FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2017
Just a Few Big Plays Away from Mediocre
This week, everybody who wonders how scalpers can ever make a living at Bungals games, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Weekly Limerick Contest.
The winner is the tri-state’s most gullible sports fan, Sidney Sportsucker, who again sold his spleen to buy Bungals tickets this year and hopes he won’t have as much trouble giving away his over-priced tickets to all the bad games as he did last year. Sidney can hardly believe a politically correct pussy ESPN analyst actually predicts Cincinnati will win Super Bowl LII in 2018. At least Sidney didn’t buy Cincinnati Reds season tickets, too.
Sidney wins a “Wait Till Next Year” T-Shirt, left over from when Defensive Genius Marvin Lewis first came to town; an anatomically correct Mike Brown Bobble-head Doll; choice seats behind the drunken floozie pictured below, and the chance to be the first in line to get beat up in the men’s room at the Holy Grail by a drunken Bungals fan after Sunday’s Jets game, now that Willie’s hepatitis-free Sports café is closed. His winning entry is:
When you watch the Bungals this year,
Will their play draw a cheer or a tear?
Will the offense show up and give the “D” a nice rest,
And make Bungals nation start pounding their chest –
While consuming vast quantities of their favorite beer?
And from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked):
When you watch the Bungals this year,
Wait a few games ’til you cheer.
They’ll snatch defeat, you’ll see
From the jaws of victory,
And you’ll end up crying in your beer.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“It’s Time Once Again For Oktoberfest?”
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