WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2018
Now You Can Stop Wondering Why All Those People Are Walking Around With Dirt On Their Foreheads
This Morning at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why The Blower hadn’t published a Special “Ash Wednesday” E-dition. “I’m sorry we missed it last year, too,” Kane admitted, “because there are a lot of good Ash Wednesday jokes, and it’s a good occasion to tell something about all those people who need their ashes kicked, like three years ago on Ash Wednesday in 2015.”
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Happy Ash Wednesday, Everybody
CONFESSING CATHOLICS: Eucharist Tadwell says today Catholics traditionally have ashes sprinkled on their foreheads to mark repentance, so try not to make cruel jokes about somebody with a dirty brow ordering a crispy fish fillet with lettuce and a tangy tartar sauce on a toasted sesame seed bun, because Mackerel Snappers also fast and abstain from eating meat. No only that, Poor Penitent Papists are thanking Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner for inviting the Pope to speak to Congress, and everybody’s wondering if Disgraceful DemocRATS will be boycotting that speech like they threatened to do when Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu hammers Obama’s feckless foreign policy next month.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s next door neighbor in Anderson, Archbishop Dennis M. Schnurr (shown marking parishioners with his dirty thumb), is planning a watch party for the Francis’ Big Speech. Wouldn’t it be great if he gave it in Latin?
AND LOOK WHO’S GETTING HIS ASH KICKED: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama continues to embarrass America on the world stage these days, as world leaders recognize our Community Organizer in Chief for the Clueless Leader he is, while Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says a majority of Americans think Obama’s handling of ISIS couldn’t be worse.
Politico’s Josh Gerstein reported Obama’s latest and boldest attempt to use his executive powers to grant quasi-legal status to illegal immigrants ran into a major road block late Monday as a [Bush-appointed] federal judge in [Brownsville] Texas barred the administration from going forward with plans for a major expansion of that drive. The White House said [in a 2:47 a.m. statement] that the Justice Department will appeal … [Hanen acted] on a lawsuit brought by 26 states.” [READ MORE HERE]
The DailyMail.com reports Michelle Obama’s secret Aspen ski trip exposed after her motorcade was allowed to sneak around a car accident. Mooch headed to Colorado on Friday for some skiing with her daughters for the fourth Presidents’ Day weekend in a row. On Sunday, their motorcade was allowed to sneak around the scene of a car accident even though the road was closed. Instagram users also shared photos of their plane on the tarmac at Aspen. Will any of our Republicans in Congress complain? Probably never!
BRAINLESS BUREAUCRATS: Did Obama’s State Department Spokesbimbo Marie Harf really say “We cannot win against ISIS by killing them, we need to find out the ‘root causes’ of why they join, like the lack of jobs. And curiously, many of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, will believe it.
OUR STUPID LIBERAL LIAR AWARD COMMITTEE says couldn’t overlook Dishonest DemocRAT Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison wondering why people had to register to vote. “Why shouldn’t it be automatic?” Ellison said.
CRISIS IN CLERMONT: All day on Presidents’ Day, Clermont County Cronies were waiting to see if Monday’s big snow scare would affect Tuesday night’s long-awaited Lincoln Reagan Uible Day Dinner featuring Conservative Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, especially when they remembered last year at this time, when the Rand Man cancelled his trip (because of the threat of a few snowflakes) to Northern Kentucky to attend a community forum in Wilder and then speak to the Federalist Society at Northern Kentucky University. Not to worry. Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Anderson High ’56 classmate Carl Hartman, who was for many years the Clermont County Engineer, says current Clermont County Engineer Patrick Manger will have all roads leading to the Oasis crystal clear, with every salt truck in Crony Land doing a conga around the place all day Tuesday, because neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night can stay Republicans from attending a high profile political event to hear a 2016 Presidential Wannabe as the featured speaker. Thank goodness it wasn’t Rob “Fighting for Same Sex Marriage” Portman.
Shown here before his trek to Clermont County is Anderson Trustee Arctic Andy Pappas, modeling something left by a guy who died before he could pick up his dry cleaning.
Debra from Anderson says there’s nothing like a snowstorm to get the idiots out of the newsroom to find out why we get milk, bread, and eggs before every media snow scare. Proving, once again, that local morning news has way, way too much time to fill. [READ MORE HERE]
Because this twit actually believes that nobody ever thought that it might be wise to pick up couple of things from the store before a snowstorm until 1978! Yes, Perry, not much gets past those crafty New Englanders! The story should be “Dumbass New Englanders Finally Figure Out That Grocery Shopping is Easier Before a Devastating Blizzard.” Well, Perry did read it on the internet, so it must be true.
The Blower says people eat too much milk, bread, and eggs anyway. They should stick to beer, because every winter when the going gets tough, snow wimps get on I-75 and head for Florida.
WANT SOME REVENGE? e-mail your snitch or bitch today. Some vengeful items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vengeful subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
CROSSTOWN SHOOTOUT: Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall tonight’s the big basketball game between UC (17-8) and Xavier (16-10). Both local teams will be fighting to stay alive for March Madness.
TWENTY-FOUR YEARS AGO TODAY, when Edition #38 (published on February 19, 1991) of the original printed edition of The Whistleblower (not the Newswire) was delivered to Persons of Consequence all over town, Jerry Springer published his now infamous “Women I’d Really Like to Boink” List. Some of those women are even alive today, and some of them aren’t, although that probably wouldn’t make much difference to the most embarrassing politician in Southwest Ohio History.
You can see that entire edition HERE.
Meanwhile, Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel says these two Sluts for Obama weren’t on Jerry’s floozy list. Can you name them?
MEDIA MADNESS: How Stupid are Obama Supporters in the Press these days? One of the self-described “leading progressive voices in America,” CNN commentator and DailyBeast columnist Sally Kohn, thinks we shouldn’t bomb ISIS because “that’s the exact reaction ISIS wants”—and, besides, the Bible tells us not to. PMSNBC’s Token RINO Joe Scarborough compared “Ultra-Fundamentalist Christianity” to Radical Islam that “Could Lead To Violence,” and on Sunday, TIME’s Joe Klein compared “Lyin’ Brian” Williams to FDR.
Hereabouts, did Feckless Fishwrap Editor Wedgie Washburn really tell her staff that many readers were complaining about mistakes two weeks ago in Sunday’s paper? Jim Romensko says an editor’s memo admitted: “We’re getting slammed by readers on sloppy copy.” [READ MORE HERE] Which is why The Blower always says Skaggie Maggie’s minions are either too lazy, too stupid, or too dishonest ever to report what’s really happening.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Hurley the Historian always comes up with what happened on this date, like in 1861, when Bluegrass native Jefferson Davis became the provisional head of the Confederacy, and today Goof Doofus claims to be related, since Goof called Obama “boy” and he’s sure double-great uncle Jefferson would’ve too.
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo remembers when The Goofster was forced to send a letter of apology to then Senator Barack Hussein Obama, after calling him “boy” and comparing him to a “snake oil salesman” in attacking his national security credentials at a weekend fund-raising dinner in Kentucky.
BLUEGRASS BACKLOG: The Camboozler also says it takes him a lot of time each morning to process all those snitches and bitches from Kenton, Campbell, and Boondoggle Counties too, now that there are only 90 more days until the Primary Elections on May 19.
And you can’t believe how many videos there are out there to watch and sometimes selecting our “Link of the Day” can take a really long time. And our Quote for Today Committee spends more than a few moments looking for “notable quotables” from famous people about subjects we’re discussing. Maybe that explains today’s choice from “Willy Wonka”: “So much time, and so little to do! Strike that, reverse it.”
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane wonders when the Quote for Today Committee will select something he’s had to say, since “there’s no public issue on which Kane has not taken a stand during the past forty years.”
FINALLY AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane wonders when the Quote for Today Committee would be selecting something he’s had to say, since “there’s no public issue on which Kane has not taken a stand during the past forty years.” They also wanted to know if Kane would be personally attending Tuesday night’s long-awaited Lincoln Reagan Uible Day Dinner featuring Conservative Kentucky Senator Rand Paul. “You bet!” Kane said. As the publication of record for all the political scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing in Clermont County, our readers know to expect nothing less.”
Also at that Republican dinner, surely somebody would’ve asked Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about this year’s Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Awards during Black History Month (sometimes called Half-Black History Month in honor Obama and other times called #If Black Lives Really Mattered History Month in honor of Obama’s Protesters). Kane and Buckwheat Blackwell are finalists, and Award-winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception thinks those guys have a pretty good chance.
MORE CUTTING EDGE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA POLITICAL CARTOONS
PLAGIARISM COUNT: Unattributed material was pilfered from only one websites for the production of today’s Blower. (This time we only plagiarized ourselves!)
ASH WEDNESDAY HOT LINE
e-mail us your dust-to-dust comments today.
Some sacrilegious items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally sacrilegious subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Andrew Klavan: The Obama Conspiracy Conspiracy
Published on Feb 12, 2015: The truth is out there, and our skeptical host is on its trail. Andrew Klavan explores the father of all conspiracy theories: The Obama Conspiracy Theory Conspiracy Theory! Is Obama a Muslim? Is Obama Gay? Is Obama the antichrist? It’s time you learned the revolting truth!
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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