SATURDAY, JUNE 24, 2017

Happy Gay Pride Day, Everybody!

AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the news that at the Pentagon on Friday the military was seeking to delay new enlistment for transgender recruits in order to further assess how they and other service members could handle integration. “Let’s face it, the military needs a morale booster,” Kane said. “You don’t win wars with social justice.

Also at the Pentagon, Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama had already turned the military into a “Totally Gay Army,” saying foes of Homosexuality were still holding fast to “Worn Arguments and Old Attitudes.” In the warped world of Obama, “Sin is a worn argument.” Meanwhile, Disgraced Former Ohio Gayvenor Strickland and Cincinnati’s Equally Disgraced Former Girly Man Mayor Mark Mallory still planned to march with soldiers in today’s Gay Pride Parade on the All Gay Obergefell Way in Downtown Cincinnati, waving signs that say, “Never Leave Your Buddy’s Behind.”

Meanwhile, Whistleblower Alternative Life Styles Co-Editors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say the our local Gay Community was more than a little upset yesterday when the Lea DeLaria, Lesbian Grand Marshal of Saturday’s Cincinnati’s Gay Day Parade, cancelled at the last minute to so she could be in Chicago’s Pride parade on Sunday where the chicks are hotter, according to her Facebook. 

And from The Sublime to the Ridiculous, (which means from something very serious to something very silly) Friday afternoon, Cincinnati’s Scruffy Mayor who even shaved to appear at the Tensing Mistrial Press Conference was not on hand to officiate at the impromptu Gay Blowjob Rally on Fountain Square.

How gay will it be? You could see more tormented queens in Downtown Cincinnati than in the Tower of London, and that Supreme Court Justice Elena Gaygan lookalike contest should be a lot of fun too.

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Karen Ripley’s: “I can’t help looking gay. I put on a dress and people say, “Who’s the dyke in the dress?”

Comedian Laura Kightlinger says, “My favorite thing in a gay pride parade is the big, helium cartoon characters. There is something about seeing Bullwinkle’s ass in chaps. I revert right back to being a kid on gay pride morning.”

On the other hand, Comedian Norm MacDonald says, “A Gay Pride Parade is just a bunch of gay guys.”

And Warner Cable says you don’t have to wait for Gay Pride Day to watch Lesbian porn on Cinemax After Dark.

It’s a good thing our Gay Pride Celebration doesn’t take place to coincide with our annual Paddlefest (postponed until August), since so many people think the Gay Pride Parade is just Paddlefest without the kayaks, because that’s when Liberal Loonies try to sell us down the river one more time, but organizer Brewster Rhoads says his annual event is not to be confused with the annual Gay Paddlefest, where Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis like to give each other spankings at Sawyer Point.  Not only that, our good friend Bobby Leach e-mailed us our Gay Paddlefest Joke: “What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.”

In other really gay news, Our Cross-Dressing Attorney remembers Deviant DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioners Odd Todd Opportune’s and David A. Pepper’s Top-Secret “Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Pride Day” Proclamation, which was included in that Gay Pride Salute back in 2008 from those homo-loving guys at Not the Fishwrap.

And now that Ghizzy Lizzy is finally a judge, maybe she won’t have to show up at this year’s Gay Day Parade.

And wait to you see Cincinnati’s Police Chief marching in the Gay Pride parade.  They even made a new rainbow flag with the Cincinnati Police badge on it. The Cincinnati PD’s full-time liaison officer assigned to the gay groups must’ve needed something to do.

How long has The Blower been covering Gay Pride News? We’re not sure, but if you check out the July 2, 1991 edition, you might see Bud Fugger’s Homosexual Hotline, which reported then Mayor David Mann didn’t show up at the Gay Pride Parade, but instead, he sent over a proclamation changing the name to “Gay Tolerance.”  

In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says wet weather didn’t dampen the gayety at last weekend’s Gay Pride Parade in Columbus, when according to the Ohio Constitution, only a marriage between one man and one woman would still be recognized as a valid union by the state and its political subdivisions. The Ohio Constitution also said that neither the state nor any political subdivision may create or recognize a legal status for relationships of unmarried individuals that intends to approximate the design, qualities, significance or effect of marriage.

And Hairy Homophobe Phil Burr-ass says, “The US Supreme Court has determined that same-sex unions are legal in all fifty states.  And that all states must recognize each other’s same-sex unions. Stand strong in the defense of marriage and religious freedom with your online gift now. Americans of faith must prepare for the inevitable: the further erosion of our precious, God-given and constitutionally guaranteed religious liberty. As sexual freedom increasingly trumps religious freedom, you and I, and everyone who believes in God’s definition of marriage must expect to be targeted. Those who oppose our Biblical view of marriage will now try to silence us on this and other matters of religious conscience.”

We’re sure Burr-ass hateful remarks were discussed Friday night at the Bud Light Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, and Transgender Pub Crawl from NoKY to Northside sponsored by the Greater Cincinnati Gay Pride Chamber of Commerce. If you’re a gay guy, do you really think getting drunk and crawling around on all fours is the safest way to hook up for the night?

And the OKI Clean Air Committee says, “Come on down for clean air celebration with fireworks presented by the P&G’s Gay Products Division at Sawyer Point for Gay Pride Day.”

Meanwhile, the Illegal Aliens Association is filing suit to make sure the “Declaration of Gay Independence” is always translated into Spanish, and Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose wonder whatever happened to the Amnesty-fest they were promised by the U.S. Senate , and it’s a good thing the ACLU is still letting us sing the “Star Spangled Banner” on Gay Pride Day.

Also this year, Black Lies Matter is joining in the fun, giving Scared Suburbanites another good reason to avoid Downtown Cincinnati like a Leper Colony.  

Still unknown was whether That Defeated, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-In-A-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt would be marching with supporters of Gay Turkish Muslims.

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

         Sometimes The Blower ridicules gay bashers to show that intolerance of any kind is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Hairy Homophobe.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Phil Burr-ass.

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