SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2018       

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers  

According to Whistleblower Lexicographer Funkin’ Wagnalls, the proper spelling for Monday’s invented holiday is “Presidents’ Day,” not “President’s Day” or “Presidents Day.” —Sidney Spellchecker

Please tell Sidney correct spelling is irrelevant in today’s graduate’s from public screwel’s.  Everybody now know’s that almost any and every “s” at the end of a word should be preceded by an apostrophe.  Look around.  It’s used car’s, a sale on TV’s, three taco’s for two dollar’s, three suit’s free with the purchase of one (at JOE-seff A. Bank), etc.  Want frie’s with that?  Or would it be spelled, Want fry’s with that? Whatever! —Conservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin

I much preferred it when the nation celebrated Washington’s and Lincoln’s birthdays separately, before Congress opted to change that practice for a three-day weekend.  But much more I preferred it when our Presidents were proud to uphold the dignity of the office – before President Obama embarrassed himself (without realizing it) and us with his Buzzfeed video.  May the Good Lord help us! —Bob McConnell, The Guy Who Sends You All Those Conservative Cartoons

Why didn’t The Blower just wish everybody a happy patri-idiotic Washington- Adams- Jefferson- Madison- Monroe- Adams- Jackson- Van Buren- Harrison- Tyler- Polk- Taylor- Fillmore- Pierce- Buchanan- Lincoln- Johnson- Grant- Hayes- Garfield- Arthur- Cleveland- Harrison- McKinley- Roosevelt- Taft-Wilson- Harding- Coolidge- Hoover- Roosevelt- Truman- Eisenhower- Kennedy- Johnson- Nixon- Ford- Carter- Reagan- Bush 41- Clinton- Bush 43-Obama-Trump Day?—Whistleblower Presidential Historian Dorian Grady

If you’re going to insist on always using “Bush 41” and “Bush 43,” then you must also use “Adams 2” and “Adams 6,” “Harrison 9” and “Harrison 24,” “Johnson 17” and “Johnson 36,”  and “Roosevelt 26” and “Roosevelt 32.” —Nerdly Nitpicker

Please don’t ask if ABC’s “This Week” sent me scripted answers for my comments tomorrow calling for common sense gun laws in America, whatever the hell they might be. —Delusional Ohio Republican Governor John Kasich

More Presidents’ Day E-Cards

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

 Sometimes, The Blower makes fun of Presidents’ Day because it’s our sworn duty to ridicule a made-up holiday that nobody can spell, not unlike Kwanzaa.  

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially guys who slackers for whom Monday was a merely a day off with pay.    Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here