’re coping with $3-per-gallon gasoline prices.

NORMA RASHID, FORMER TV5 ANCHORWOMAN: I’m still just sitting home alone waiting for Charlie to call.

LINDA LIBEL, GOSSIP COLUMNIST: If The Blower would only forget about covering the political campaigns, maybe they could find more space to update some of my salacious scandals and coverage of the trial of that disgraced Anderson Township Trustee for masturbating in a Wellborn woman’s car after she gave him a ride home from a party. People would still like to know if he’s up to his old tricks.

JACK MEHOFF, USED SOLAR PANEL SALESMAN: Selling my blood plasma on the black market is my way of MakingAmerica Great Again

SUZIE SOCCERMOM, TEA PARTY PRINCESS: I always make sure my husband is driving my SUV whenever it gets low on gas.

REVERUM CALHOUN, MINISTER: Who cares how many white pastors defied the IRS on Pulpit Freedom Sunday when they preached politics from their platforms. I’m just waiting for Dishonest DemocRATS to pay me to tell my congregation to vote for Hillary. Besides, Obama’s half Black, andHalf Black Lives Matter.

LEROY WILLIAMS, EROTIC ESCORT SERVICE PROVIDER: I never leave home without my siphon hose.

RASHID JONES, STREETCORNER PHARMACIST: City Council promised the Trolley Folly would go right by my house.

EMILY FRUMP, RETIRED CITY EMPLOYEE: Whatever CNN and MSNBC say.

BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: I think people should sneak up to gas stations in the middle of the night and switch the price numbers.

SEEDY DIEHL, NORTHERN KENTUCKY HOMELESS GUY LIVING UNDER THE BRIDGE: Always make sure you have a midget hiding in the trunk of your car, so he can jump out at the gas station and switch nozzles to your gas tank while you distract other drivers waiting for their cars to fill up.

CH SNITCH, 1000 MAIN STREET: Does anybody remember last year on Memorial Day Weekend? The Hamilton County RINO Party said all party hacks are gladly volunteering to walk door-to-door campaigning for Donald Trump, Steve Chabothead, and “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, along with Commissioner Candidates Andy Pappas and Dennis Deters, because that’s the only way Republicans will be able to win the presidency and keep control of the Hamilton County Courthouse in November.

SID SCHLOCK, SLUMLORD: I’m buying a lot more oil stocks.

KEN CAMBOO, NORTHERN KENTUCKY JOURNALIST: If gas only costs 12-cents-per gallon in Venezuela, we should all just drive to Venezuela to fill up.

LANCE LOVEGUARD, SODOMY RITES ACTIVIST: Does anybody know any good Gay Gas Station Jokes?

EARL PITTS, TAXIDERMIST: Township Trustee Andrew Pappas says it’s OK for me to ride my bush hog home at night.

ED NORTON, CURRENTLY FURLOUGHED NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEWER WORKER: I’m staying away from places like California, where the price of gasoline is already up to $3.79-per-gallon.